Charlies Shop of Shite is Open.. ITEM SPOILERS

[Charlie]

Lord of Alcohol.

The get out of jail free scrolls are usually available on request. Unfortunately our stock of really shite "get out of jail free scrolls" are still with the printer.

As soon as the printer gets out of jail I will send you one.



Patrick/Malla Gabriel

Whilst I could possibly use and offload the spare Beholders eye (providing it is blind and in effect totally shite), the chocolate quizit does give cause for concern and subsequently must be rejected. If you could lay your hands on either a chocolate teapot or possibly the slightly rarer and never sought after chocolate fireguard then we may be able to trade. Best wishes in your search which I fear may take a little while.

Too funny!! Will trade one lich's tooth and energy cells for Anarg's cup, (looking for complete set of Anarg's kitchenware; also need Anarg's flatware and Anarg's platesHmm, perhaps I should purchase the Orcish cookbook?

[Charlie]

Moridin.

Thanks for the gem and Golem building book enquiries.

As it stands the light gem could be yours as a rotten carrot is a pretty shite item, the light gem I can assure you is even worse. Putrifying root vegetables pale into insignificance beside it on the internationally unrecognised shite scale.

Regarding Golems and the Golem builders book. I feel it only correct to make you aware that once your Golem has read this book he then goes into building mode permanently. He will happily build in all weathers day or night....what he builds is another matter. Once he feels he has finished one construction he will begin on the next. It really is a sight to behold as you watch your Golem build whatever takes the fancy of his tiny useless mind. Construction materials are not an issue for him as he will build in almost anything and really couldn't give a flying f**k where his materials come from...And whose gonna stop this giant stone bloke anyhow. Imagine the fun and hilarity as he slowly dismantles your neighbours beautiful house brick by brick just to build a totally shite, completely unstable multi story carpark in your very own backyard...hours of fun for the whole neighbourhood.

Judging by the very shite offer you've made me, it appears that you don't have a Golem of your own.
I happen to have one very shite and slightly damaged Golem in stock. This Golem has only read the Golem labourers handbook and is about ready for the leap into the world of real Golem building. His small faults are as listed - He has lost the foot on one leg after falling down a deep well after reading the Golem guide to getting pissed. The fingers of his left hand were lost in a building accident. A large lump of his stone head is missing after a roof tile accidently hit him from a great height. His lower jaw is missing after a drunk wizard accidently hit him with a +2 bullet. The complete right arm was torn off after accidently catching his arm in his guvnor Golems cement mixer and he is totally deaf after accidently walking into a full scale dragon war. He answers to the name of Lucky.

Lucky the unlucky Golem could be yours if you make me yet another very, very shite offer indeed.

um Charlie do you think i can ah get the ah Orcish cookbook to show my wife what she's doing wrong this could help me alot if i could show her in black and white just what your not supposed to do


you don't know how much i need this ... she's killing me...slowly..hel...p..uh...

This is by far the most entertaining string I've ever read on this board... Cloudbringer, you really must try to spray liquids away from your monitor, *Geez* hasn't anyone seen "Final Destination?"
Charlie, this is absolutely the most useless collection of Shite I've ever had the pleasure of perusing and I would like to offer up in trade for a staff upgrade and the Vampiric Omnibus: Unabridged, 2 'gently used' heroin supositories (sp?), first seen in Ewan MacGregor's bum, in the movie "Trainspotting" and the shirt off Gracie Nakamura's back from Gabriel Knight 3!
This was absolutely a joy to read!!

[Draggor]

Oh my god. Please stop. I feel like I'm going to burst. Anyway I'm after the Festule the alchemist potion, I've always wanted my own alchemist. And the conjur oto servanta would be good too, can send him to work instead of me. Will swap you Damir Dokics book of diplomacy and manners (no pages, very quick read) and my Wand of Wonder (It's still wondering).

[Lord of Alcohol]

Charlie! I just read your whole list for the third or fourth time and I'm STILL laughing! Just TOO FUNNY!!! Your responses are hilarious!!! You got my vote for whatever the hell you want!

LadyWendy- I'm so glad your giving me the Shaft! Thanks!!!!

hey Charlie
my co-works were wondering if they could have thier shortsword of backstabing back since i am going on break,i know it doesn't make sense ,since i'm going on break they insisited i ask before i left

[Charlie]

Cloudbringer.

Pleased you weren't disappointed. I am replying in turn to each of the shite item enquiries, as soon as I get time I crack another one off. I zip in, reply and zip out again. Each shall get an answer. Cats and Monty Python eh....good stuff. I love cats. Was the jabberwock M.P?....I think so.

[Cloudbringer]

Charlie, you have made me laugh more in two days than all the rest of the year! Bless you!
I admit to being totally surprised at the turn of events re the "spitting" lessons. Nearly burst out laughing at my desk! I may have to hold off checking the board until lunch and after I get home from now on! I can imagine my co-workers thinking I've lost my marbles if I read too much from you!

Jabberwock- Lewis Caroll (Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass)- two of my all time favorite books, but I used to be a MP fan of sorts. Not able to quote line for line as some people can, though!

Anyway, bravo for being a bright spot on the board. And I've had cats for years. My two newest fuzballs are shorthaired orange (marmalade?) male and female about two and half yrs old. Rescued from shelter as kittens. My other is a male tabby, about 9 or 10, taken in when his owner (who took him in as a stray) died. She was a friend and I'd promised to care for him if anything happened to her. BTW any guy who loves cats is okay in my book!