Joke World 02-01-09

[Bungleau]

Found on Failblog...



Love this part...

You recognize that one dollar is different than one cent, right? And half a dollar is different than half a cent, right? And 0.002 dollars is different than 0.002 cents, right? No? AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

[Bungleau]

Don't know if this was here before or not...

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’”

The teacher paused, then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”

One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy Mackerel! A talking chicken!’”

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[Arvon]

Oldie...

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said.

"I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got!"

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he says, "All right. Get in..."

[Bungleau]

http://hardocp.com/image.html?image=...ZfMV8xX2wuanBn

Cube-safe... but gotta be a joke, right?

[VulcanRider]

Originally Posted by Bungleau Found on Failblog... You recognize that one dollar is different than one cent, right? And half a dollar is different than half a cent, right? And 0.002 dollars is different than 0.002 cents, right? No? AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

English speakers who can't do math, or non-English speakers who can. Do you want to rip your hair out with your left hand, or your right?

[Arvon]

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.

Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!"

The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"

[Arvon]

Oldie...

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.

Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts.

Ole is very surprised.

He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.

When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."

Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"

Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"

Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."

[Arvon]

An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

"How can you tell?" asked the American.

"I can feel the cold air." he replied.

A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland." he said.

"How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert."

Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York."

The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?" they exclaimed.

The American pulled his hand up. "My watch is missing."

[Arvon]

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."

"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."'

The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.

"What was that for?" he complained.

"Your dog called last night."

[Bungleau]

A Tea Story

When I was a toddler, someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea,' which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "just the cutest thing!"

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up and then says,

"Did it ever occur to you that the only place that a toddler can reach to get water is the toilet?"