Joke World 04-01-09

[Arvon]

A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg. The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit, which he fed to the dog. A busy body who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!". The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find which end is his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass".

[Arvon]

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up.

The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.

Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

[Arvon]

George set out on a very windy day to see his friend Sam who...
George set out on a very windy day to see his friend Sam who was sick in

bed. Hours later, he pulled his weary body into Sam's house. Sam asked him

how it was. "I'll tell ya, it was just brutal. For every step I took

forewards, I fell back two steps." "Then how ever did you make it over

here?" Sam asked. "Well, finally I gave up, so I turned around and headed

for home."

[Bungleau]

From Xkcd...

[Wolf Rider2]

The sad thing is that it is so true. The internet isn't safe for us in a lot of places. But I'm sure Joanna's gun can take care of that...

[Arvon]

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Morris is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring." Morris replies sheepishly. "So, really? How long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

[Arvon]

lassified Ads:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 years old. Hateful little bitch. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES: Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD: 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG: Looks like a rat … Been out a while. Better be a reward for this nasty little thing.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED: Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300: Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES: California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE: Call Linda.

[Arvon]

A bit unPC...

Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a cigarette, when one said, "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them."

The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called a condom which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later."

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. "You get them at a drug store, sister. Just go and ask the pharmacist for them."

The next day the good sister went to the drugs store and walked up to the counter."Good morning, sister," the pharmacist said, "what can I do for you today?" "I'd like some condoms please," said the nun.

The druggist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, "How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box." "I'll take six boxes. That should last about a week," said the nun.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice. "Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size."

The sister thought for a minute and finally said: "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?"