on the lighter side, chamber of laughter is back.....

[J.J.]

> Twenty-eight years ago, Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain
man, was
> drafted by the Army.
>
> On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb.
That
> afternoon, an Army barber sheared his head.
>
> On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush.
> That afternoon, an Army dentist yanked several of his teeth.
>
> On his third day, he was issued a jock strap. . .
> The Army is still looking for him.
>

[Downunda]

Originally posted by J.J.: Bullshit Bingo Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here is a way to change all of that! How to play: Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout BULLSHIT!! Synergy Strategic Fit Gap Analysis Best Practice Bottom Line Revisit Bandwidth Hardball Out of the Loop Benchmark Value-Added Proactive Win-Win Think Outside the Box Fast Track Result-Driven Empower [or] Empowerment Knowledge Base Total Quality [or] Quality Driven Touch Base Mindset Client Focus[ed] Ball Park Game Plan Leverage Testimonials from satisfied players: “I had only been in the meeting for five minutes when I won.” - Jack W. - Boston “My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically.” - David D. - Florida “What a gas. Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win.” - Bill R. - New York City “The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the 5th box.” - Ben G. - Denver “The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed ‘Bullshit’ for the third time in 2 hours.” - Kathleen L. - Atlanta

I Love it! I'm gonna make up some cards when I get home from work tonight.

Here's my little contribution [img]tongue.gif[/img]

An irate patient runs into a doctor's office, in great discomfort. "Oh, doctor," the man says, "I've been having lots of pain in my... well... y'know... anus..."
"Well, let me take a look then," replies the doctor.
So he does his business, but just as he's finishing examining the patient, he notices something sticking out of his backside. He pulls it out, and it turns out to be a five dollar note. "Wow," says the doctor, "it's no wonder you were feeling bad... hold on, there's more..." so the doctor continues to pull out more and more money; five dollar notes, ten dollar notes, hundred dollar notes... until there isn't a single dollar left. The doctor then does a quick count-up of the cash.
"Unbelievable!" he says. "$1999!"
"Well, that's no surprise," says the patient. "I didn't think I felt too grand"

Give me your best shot [img]tongue.gif[/img]

*Dodges rotting tomatoes*

[Sir Krustin]

Originally posted by 250: Revenge on the Telemarketer

ROFL! You are one sadistic bastard!

[Sir Krustin]

So the game warden hears about a fisherman that's out poaching, so he dresses normal for a day out fishing and visits the guy and aska him if he wants to go fishing. The guy looks at him strangely and says "sure".

So off they go, when they get to the middle of the lake, the game warden can't believe his eyes when the guy pulls out a box of dynamite, lights a stick, and tosses it into the water. *BOOM* A great pillar of water flies up, along with a number of fish floating belly up. The game warden just shakes his head and says "you realize, that's against the law?"

The guy just looks at him, pulls out another stick, lights it, and hands it to the game warden..."Are you going to talk or fish?"

[J.J.]

Originally posted by Sir Krustin: So the game ... The guy just looks at him, pulls out another stick, lights it, and hands it to the game warden..."Are you going to talk or fish?"

O M G !! LSHIHM/ROTFLMGO! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

That is great, sending it to a cousing who is a fish and feathers in ND, tnx

[J.J.]

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your
hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always
catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under with shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge: mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its
ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not
the joy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can
get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while
you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a
rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody's
bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

[Sir Krustin]

A man and a friend go for a drive around town. As they come up to an intersection, the light turns red but the man proceeds through the intersection.

The passenger freaks out, "what are you doing, that was a red light?!?!?"
The man replies, "don't worry, me and my brother we do this all the time."

Continuing on, the hit another red light, again the man drives right through.

The passenger again yells out, "you're going to get us killed! red means STOP!!"
The driver replies, "don't worry, me and my brother we've done this hundreds of times, and we've never been hit yet."

Driving on further, they arrive at an intersection, but this time the light is green. *SCREEEECH* The driver stops the car, the passenger looks at him, "what's the matter? the lights green, you can go!"

The driver replies, "what, are you NUTS?!?! My brother might be coming!"

[ 10-20-2002, 07:10 PM: Message edited by: Sir Krustin ]

[Nanobyte]

I made this one up in the shower, so don't go [img]graemlins/1drool.gif[/img] on me now.

What do you call it when you fart in the bathtub?
A hydrogen bomb.

Little humor I get from my Chem. teacher. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Ronn_Bman]

JJ, your jokes are always the funniest, no matter what thread you post them in. I can't imagine anyone not getting chuckle from your stuff.