What is the WORST book you ever read?

[Davros]

Originally posted by Mouse: If I am correct, the hideousness that is John Norman's Gor series first dragged itself out of the cesspit of the author's imagination in the early 1970's. Even I was a kid back then

Gee - I've read all those too [img]smile.gif[/img] - and they strated out relatively innoccuously in the first book.

Whoops - Davros swivels around to look at the bottom shelf of his "secondary" bookshelf and notices that the entire series is still all there - umm, gathering dust .

[Davros]

Originally posted by Barry the Sprout: This is probably not really the "worst" book I've ever read, but I can't really think of which of the many quite bad books I've read was the worst. And this one dissapointed me the most, it really did... So, by default more than anything, I'm going with God Emperor of Dune by Frank Herbert. I'm a massive fan of the previous three books, although I haven't read Heretics or any of the preludes yet, so I don't know if the first three are just isolated in their brilliance. But God Emperor was bad in oh so many ways. It seemed to lose all plot for large sections of the novel, simply going on about how worried Moneo was and how mentally torn Idaho was again and again... I like the fact that it is ambigious as to who are the real "good guys" of the novel, yet I'm not entirely sure if thats deliberate or not. I think Herbert may have been writing in favour of Leto, all the signs were there that he wanted us to dislike Leto's opponents - particularly Siona. But then I found Leto written with such an air of overconfidence and patronising self-importance I was rooting for the bad guys throughout. The book fails where all the previous Dune novels most noticeably succeded - it doesn't mix the in-depth description of a phenomenally complicated world with a gripping plot. The plot is slow and moves instead to accomodate the description, not for its own beneifits. Yet still, at the end of all of this, the world is not as brilliantly laid out as before. Mostly through the character Leto's reluctantce to explain anything and instead his disturbing habit of expecting people to believe him because of what he is. If I had a penny for every time some kind of exchange came up along the lines of: Objector: Lord Leto, I have no confidence in your, or your "Golden Path". I think that things should be done a different way. Leto: If only you knew what I knew... which I won't tell you. The Golden Path is the only way forward. You must trust me, for I am Leto. Objector: Now I trust you completely and would risk my life for you. I know the Golden Path is the only way forward because I know I am stupid in comparison to your greatness. And thats how it goes! Thats why I feel frustration with Leto! He's written so badly that he never justifies his own actions. I wouldn't mind this were it not for the fact that every "reasonable" person in the book comes round to agreeing with him due to no more persuasion than being told by him that they should (and without the use of the voice, either...). It just lacks sooo much in the way of believable plot it hurts at times to read it...

I was stuck for an anwer until I read Barry's post, then the same horrors came flooding back - this IS the worst book of all time - no doubt about it.

Davros swivels and looks at the 2nd bottom shelf of his secondary book case - OMG - it's still there (and gathering more dust than the Gor books ).

[pcgiant]

Originally posted by Memnoch: Reading Z's thread about Spellfire made me start thinking. What is the WORST fantasy book you ever read? From cover to cover, just to prove you were a masochist. Here are his (and Gellor's) powers at the start of Dance of Demons (the "ceremony" where the Heirophants, all the deities and demigods of Balance and Mordenkainen etc all "bestow" these gifts to make them innate abilities had me rolling on the floor in hysterics LOL!!). [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] - can communicate by telepathy - can move to any place with a thought - can become mentally invisible (permanent mind shield) - he wears shadow armor with zero encumbrance and AC -40 - also wears magic ring of 100% magic damage resistance and 100% physical damage resistance - wears elven chain mail shirt giving 100% resistance to elements - wears cats paws gloves, allowing wearer to fall any distance without injury, to deliver clawed blows (why bother when your sword does about 1000pts of damage anyway) and to climb like a cat - wears girdle of planar shifting - can transform into a massive panther at will - regenerates about 20 hp per round (why bother when you are IMPERVIOUS to damage anyway) - immunity to disease, poison, warding from foes, constant true sight - PERMANENT 100% magic resistance - he wields Courflamme, the Mighty Sword of Neutrality, which has the ability to kill thousands of demons with a thought SNIP

I probably should have posted this months ago, but I have a question, Memnoch. Was this entire novel simply focused on this (seemingly unkillable) character fighting demons? Or was there an actual story to it? If so, care to give a quick overview of the 'plot'? I'm sure that will also be very funny. I want to read this book, I love bad writing! Books focused mainly on fighting are interesting if the character is extremely low level, and he has to be careful. Where's the fun or the interest if there is no danger of losing or dying?

[IronDragon]

I realize this is an old post but such wonderful memories recalling all these horrible books.
Worst book ever?

Well there have been so many bad ones I hardly know where to start. But I will start…

“The Incarnations of Immortality” series by Piers Anthony. Just horrible. I remember reading an interview given by him shortly after hurting myself on his works. He bragged that he did not use a word processor but a manual typewriter (so he could write in power outages) the keyboard of the typewriter was arranged in a logical order so he could type faster. What irked me was his boast that he never wrote a second draft of ANYTHING. He only writes one draft and that is what gets published. My thought was that it is painfully apparent that he never revises his work.

“Chrome” by George Nadar (yes that George Nadar) is technically a science fiction book but is total crap by anyone’s standards. There is no real story other than the massively gorgeous uber hero stud he-man main character falling in lust with an anatomically correct male android. There are numerous hot oil massages to supplement the plot. Or they would supplement the lot if there was one.

Just added to the list is “The Dark Highlander” by Karen Marie Moning. The book jacket describes a pretty typical set up, an immortal Scotsman haunted by the ghosts of his past, ultimate evil, druidic magic, you know everyday stuff. However the first 29 pages is nothing but a detailed description of the main characters sexual prowess, I’m not kidding page after page of the worst soft core porn imaginable.

“The Magic of Recluse” by L. E. Modesitt Jr. The main character spends page after page complaining about how boring things are. Readers of this forgettable book will surely agree.

Into the Darkness by Harry Turtledove. What if you take world war II and transpose it into a fantasy world? Where fighter places are replaced by dragons and submarines by leviathans and tanks by behemoths, and then drug out the storyline for six or seven thousand pages. The result is a good cure for insomnia.

“The Stand” by Stephen King. I read the unabridged version and almost finished it. I read the first 900 pages and was literally thirty-seven pages from the end when I realized I didn’t care. I didn’t care what happened, I didn’t care about ANY of the characters I didn’t care that I was less than fifteen minutes from being done with this gosh awful work of fiction. I put the book down and have never reopened the thing. A second Steven King book “The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon” gets an honorary mention. One third of the way into the book and so far the main character has been lost for ages in thee woods. I was praying for something large and horrible to eat her and eat her now.

Other honorable mentions go to:
The Balder’s Gate series (just say no)
“I Will Fear No Evil” by Robert Heinlein (a sex change novel with way to much sex)
“Number of the Beast” by Robert Heinlein (and they called the Satanic Verses evil)”
Neveryona” by Samuel Delany ( I did admires the hero’s ability to fight evil while wearing nothing but a chain mail thong…I’m not kidding)

However the grand prize goes to:
“Wizard’s First Rule” by Terry Goodkind. Pleases please please do everyone on the planet a favor and avoid this piece of sludge. In one single book the author manages to capture EVER possible fantasy cliché in existence. There is a low born but honest main character who is destined for greatness. An elderly and immensely powerful wizard who guides our young hero. A beautiful maiden in distress in a white dress. A best friend/weapons expert who will do anything for the hero. The hero, upon learning of his destiny, spends hundreds of pages complaining abtou his great destiny and how ‘there’s no place like home.” A dragon. Hundreds of pointless quests. Of course there is a magical sword A evil villain who’s hobbies include torturing and murdering children, plotting world conquest and macramé. Of course our reluctant hero is the only person in the entire world who can stop the dastardly villain.

The three main characters spend a great deal of time biting their fingernails over the fact that each has a horrible secret and the dare not share their horrible secret with anyone else lest that person not like them anymore. “’But what would Richard think of me if only he knew my dark secret?’ Kahlan pondered.”
The book goes from bad to outright horrible when Richard (our whiney hero) is captured and tortured by a latex wearing dominatrix. It’s pretty apparent that the author is living out his own sexual fantasies here. (shudder)

[HolyWarrior]

At least most of you can rejoice that there was only one "Worst Book of all time".

For me, there are 10.

L. Ron Hubbard's Mission Earth series.

Oh the humanity. Oh the pain. :shame:

[Sneeki Two]

To Pcgiant:

Only the last book(think there were six) had him super-powerful, and sure he made short work of most of the demons there, but his job was to confront a being that was to unite the Demons, Devils and Daemons. Even as powerful as he was he was still severly pressed in his final battle.

The Series is about a lowly thief's rise to power as the forces of Good, Evil, and Neutrality fight to gain control of the 3 artifacts that will release the Greatest of all Evil, Tharizdun(he was destined to unite all the realms of evil and take over all exsistance). He was imprisoned long ago and the keys were split into 3 powerful artifacts called theoparts.

The Devils (Lawful Evil), are trying their best to unite the parts, because it will finally bring order to the evil realms. They assume Tharizdun to be lawful like them because he is suppose to bring order to all evil.

The Demonlords (Chaotic Evil), want the pieces to use against each other. Each faction wants all three. Gratz, Demogorgon, Orcus and Iuz all fight each other for the pieces so they can finally gain total dominion of the Abyss.

The Daemons(Neutral Evil) play all sides. They provide troops and power to the highest bidder. Anthraxus, their leader, hopes to gain Tharizdun's favor whatever the outcome. He also desires the pieces for his own use.

He starts off as a normal street urchin and gains allies. He was very much like Lieber's Grey Mouser. The description you were given was after he was outfitted to take on Tharizdun. After being outfitted he wasnt even really human anymore. He was a planar power himself. The demons themselves couldnt even see what he was. All they could see where the powerful enchantments placed on him.

Overall I liked the series. It was before Forgotten Realms took over AD&D. The whole series take place in Greyhawk, the original AD&D world.

[Ken Rauhl]

Originally posted by Mouse: Well, call me controversial, but one of the worst books I have read recently was “Legacy of the Drow – Collector’s Edition” by R.A.Salvatore. Where do I begin when trying to describe the tedium of this book……hmmmm, well lets start with the characters. If they were any more two-dimensional, they would disappear when viewed side on. Most of the action seemed to revolve around some elf called Drizzly Turban and some woman named after a French soft cheese. There were some other players, but they were either stereotypical villain types or annoying archetypes like the idiot barbarian and the stroppy dwarves. Then there is the action. Sorry if this is a spoiler, but the book basically follows this structure. 1) Drizzly fights against overwhelming odds….and wins [img]graemlins/wow.gif[/img] 2) Drizzly moons about over the French cheese woman 3) Drizzly and the other characters go somewhere else 4) Return to step 1) A couple of other nitpicks to finish with. Drizzly’s swords - I can’t remember what they were called exactly, but I think they were named Ticklestick and Sausage Slicer or something like that. This threw the whole saga off balance as it was obvious that he would be able to slaughter whole legions of opponents as they rolled about on the ground, helpless with laughter at such absurdly named weaponry. Finally, the big bad was some demon or other. If this epitome of evil had been any more stupid, it would have had trouble getting a daypass from the Hellish Home for the Feebleminded, let alone menacing anything with and IQ greater than single figures. I could think of some more to say, but that would be overly iconoclastic, so I’ll just finish this now

yeah yeah... whatever

[GokuZool]

Worst book ever read?

There are a few, but I'll say "The Owl Service." It's a very odd and strange book, and I didn't like it one bit [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[pcgiant]

Thanks for the info, Sneeki Two!

I've always wondering why gods can bestow powers upon mortals so they can defeat a great evil, rather than just doing it themselves. I mean, wouldn't they just point their fingers at their foes and they'd die?

[Morgeruat]

normally gods have a nonintervention agreement, so they can empower champions to go do things, but if they stick their finger into the mix directly then the god directly opposing them can do the same, and chaos results, look at the dragonlance series. of course this doesn't always stop the evil ones from trying, and avatars are a whole other kettle of fish.

but even when looked at in the context of our world and religious mythology, gods have always found it more enjoyable to trick, compel, blackmail, or otherwise convince mortals to do their dirty work