Vicotnik's chamber of laughter - Page 8

KDogRex · 03-07-2001, 08:30 AM

The crude warning is in effect for this joke, remember, I dind't write them, I just have the bad taste to repeat them...

15 Reasons Why A Beer Is Better Than A Woman

1) You can enjoy a beer all month long
2) Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car
3) Hangovers go away
4) A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer
5) Beer never has a headache
6) When you go to a bar you can always pick up a beer
7) A beer won't get upset when you come home with beer on your breath
8) You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty
9) You can share a beer with your friends
10) A beer always goes down easy
11) You always know you're the first one to pop a beer
12) A beer is always wet
13) You can have a beer in public
14) A frigid beer is a good beer
15) You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good

KDogRex · 03-07-2001, 08:31 AM

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather...kinky is using the whole chicken

What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit-bull

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and
tired of putting up with her shit.
---Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina

What has 180 legs and no pubic hair?
The front row of an N'Sync concert.

KDogRex · 03-07-2001, 08:35 AM

TOP 5 REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX

5) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
4) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
3) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
2) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Vicotnik · 03-07-2001, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KDogRex:
LOL!!!! This is great, but Vikotnik, you really need a life... Here's a few from Minneapolis... Warning ahead of time, most of them are dirty, and some are downright crude, so I apologize ahead of time!!!

Hey! What do you mean "need a life". Laughter makes ones life longer! No seriously, not bragging, it takes me a mintue to two to put down one of them longer jokes so I'm not sitting here all day writing essays!

Soon time for some more!

------------------

Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

KDogRex · 03-07-2001, 08:39 AM

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question and as he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside knocking his eblow into her breast.
They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

KDogRex · 03-07-2001, 08:41 AM

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed
when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin.
You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!

KDogRex · 03-07-2001, 08:43 AM

I agree Vicotnik, and laughing is something I haven't been doing nearly enough of lately!! Thank you!!
Here's my personal favorite:

At the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth:
One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers,
the other is getting oral sex from a 98 year old woman
They are both thinking the exact same thing.
What are they both thinking?
.
.
.
.
Answer: Don't look down.

KDogRex · 03-07-2001, 08:45 AM

And one final thought for the day, before I actually try and get some work done...

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

Moridin · 03-07-2001, 12:33 PM

A few more--------Mostly gross---------so don't say I didn't warn you!

A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass. So he says to him, ''Why do you have a cork up your ass?'' The guy says, ''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie. He said he was a genie and would grant me one wish. I said, 'No shit!'''

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they made condoms.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What is pink and wobbly and belongs to Grandpa? Grandma.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Lumberjack Jon was pushing a tree through the buzz saw and accidentally sheared off all ten of his fingers. He rushed to the emergency room in agony. The doctor, looking on in disguist, asked the bloody-handed victim for the pile of fingers.

"I haven't got the fingers,'' yelped Jon.

''What do you mean you haven't got the fingers?" replied the doctor, " It's the year 2000. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?''

''But, but...I couldn't pick 'em up.''

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, ''Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.'' The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, ''Nope, ain't Bubba.'' The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, ''Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over.'' The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, ''No, it ain't Bubba.'' The mortician asked, ''How can you tell?'' Gomer said, ''Well, Bubba had two assholes.'' ''What? He had two assholes?'' said the mortician. ''Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?'' Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample.
The man still didn't hear him so his wife leaned over and said,

''Honey, he needs a pair of your underwear.''

------------------

KDogRex · 03-08-2001, 02:13 PM

Railroad

Rated PG

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend.
He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in
the middle of the railroad tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't
know what it was. Predictably, he was hit and thrown to the side of
the tracks, with some internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some
bruises.

After months in the hospital recovering, he was at his friend's house
attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly heard the
tea kettle whistling. He grabbed a baseball bat from the nearby closet
and bashed the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His
friend, hearing the ruckus, rushed into the kitchen, saw what had
happened, and asked the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea
kettle?"

The desert man replied, "Man, you gotta kill these things when
they're small."

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03-07-2001, 08:30 AM	#71
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	The crude warning is in effect for this joke, remember, I dind't write them, I just have the bad taste to repeat them... 15 Reasons Why A Beer Is Better Than A Woman 1) You can enjoy a beer all month long 2) Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car 3) Hangovers go away 4) A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer 5) Beer never has a headache 6) When you go to a bar you can always pick up a beer 7) A beer won't get upset when you come home with beer on your breath 8) You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty 9) You can share a beer with your friends 10) A beer always goes down easy 11) You always know you're the first one to pop a beer 12) A beer is always wet 13) You can have a beer in public 14) A frigid beer is a good beer 15) You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good

03-07-2001, 08:31 AM	#72
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather...kinky is using the whole chicken What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit-bull No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. ---Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina What has 180 legs and no pubic hair? The front row of an N'Sync concert.

03-07-2001, 08:35 AM	#73
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	TOP 5 REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX 5) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 4) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 3) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy. 2) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. 1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

03-07-2001, 08:39 AM	#75
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question and as he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside knocking his eblow into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

03-07-2001, 08:41 AM	#76
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!

03-07-2001, 08:43 AM	#77
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	I agree Vicotnik, and laughing is something I haven't been doing nearly enough of lately!! Thank you!! Here's my personal favorite: At the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth: One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers, the other is getting oral sex from a 98 year old woman They are both thinking the exact same thing. What are they both thinking? . . . . Answer: Don't look down.

03-07-2001, 08:45 AM	#78
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	And one final thought for the day, before I actually try and get some work done... What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.

03-07-2001, 12:33 PM	#79
Moridin Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 1,735	A few more--------Mostly gross---------so don't say I didn't warn you! A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass. So he says to him, ''Why do you have a cork up your ass?'' The guy says, ''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie. He said he was a genie and would grant me one wish. I said, 'No shit!''' ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they made condoms. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ What is pink and wobbly and belongs to Grandpa? Grandma. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Lumberjack Jon was pushing a tree through the buzz saw and accidentally sheared off all ten of his fingers. He rushed to the emergency room in agony. The doctor, looking on in disguist, asked the bloody-handed victim for the pile of fingers. "I haven't got the fingers,'' yelped Jon. ''What do you mean you haven't got the fingers?" replied the doctor, " It's the year 2000. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?'' ''But, but...I couldn't pick 'em up.'' ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, ''Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.'' The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, ''Nope, ain't Bubba.'' The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, ''Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over.'' The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, ''No, it ain't Bubba.'' The mortician asked, ''How can you tell?'' Gomer said, ''Well, Bubba had two assholes.'' ''What? He had two assholes?'' said the mortician. ''Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample. The man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?'' Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample. The man still didn't hear him so his wife leaned over and said, ''Honey, he needs a pair of your underwear.'' ------------------

03-08-2001, 02:13 PM	#80
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	Railroad Rated PG A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he was hit and thrown to the side of the tracks, with some internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After months in the hospital recovering, he was at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly heard the tea kettle whistling. He grabbed a baseball bat from the nearby closet and bashed the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushed into the kitchen, saw what had happened, and asked the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?" The desert man replied, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."

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