A hodge-podge RPG (experimental)

[Morgan_Corbesant]

"what the hell" Neo stated. "how the hell did i end up at frodo baggins birthday party? Tank, what the hell happened to the program?"

"i dont know Neo, i must have been watching Lord of the Rings, and pressed the wrong button. sorry man, but there are no phones there. i can hook up up with gear and training, but it looks like you are STUCK there. tough luck, i guess Trinity is mine now, heh."

"Damn you Tank, if i get back to the Nebakaneezer, im going to show you WHY im the chosen one!!!"

(looking toward everyone) "hello all. im not talking to myself, trust me. im here to attend good frodo's birthday party. (tank, i need a good high quality, magical shortsword for good frodo) I come with a gift for the good hobbit, is he around?"

[K T Ong]

Instead of a sword (as Neo hoped), a large, beautifully wrapped box of Cadbury milk chocolates materialised in his hands. He could hear Tank giggling away. "Curse you, Tank, I'll make you suffer for this..." muttered Neo. But he quickly turned his attention back to the crowds before him. "Sorry, friends," continued Neo, "but would anyone happen to know of good Frodo's whereabouts?"

An elderly Hobbit approached. "Ho, friend," said the Hobbit, "I'm Pimpo Baggins, Frodo's grand-uncle. I can bring you to him. Come along!"

********************************

"Actually," said /)eathkiller to Iori, "I reckon you might not need the One Ring for your purpose, after all... What you need is something called the Orochi Power...

"The what?" asked Iori, suddenly excited.

"The Orochi Power," repeated /)eathkiller. "Once you have this Power, you will no longer need any Ring or gauntlet or earrings or whatever. A flick of your fingers and any Capcom or SNK fighter dumb enough to challenge you will be toast in no time -- including that bloody bitch with the fat bouncing breasts named Mai Shiranui. Well, at least his or her life bar will shrink by a full 50%, guaranteed. It is they who will be the pansies this time; you'll truly become The King of Fighters!"

"Where do I find this Orochi Power? Tell me! Quick!"

"You need to find this person named Rugal --"

"But of course!" cried Iori. "How could I have missed that? Damn, I must go after him now!" And he quickly bolted through the dimensional portal he came in by, and vanished.

Gandalf breathed a sigh of relief. "That's one less fella after the Ring now!"

"No worries," said /)eathkiller. "Even if he had the One Ring, it would be useless for him, because it's useless in any world not lived in or created by Tolkien -- such as the SNK or Capcom Universes. Only the Orochi Power is effective in those dimensions. What I told him is the truth."

"That's good to know," said Mulder, "but for now we must find Frodo -- and the One Ring!"

[Morgan_Corbesant]

"TANK!!!!, hobbits cant eat chocolate. come on man, you can have Trinity, just dont mess this up, i think im in some hot water here. no phone means im stuck here in middle earth, so PLEASE work with me here. i dont know HOW im going to charge my cell phone out here, maybe a low level electrical spell from gandalf or elminster? quick, send me a lifetime supply of cellphone batteries, fully charged, for THIS phone, and PLEASE send that shortsword i asked for. im afraid, IM going to eat this yummy chocolate!"

[K T Ong]

In answer to Neo's pleas, a lightsaber and an unusually designed cell-phone with runes engraved nicely into its sides appeared in his hands.

"This cell-phone will constantly recharge itself with the Force," whispered a voice in Neo's head which he recognised as Tank's. "It'll never run out of power. And the lightsaber would make an ideal gift for good ol' Frodo!"

"Ow, come on..." protested Neo. "Frodo's no Jedi, you know that -- not even a Padawan! Besides, who ever heard of a pink lightsaber? With a Pikachu doll fixed upon its hilt??"

[Morgan_Corbesant]

"BAH!" said Neo. "i guess this will have to do. he will like it, or he wont, but it IS a lightsaber. if he doesnt like it, i guess ill use it, though the pink and pikachu is kinda lame. oh well, i will give this to him as soon as i find him."

OOC> ELminster Returns
IC> Elminster walks out of the bathroom, with a smile on his face. "Imprisoning that Hobbit was good. Oh no, now we have Mr. Bigshot Neo here. Well, I'll show this guy whose boss."

Just then, an Agent comes out of the crowd,
"Mr Anderson! I've been looking for you. We've just gotten the new program installed. You humans will be wiped out from this world. As soon as I'm finished with you I will KILL all of these midgets." Pulls out his gun and starts shootin.

Elminster gets tripped by a devious little hobbit named Festule. "You litte crapsack, I've had it with these little sacks of Sh*t. He lifts Festule in the air, and kicks him right in front of Frodo. "I'm outa here" and he teleports to Naboo.

[K T Ong]

"W-What's going on?" asked Luke as he saw the strange man disappear after the brief commotion. Then everyone's attention was directed to a voice. It was Frodo's.

"Hey, will someone please help me out?" cried Frodo. He was imprisoned in a cage.

Luke quickly whipped out his lightsaber and tried to cut through the bars of the cage, but instead the lightsaber went out of power. "Damn," cursed Luke, "I should have used Eveready Energiser batteries instead."

"Step aside, all of you!" cried Wolverine as his adamantium claws came out from his knuckles. Crink! Crink! Sparks flew as he slashed the cage's bars with his claws -- which ended up... all crooked. "What?" cried Wolverine in disbelief. "How could..."

"Come, let me try and see if I can do something," said Inspector Scully, who took out a hairpin. "Gandalf, you cast the Knock Knock spell on the lock of the cage so that at least some of the tumblers can be lifted -- I'll try to handle the remaining tumblers." Gandalf nodded his head and cast the spell on the lock while Scully carefully picked it with her hairpin. It unlocked and the door opened. Frodo ran out quickly. "Oh, thank you so much, my friends!"

Meanwhile, Festule nearby rubbed his side where he got kicked by the strange man and cried loudly, a large puddle of tears quickly forming under his feet. "Waaaahh!! That no-good bully... He always bullies us Hobbits! Waaaahh..."

Ghee Ghee felt really sorry for the Hobbit and quickly took out a pacifier which she pushed into Festule's mouth, calming him down instantly. "There-sa, there-sa," consoled Ghee Ghee as she cradled Festule in her arms, "don't cry-sa... Everythingsa gonna be alrightsa..."

"Hey, will someone tell us what happened?" asked /)eathkiller.

"I don't know," replied Frodo. "Earlier on just after I teleported myself back here, that guy barged in and locked me up. He called himself El-minster or something like that, and said that he hated us Hobbits and wanted to kill us all. Then he went inside my bathroom to take a bath, and when he came out -- you fellas all came, too. The rest you should already know."

"Yes, I know that Elminster fellow," sighed Gandalf. "Real troublesome fellow he is. Keeps thinking I stole his wife's panties. I recognised him straight away when we came in."

"Scully," asked Mulder, "is it true what that Elminster fellow said to you -- that he's just got this new program installed which will wipe out us humans from this world?"

"Relax," answered Scully, "it's a lie. I know him. He's this a-hole who kept threatening to do all sorts of horrible things unless I agreed to... uhhh... go to bed with him..."

"Did you, Scully?" asked Mulder worriedly, eyes suddenly wide open.

"Of course, not, Mulder," replied Scully, "don't be silly. You know I'll never let another man have me (smiles sweetly at Mulder). In fact I've kept that a-hole at bay by threatening in turn to let his wife Chyna know about his interest in me if he continued to come after me."

"Well," said Gandalf, "his intention to kill all of our Hobbit friends might not be a lie! Which reminds me -- Frodo, where's the Ring?"

"Yes, where's the Ring?" echoed Mulder, Scully and /)eathkiller.

"What ring?" asked Frodo sheepishly.

"Don't pretend you don't know, Frodo!" said Gandalf. "Come, tell me, how did you teleport yourself back here earlier on?"

"Oh, you mean that ring..." muttered Frodo. "Why?... Okay, here it is... (shows a ring in his hand)."

"Frodo," said the tall, lanky wizard in a suddenly lowered voice, "that ring's a very, veeee-ry evil thing. It may give you all sorts of cool powers, yes, but it will also eventually turn you into a slobbering sex-monster who will go about raping every female creature on sight. No female human, Hobbit, elf, dwarf, orc or farm animal in the whole of Middle-Earth will be safe from you, on account of the powers the Ring will grant you. What's worse, every single victim of yours will get AIDS. And as the Ring works its evil magic on you still further, you'll eventually become gay and start going after males, too."

Frodo's face turned pale. "R-really, Gandalf?"

"It's all stated in the Prophecy, Frodo. I can show you which website to look up if you don't believe me."

"A lot of crimes have indeed been committed by people using this Ring," confirmed Mulder.

"Th-then what are we to do?..."

"Hand me the Ring, Frodo," said Gandalf. Frodo handed the Ring to the wizard and he put it down on the ground and sat on it. "Noooo!!" screamed Frodo in panic. "What are you doing to the Ring?"

"Have you fallen under the Ring's evil power already, Frodo? Huh?"

"I..."

Gandalf took out the Ring from under his butt. The Ring was totally unscathed. "Gee, how could this be?" gasped Frodo, touching the Ring. "It's not even warm."

"Nothing can damage the Ring," said Gandalf. "Well, except for one thing... Queen Amidala..."

"Queen Amidala?" said Luke. "That's my mother!"

"The only way to destroy this Ring is by having it crushed between the giant breasts of the legendary lady wrestler Queen Amidala," explained Gandalf. "Her breasts are so powerful they can smother any dark Jedi to death between them."

"But aren't Queen Galadriel's good enough? Or Jesse Ventura's? Grace Jones'?" asked Bilbo.

"Theirs are not round enough, and not of sufficient size, either," explained Gandalf. "Queen Amidala alone meets the requirements."

"We'll have to set out soon for my mother, then," said Luke. "I can ask my friend Han Solo to bring us to her in his Millennium Falcon tomorrow."

"Uhhhh..." interrupted a voice. It was Neo. "Sorry for the interruption, friends, but I just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Neo, and I've actually got a gift for Frodo which might be of help..."

[ 07-08-2002, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: K T Ong ]

[/)eathKiller]

Neo reached into his left pocket and pulled out a toy mok-up of the Nebekeneezer he threw it and it exploded in smoke with a "BOM" sound effect. Suddenly before them was the giant hovercraft.

"WOW! That could take us anywhere!"

"yes... + i jacked the batteries from Skully's car that allow it to interdimensionally travel so now it can hover ANYWHERE!"

/)eath started to shudder in horror... "THAT THINGS GOT EMP WEAPONS! AAAH!"

"what about EMPs?"

"O_o they could... y'know... Do the CUT! Without the PASTE!"

Everyone scratched their heads but Neo asured him
"Don't worry, the old EMP has been replaced by a Napalm launcher that doesn't require oxygen to burn..."

"you... you sure?"

"Absolutley!"

"well then heck lets get on!"

And the loads of people got onto the Napalm Nebekeneezer, death took a spraypaint can and starteed to spray the word "BEEBOP" onto the side of it like he was playing jet set radio.

"What are you doing?"

"well nothing now that I don't have roller blades on..."

"eh?"

The large black android was the last to jump onto the Hovercraft before its engiens started to fire up and Neo took the controlls.

"I got shotgun!" Luke said, taking controll of the Napalm launcher.

"3... 2... 1... LAUNCH!"

"launch what?"

"... um The WARP Engien thingy!"

"... oh in order for that to work you have to have a captain say "ENGAGE!"

Suddenly out of nowhere Patric Stewart and William Shatner showed up.. they pointed their fingers out at the same time and shouted "ENGAGE!"

[K T Ong]

(ooc: This is a continuation of the unfinished episode featuring the fight between Dracula and the Capcom ladies on page 1 of this thread. )

Dracula thrashed about frantically, mouth wide open but unable to make any sound. Then suddenly the bra snapped and Cammy tumbled back several paces, grabbing a bamboo curtain nearby for balance as she did. The bamboo jerked aside and through the window one could see that it was daybreak.

"Aaaargh!!" screamed the vampire lord upon seeing the sunlight. "I shall return, fools! Mark my words!" Then he leapt through the window -- and vanished.

"Whew," sighed Chun-Li. "Sure glad the stupid no-good bum is gone."

"He might be back, though," warned Cammy. "I think we should stay together this coming night in preparation for the a-hole, just in case."

"I think I know what to do to get rid of that idiot once and for all," said Shu-Lien. "Wait here for me, please." Then she went to the room where she kept the Green Destiny. What better way to be rid of that terrible nuisance than simply to suck his soul inside the enchanted blade, she thought.

Arriving at the room's door, she was shocked to find it unlocked. Momentarily seized with alarm, she quickly pushed the door open and went in -- and saw to her horror that the cabinet in which she kept the sword was wide open, and the sword gone...

********************************

The vehicle quaked and rumbled like it was really going to take off; then it went 'sputter, sputter' and ground to a halt.

"Damn! Out of gas!" cursed Neo. "And hey! Who are you guys?" (Looking at Stewart and Shatner.)

"Don't you know us?" said the taller of the two strangers. "We're Stewart and Shatner! Hello!"

"Oh, but of course!" said Neo with delight. "Hello!" The bunch alighted from the Nebekeneezer, and niceties were exchanged.

"So it seems we'll have to go tomorrow," said Luke, "since this thing's out of gas."

"Weesa might as wellsa," agreed Jar Jar. "Letsa stay for the nightsa and enjoy the partysa."

"Well," said Neo, "in fact I have another present for Frodo." And he showed the pink Pikachu lightsaber.

"Like it?" he asked Frodo. "This is my big birthday present for you!"

Frodo took the lightsaber. "Uhhh... Thank you, kind sir," he stuttered with a grin. "But... But I don't know how to use a lightsaber..."

Luke was about to say "no worries, Frodo, I can teach you" when he saw that the lightsaber was pink and had a Pikachu fixed upon its hilt. "Say, this is a real cool model!" exclaimed Luke with delight. "Hey, Frodo, can I exchange my lightsaber with yours?"

"I..."

Suddenly an Asian-looking lady came inside the (already crowded) house, brandishing an Oriental sword which gave off a ghastly green glow. "I am Jen," snapped the girl. "Hand me the One Ring -- or the Green Destiny shall claim your souls!"

[/)eathKiller]

Death turned and looked at the shiney sword.

"OOOoooOOOHhh" he let out walking toward her. "That's a nice sword ya' got there "

She eyed him with a glare and started to swing her sword toward the large robot. With Lightening reflexes and twin dexterity a purple sword of equal size and power with red lightening bolts and a slightly weaker red sword with purple lightening bolts colided with the green one. The android stared silently with it's gazing ocular sensors, peircing into Jen's eyes.

They both doubled back and sheithed their weapons.

"now then" the large robot said wiping some coolant off of his forehead with a hankercheif. "What brings you to Frodo's party?"

"SHE WANT'S THE RING!" Everybody let out after growing rather tired of the single goal which everyone seemed interested in...

"oh... OK!" the android let out and he quickly pulled out a purple ring with red lightening bolts out of one of his interdimensional pockets.

"Here... want this?"

Everyone fell over and gave a deep sigh

"OH she wants the ONE ring! ri-iight..."

Some people groaned others rolled their eyes.

"righty-o! let's party until tomorrow... but uh... how is it just BEING tomorrow going to refuel the Nebekeneezer?"

"I've... got... it!" Shatner let out breaking the silence.

"Well then what?"

"have... you... got... a... DILITUIUM... uh... CRYSTAL!"

"Yes! Or a Trilitium crystal!"

A cricket chirped for about 15 seconds

... "Best I can do is monolithium batteries..."

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