A daily laugh ! - Page 2

Cloudbringer · 02-07-2001, 09:59 PM

Moridin: Thank you.

Cloudbringer, backing out of the tent

02-07-2001, 10:06 PM

*summons a Pit Fiend into the center of this room of sleaze, dirt, and Ice Weasels and runs out as it starts to chase after him!*

damnit! always forget about pretection from evil..

Cloudbringer · 02-07-2001, 10:11 PM

Caliton: teehee

Cloudbringer, moving the rest of the way out of the tent now

Gabriel · 02-07-2001, 10:35 PM

Ok i join in now the ladies have left.

Little Johnny and Suzie were walking home from school after their first sex education class, when Suzie said that one thing she didn't understand about it all was, "What is a penis?" Little Johnny said he didn't know either, but would ask his father that night, because his father "Knew everything." That night, when Johnny's father came home from work, Little Johnny asked, "Dad, what's a penis?" Johnny's father led him into the bedroom, where Johnny's father dropped his trousers, pointed down, and said, "That, Johnny, is a penis." He then looked down at it and added, "In fact, that's what I would call a PERFECT penis!" Little Johnny was impressed, thanked his father for explaining it, and ran out to play. The next morning, Little Johnny and Suzie were walking to school when Johnny proudly announced that he knew what a penis is. Suzie wanted to know, so Johnny led her around behind a bush, dropped his trousers, pointed down, and announced, "That, Suzie, is a penis." He looked down at it and added, "In fact, if it was just 3 inches shorter, it would be a PERFECT penis!!!

and heres a clean one.

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..." "My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?" "He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Charlie · 02-07-2001, 11:42 PM

Two cannibals are eating a clown, the first one stares at the meat, looks up, and says to his mate "Does this meat taste funny to you"

Accord · 02-07-2001, 11:46 PM

Husband 1.0 vs Boyfriend 5.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Hot-sex 1.0 and Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Desperate Wife.

---------------------------------------------

Dear Desperate Wife,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Keep-a-nice-body 10.1

Tech Support

Zoratorak · 02-08-2001, 03:01 AM

lets see if i can still recall this joke...
its a clean one... maybe a lame one

lets see now..

one day when you grow old...
you may lose riches
you may lose your properties
you may even lose everything youve ever own
the one thing you may not lose is your good looks... why??
because how can you lose something if you never even had it...

Accord · 02-08-2001, 03:25 AM

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table--whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight.

Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled
it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed thatcue ball, he measures everything first."

Drake · 02-08-2001, 04:38 AM

I just want to say sorry in advance to any blonds that read these joke.

What did the blond say when she saw a box of cherrios?
"look donut seeds"

What do a bottle of beer and a blond have in commen?
They are both empty from the neck up.

hahah

Drau · 02-08-2001, 04:47 AM

Q. Why do cowboys have the same size balls?

A. So they can pull each others' horse trailers.

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02-07-2001, 09:59 PM	#11
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	Moridin: Thank you. Cloudbringer, backing out of the tent

02-07-2001, 10:06 PM	#12
Caliton Guest Posts: n/a	summons a Pit Fiend into the center of this room of sleaze, dirt, and Ice Weasels and runs out as it starts to chase after him! damnit! always forget about pretection from evil..

02-07-2001, 10:11 PM	#13
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	Caliton: teehee Cloudbringer, moving the rest of the way out of the tent now

02-07-2001, 10:35 PM	#14
Gabriel Emerald Dragon Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: England Age: 42 Posts: 920	Ok i join in now the ladies have left. Little Johnny and Suzie were walking home from school after their first sex education class, when Suzie said that one thing she didn't understand about it all was, "What is a penis?" Little Johnny said he didn't know either, but would ask his father that night, because his father "Knew everything." That night, when Johnny's father came home from work, Little Johnny asked, "Dad, what's a penis?" Johnny's father led him into the bedroom, where Johnny's father dropped his trousers, pointed down, and said, "That, Johnny, is a penis." He then looked down at it and added, "In fact, that's what I would call a PERFECT penis!" Little Johnny was impressed, thanked his father for explaining it, and ran out to play. The next morning, Little Johnny and Suzie were walking to school when Johnny proudly announced that he knew what a penis is. Suzie wanted to know, so Johnny led her around behind a bush, dropped his trousers, pointed down, and announced, "That, Suzie, is a penis." He looked down at it and added, "In fact, if it was just 3 inches shorter, it would be a PERFECT penis!!! and heres a clean one. The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..." "My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?" "He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

02-07-2001, 11:42 PM	#15
Charlie Lord Ao Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 31 Posts: 2,023	Two cannibals are eating a clown, the first one stares at the meat, looks up, and says to his mate "Does this meat taste funny to you"

02-07-2001, 11:46 PM	#16
Accord Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 3,537	Husband 1.0 vs Boyfriend 5.0 Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Hot-sex 1.0 and Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. Desperate Wife. --------------------------------------------- Dear Desperate Wife, Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Keep-a-nice-body 10.1 Tech Support

02-08-2001, 03:01 AM	#17
Zoratorak Welcomed New User Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Philippines Posts: 2	lets see if i can still recall this joke... its a clean one... maybe a lame one lets see now.. one day when you grow old... you may lose riches you may lose your properties you may even lose everything youve ever own the one thing you may not lose is your good looks... why?? because how can you lose something if you never even had it...

02-08-2001, 03:25 AM	#18
Accord Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 3,537	A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?" He just ate the cue ball off my pool table--whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed thatcue ball, he measures everything first."

02-08-2001, 04:38 AM	#19
Drake Baaz Draconian Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: ? Age: 41 Posts: 729	I just want to say sorry in advance to any blonds that read these joke. What did the blond say when she saw a box of cherrios? "look donut seeds" What do a bottle of beer and a blond have in commen? They are both empty from the neck up. hahah

02-08-2001, 04:47 AM	#20
Drau Elite Waterdeep Guard Join Date: March 8, 2001 Location: British Columbia, Canada Posts: 5	Q. Why do cowboys have the same size balls? A. So they can pull each others' horse trailers.

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