Rugby...the game they play in heaven

[Davros]

It has been strangely quiet here in the halls of Rugby - our pal Donut has not graced us with his presence . So, I have composed a poem in memory of him - please enjoy .


ODE to DONUT

There was an Ancient Donut,
A man of trusting soul
Quick to feet, with loud applause
When the Gooners score a goal

An all round British sportsman
And a staunch admirer still
Of his national sporting treausures
E'en when there o'er the hill.

A defender of life's freedoms
Yea, the weekly footy trip
Putting the boot into Sarah
As he allies hiself with Chip

In July he switches on
To the Wimbledon display
Just to see if tiny Timmy
Might, just one year, not dismay.

And every twelve year cycle
When the Lions come to town
He becomes so very vocal
Except last night, why the frown.

For last night he was absent
And he was so sorely missed
For when his Lions got splattered
He probably decided to have the odd cleansing ale

And we know he's not in Edgbaston
To see Gillie's flashing blade
He's outside practising some strange dance
Hoping to rain on our parade.

But never fear for Donut
He can take care of himself
We must just await some Brit success
To bring him off his shelf.

There we go - it ain't no Banjo Patterson, but the best I could do at short notice .


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[This message has been edited by Davros (edited 07-08-2001).]

[Memnoch]

Hmm...Donut not here yet? Earth to Donut!

I want to talk to Donut about sports. I know he's a big sports fan! And I love hearing his perceptive insights about any sport in the book. I wanted to talk to him about cricket...actually, Australia's flogging England there, so maybe not cricket. What about tennis? Ehm...Pat Rafter's in the Wimbledon final...Henman still struggling against Goran Ivanisevic, ranked 125th in the world? Hmmm, maybe not a good topic either. What about rugby? The Lions belted the Wallabies last week, didn't they? They're easily the best touring rugby team to ever come to Australia. Surely we can talk about the Lions! Um - what did you say? Australia smashed the Lions 35-14 did they? They obliterated the best of the four Home Unions?

Anyone seen Donut? I wanted to talk to him about lawn bowls.

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[Memnoch]

Love your work, Davros!

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[Davros]

Glad you liked the poem Memmie - now if we could just get an opinion from our Cider loving pal .

PS Who's playing who in the lawn bowls????

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[Memnoch]

Originally posted by Davros: PS Who's playing who in the lawn bowls????

I don't know, but if an Aussie was playing he'd probably be winning too. F

You know what, I'm getting worried that I might be getting just a little bit too one-eyed in my support of the Aussies here, so to be fair I am pasting a news report about the cricket from the UK's Sunday Times website.


THERE was a clatter of Australian wickets at Edgbaston yesterday and the crowd roared their approval of every one. There is nothing like watching Australia lose to lift the spirits.

Unfortunately, the team giving them a hard time was India, not England, and the action occurring on the giant replay screen, not the pitch. It was raining and television was showing highlights of the Calcutta Test in March.

Out in the middle, once play resumed, the story was very different - and all too grimly familiar - and English spirits soon crashed back to earth, where they will probably stay for the foreseeable future.

By the time the wickets really began falling, it was too late. Australia's lead was already more than 200 when Mark Butcher ran through the late order with four wickets in 14 balls. When Darren Gough scuttled his sixth ball of the day through to remove Steve Waugh, the man who had broken English hearts on Friday, there was still hope of keeping Australia's lead within manageable bounds.

The ball was swinging in overcast conditions and for the first time Gough and Andrew Caddick looked threatening in tandem.

What a false dream that proved. Amid a flurry of over-attacking cricket from Nasser Hussain, slipshod fielding and brutally unforgiving batting, Australia proceeded to pull away from their opponents with all the certainty of men not expecting to catch sight of England again - except in their rear-view mirrors - until they say goodbye on August 27.

The sixth-wicket pair of Damien Martyn and Adam Gilchrist added 160 from the next 208 balls with a bombardment of strokes that left England punch-drunk and bitterly rueing let-offs they had afforded each man immediately play resumed in the afternoon. Gough and Caddick, a much-vaunted new-ball pair, were frankly humiliated, their combined figures of four for 315 from 69 overs telling their own shocking tale.

Australia delivered an awesome statement of intent. They carried their score to 576 at an overall rate of 4.5 runs per over, their highest total in 10 Tests at Edgbaston and a lead of 282 - and Glenn McGrath then drove another nail in the England coffin by dismissing his "bunny", Michael Atherton, with his ninth ball, a snarler that reared and flew off the outside edge to second slip, where Mark Waugh completed the catch. It was the 14th time he had taken Atherton's wicket in 26 Test innings.

Marcus Trescothick and Mark Butcher survived the final 45 minutes before bad light ended the day amid tension but no clear-cut chances.

Martyn and Gilchrist joined Waugh as century-makers on their first appearances against England, the 20th and 21st Australians to perform the feat. Two other members of this side are among the group, Mark Waugh and Ricky Ponting.

As a rule, Australians do not waste time getting stuck into the Poms and this pair were certainly no exception. Both made their highest scores in all Tests, Martyn 105 - his first century against all-comers - and Gilchrist 152.

Gilchrist, along with Lance Klusener the most dangerous hitter in the game today, rubbed England's faces in the dirt with a ferocious assault in company with the last man, Glenn McGrath. He smashed Butcher for 22 in an over, which contained three sixes, a four and a stinging return chance. The stand was worth 51 before McGrath contributed a run and was worth 63 when Gilchrist holed out aiming for a sixth six. He struck 20 fours - among 348 runs that the Australians hit in boundaries alone.

He slashed through gully past Craig White's outstretched hand on 14. In the next over, Martyn, on 65, edged an outswinger that Alec Stewart spilled in front of first slip. But after that the door was firmly slammed on England's hopes.

Hussain warned in his pre-series address that England could not afford for Australia to score 500 or be dismissed themselves for 150. He would not have been expecting that at the first time of asking, the Australians would so nearly realise not one but both. But for the desperate hitting of their last-wicket pair, England would have been bowled out for fewer than 200, while Australia never looked like getting anything less than 500. And Hussain was right. England could afford neither.

England's modest but practical plans at least to compete with, rather than necessarily beat, these awesome opponents are already looking vulnerable. The management's obsession with keeping players out of the grasp of their counties has meant the team going into the match grossly underprepared. Of the "contracted 12" only Hussain and Matthew Hoggard played last weekend and Hoggard did not even make the final XI.

It has shown. Gough and Caddick were off the pace and Trescothick looks like a man trying to make up for not batting in earnest for three weeks. Ashley Giles is nowhere near full fitness and White is still working his way back to full pace. As for the fielding, it is as rusty as an Aussie pick-up.

Their early reprieves apart, neither Martyn nor Gilchrist seriously looked like missing out on their hundreds. Martyn, who had a 34-run start over his partner, got there first but two balls later fell to a brilliant diving catch by Trescothick.

This triggered a collapse as Butcher forged through the lower order with his swinging medium-pace. Warne and Lee were out to successive balls, both to catches at first slip, and although Gillespie prevented the hat-trick he was leg-before two balls later, leaving Gilchrist in the company of McGrath looking for the seven runs he needed for his hundred.

He got there with typical audacity, with an upward flick off a short ball from Caddick that flew with one bounce into the pavilion fence.

At 118 balls, it was the slowest of his three Test hundreds but 45 faster than the one by Martyn, who was no slouch himself.

Gilchrist has been established in the Australian Test side for two years but this innings may see Martyn, who made his debut nine years ago, finally cement a place. His selection at Justin Langer's expense seemed a gamble at the time, but not any more.

This Australian top six could be in place until the Waughs walk off into the sunset, probably at the same time after the next World Cup in 2003. It cannot come a moment too soon.





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[Davros]

So, let me get this straight - the crowd's idea of good entertainment was to watch all those dodgy LBW decisions by those highly competant Indian umpires - those guys must be desperate to see some Aussies lose . Just finished my dinner, and in the mood for desert - anyone for a Donut .

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[Davros]

WOOHOO, 6 wickets down already, and Hussian retired hurt. Looks like it won't be a late night tonight after all (that is unless Donut comes out to play).

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[Memnoch]

Yeah, I was surprised that Gilchrist didn't retire hurt yesterday - I thought he may have been taken off with a sore wrist, from flicking the ball over the fence all the time.

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[Davros]

Three quick wickets to the Doughboy and it's all over - what a THRASHING!!!!!! What with Henman losing as well, we may not see Donut back for some time - come on Donut, all your Aussie pals miss you .

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[Memnoch]

I'm in mourning that Henman lost. I so wanted Rafter to beat him!

Did England get over 150 in their second innings?

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