Perfectionism, Is it Inspiring or threatening ?

[Lord Starshadow]

I'm fairly perfectionistic, but it depends on what I'm doing. For example, I absolutely hate bad grammar, so if I make a spelling mistake or something, I always feel the need to correct it. And nothing bothers me more than seeing a typo or mistake in a newspaper or book I'm reading (isn't someone paid to make sure there aren't any mistakes?). Yes, even when reading other people's things as well, but I keep that to myself. [img]smile.gif[/img] Of course, people take advantage of that by letting me reading their essays and such; I'm a proofreader extraordinaire! There are other things I'm a perfectionist about, but I don't want to bore anyone with any other examples. [img]smile.gif[/img]

It can really be a bad thing because I get so caught up in doing something exactly right that it often takes the fun out of things that should be fun. I enjoy reading, and if I let myself go into grammar mode, then every little mistake bothers me, and it hampers my enjoyment of whatever I'm reading. Luckily, I've started to learn to control myself, so now I have more fun doing things I enjoy.

[Sazerac]

It's good to strive for perfection, but always remember that it is an "ideal." I would hate to be "perfect" because that would, paradoxically, be considered a static condition, and to me, perfection is constantly moving and changing; it is dynamic.

Setting one's goals high is admirable. Setting oneself up to be perfect is an exercise in futility, and can lead to low self-esteem. For example, students who I've seen kicking themselves (literally) because they made a 98 on an exam rather than 100. I pulled one off to the side and asked her one time, "What is the difference between 90 and 100?" "Ten points!" she wailed. "NO," I said, and then reiterated the question. The answer was, of course, "nothing." An "A" is an "A", whether it is a 90 or 100. By setting herself up to be perfect, she refused to allow anything other than perfection as her standard, and thereby refused to allow herself any enjoyment over any accomplishment she made, since it wasn't "perfect." Really rather sad, if you ask me.

-Sazerac

[Charean]

Remember Anal Retentive or Obsessive Compulsive is not a Perfectionist.

Frasier Crane is a Perfectionist.

Felix Unger is Anal Retentive and Obsessive Compulsive.

[Albromor]

Perfectionism is rooted in low self-esteem. Both the psychodynamic and cognitive-behavioral schools of therapy show that at their psychic core perfectionists are guilt ridden, guilt driven. Here is the thing: Perfectionists cannot fail for failure cuts to their wounded core. Failure brings forth deep guilt. To combat and guard against failure the perfectionist will strive to see that they do not fail by rigid control of their environment. In other words, if they can control their environment they will not fail. The problem is that the environment isn't really controllable. Another problem is that failer is always only one step away which drives the perfectionist to controlling themselves and often others. Extreme cases are whereby people in your life never seem to measure up to your standards; if only they would then they would be happier and more productive (and you wouldn't be frustrated). As always, perfectionism takes differing degrees as many of you have already attested to. Under the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV; which is THE standard manual for diagnosis) published by the American Psychiatric Association, lable perfectionists as Obsessive-Compulsive. Here is some of what they say:

"The essential feature of the Obsessive-Compulsive... is a preoccupation with ordiliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency. This pattern begins in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts... Individuals with O-C attempt to maintain a sense of control to painstaking attention to rules, trivial details, procedures, lists, schedules... [they] display excessive devotion to work and productivity to the exclusion of liesure activities and friendships... and when they do have time they are uncomfortable [for they think it is a waste of time]..."

There is a whole lot more but I think you get a glimpse of what perfectionism is. personally, wacky, I think your own description is right on. Remember, however, the woundedness that a perfectionistic has can be of varying degress. That is why you have have varying degrees of response on this board. By the way, anal attentive and obsessive-compulsive ARE the same thing. Frasier and Felix are in the same boat, but Felix is definitly the more extreme. For what its worth...

[Yorick]

[quote] origi

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Albromor: Perfectionism is rooted in low self-esteem. Both the psychodynamic and cognitive-behavioral schools of therapy show that at their psychic core perfectionists are guilt ridden, guilt driven. Here is the thing: Perfectionists cannot fail for failure cuts to their wounded core. Failure brings forth deep guilt. To combat and guard against failure the perfectionist will strive to see that they do not fail by rigid control of their environment. In other words, if they can control their environment they will not fail.

I'd challenge that assertion for creators of art, architecture and houses. Attention to detail, not having walls and a roof fall down is kind of important.

It also denys the positive impetus of love cand care.

I mean look at the opposite. Songs half finished because the writer doesn't care about his work? A house shoddily built? I think those studies ignore a vast section of those leaning towards perfectionism.

It's about balance and discernment. Controlling what you can, and letting go of what you cannot.

Like driving. You have to be in control of the car or you crash. It's not simply enough to not be attentive about everything. Yet you need to let go of the idea that you can control another person within a relationship, or the relationship will crash.

[ 10-31-2002, 02:44 PM: Message edited by: Yorick ]

[/)eathKiller]

I hate perfectionism... it's what makes time wasted and life not worth living to me, but that's just me... why can't we all just get aloooong? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Aelia Jusa]

Originally posted by Albromor: Under the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV; which is THE standard manual for diagnosis) published by the American Psychiatric Association, lable perfectionists as Obsessive-Compulsive. Here is some of what they say: "The essential feature of the Obsessive-Compulsive... is a preoccupation with ordiliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency. This pattern begins in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts... Individuals with O-C attempt to maintain a sense of control to painstaking attention to rules, trivial details, procedures, lists, schedules... [they] display excessive devotion to work and productivity to the exclusion of liesure activities and friendships... and when they do have time they are uncomfortable [for they think it is a waste of time]..." There is a whole lot more but I think you get a glimpse of what perfectionism is. personally, wacky, I think your own description is right on. Remember, however, the woundedness that a perfectionistic has can be of varying degress. That is why you have have varying degrees of response on this board. By the way, anal attentive and obsessive-compulsive ARE the same thing. Frasier and Felix are in the same boat, but Felix is definitly the more extreme. For what its worth...

What you're actually quoting is the description for Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder - NOT Obsessive-compulsive disorder. People with OCD may be perfectionists but it is not the major characteristic of the disorder (in fact not even part of the diagnostic criteria - see page 462 of DSM-IV-TR) - obsessions and compulsions are, which someone who is a perfectionist (as described by Whacky) need not have, and OCPD is differentiated from OCD because OCPD sufferers don't have true obsessions and compulsions. Moreover the presentation for OCPD need not include perfectionism - it is merely one of eight criteria of which only four are necessary to be diagnosed.

[Azred]

Striving for perfection is a good thing, as long as you realize that perfection will never be attained. I, myself, suffered for a while like the girl mentioned by Sazerac: what?! I got a measly 98?! [img]graemlins/madhell.gif[/img]

Then I earned some wisdom. Do your best, this is all that can be asked of anyone. If your best is an 87, then so be it.

The reason that perfectionists make other people nervous is because, for the most part, you don't possess any skills or abilities that they don't; however, you discipline yourself more and you strive to attain higher goals, which serves to point out a lack of discipline in them and no one likes to look bad. What is even worse is that they fear that you, having performed better, might become condescending towards them or that you might begin to feel that you are indeed better than they are.

Just do your best and set realistic goals to try and attain. Always keep pushing your boundaries. Finally, don't worry about what other people may be thinking--there is nothing so trivial as another person's opinion of you. [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img]