Joke World 06-01-09

[Wolf Rider2]

Well, I'm not all of those, but pretty close! Forgot the fact that we are damned proud of it, too!
Nice work, Kezardin. You've made the Ironworks Aussies proud.

[Wolf Rider2]

Super lame, but anyway...

What do you call a bug in a minefield?

Buggered.

[Kezardin]

Originally Posted by Wolf Rider2 Well, I'm not all of those, but pretty close! Forgot the fact that we are damned proud of it, too! Nice work, Kezardin. You've made the Ironworks Aussies proud.

Howdy WR2,

you're welcome

And, just for fun, a few more...

You know you're an Australian if...

46. At events such as football matches you can proudly join the crowd to sing about a man who drowns after trying to steal a sheep.



47. You know 'Mexicans' are from Mexico but 'mexicans' are from Victoria.

48. While you may not have been there, you know FNQ is a great place to holiday.

49. You know that 'shoot through' doesn't involve a weapon of any kind.

50. You know that 'Woop Woop' is a place, not a noise.

51. You know that Budgie Smugglers are an item of clothing.

[Arvon]

An oldie...

There was a blonde sitting on a plane in first class seats with an economy class ticket. The flight attendant asked to check her ticket.
'Excuse me' she said 'you only have an economy class ticket but you are sitting in first class. Could you please move to your allocated seat.'
The blonde was very stubborn and said 'Im blonde and beautiful and I'm going to New York.'
So the flight attendant went to another flight attendant and told her the problem. Her answer was the same.
'Im blonde and beautiful and Im going to new york.'
This went on throught 4 other flight attendants.
Finally they went to the captain and told him the problem.
He said 'I can handle this' and went to talk to her.
Hw whispered something in her ear and she got up and ran to economy class.
All the flight attendatns were shocked and they asked him how he did it.
He said 'I told her first class wasn't going to New York.'

[Arvon]

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.

Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" to which lawyer number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."

[Arvon]

A little old...

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.

After Little Johnny’s first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, “I think I broke his gambling”. The father asked how and she said, “He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money.”

“DAMN!” said the father.
“What’s wrong?”, the teacher asked.

Little Johnny’s father said, “This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher’s butt before the day was over!”

[Kezardin]

An Englishman died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates,
he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never
moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire
life.'

'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.

'Brown's clock is in Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'

[Kezardin]

Jock the bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The
funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As Jock was not familiar with the backwoods area, he became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. He finally
arrived an hour late. He saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

Jock apologized to the workers for his tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where he saw the vault lid already in place.

Jock assured the workers he would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around,
still eating their lunch. Jock played out his heart and soul.

As Jock played the workers began to weep. He played and he played like he'd never played before, from Going Home and
The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest .

Jock closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to his car.

As he was opening the door and taking off his coat, he overheard one of the workers saying to another, "Sweet Jeezuz, Mary'n Joseph,
I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

[Arvon]

A little PG...


A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

[VulcanRider]

Hey, it made me laugh...
more at http://manbabies.com/