I need a little objective advice please.

[Timber Loftis]

I think your girlfriend just likes the drama. My mother was this way, and it made me almost turn out this way. She and I are both over it now, in our relations with each other and with other people, but not without effort. If she does this to you on other issues, she's definately got a drama queen problem.

As for Ronn's comments about the child support, I agree. But, if the $500 comes to your son in other ways - gifts, trips, or what-not, then he is getting his due from your Ex. Also, if you want to enter a consent decree, you can enjoy the benefits of wage deductions (e.g. not dealing with the issue every month, missed or incomplete payments, etc.) while agreeing on a figure more palettable to your ex.

I think the real issues start when it comes time for you to buy a bunch of books or sports equipment, a class ring, or rent a tux for prom, etc. Those are the instances when the "how much will you contribute" issues will come to a head between you and your Ex.

I still say that keeping the relationship with her open and friendly benefits your son to an immesuarable end.

[Sir Kenyth]

Originally posted by Thoran: quote: Originally posted by Sir Kenyth: That brings me to another realization. My girlfriend seems to like taking arguments to the point where I get mad and give the "I'm not taking anymore shit of you! See ya later!" attitude. Once it gets to here, then all of a sudden she's sweet as pie the next time I see her. It's not just an act either. It's like all of a sudden, it's resolved because my anger was finally aroused. Hmmmmmmmmm! I've heard of women who act like this, but never dealt with it. Something about they like to see a little aggessiveness in their boyfriends and are willing to aggravate them to see it on occasion. I don't know. Any thoughts?

Perhaps she feels she's at a disadvantage to you in the relationship, so she's afraid to press issues. If this is the case then LOOKOUT... the day she no longer feels that way is the day you will hear about EVERYTHING you've ever done that she disagreed with... in DETAIL! People can't bottle up problems without them surface later, after they've had some time to fester.

My current wife was relying on me to pay bills before we got married so she was always deferential when push came to shove (even though I NEVER asked her to be). These days she feels at a disadvantage because I'm still paying all the bills and she's basically free to do her own thing (although I've pushed her to make sure part of her "thing" is finishing up her degree). BUT... since we're married, instead of being deferential she just gets mad at ME because she feels that way. Honestly I prefer this to deferential, but it makes things tougher in our relationship than they need to be.[/QUOTE]She's definately not at a financial disadvantage. She has the better job position and paycheck. I still spend more on her than vice-versa just because I feel that it's more the guys job to court the girl. It's a social view thing with many and therefore doesn't have to make sense. This is a very flexible issue with me though. If I say I'm short and can't afford to take her out for dinner and night clubs, she seems quite happy to cover the evening and I don't make an issue out of it. The important thing is that we're having a good time together. I have pride, but not to the point of detriment. I could swear I remember reading somewhere that many women do not like seeing their men as "passive" and will goad them to prove to themselves otherwise.

[Gammit]

If you need money to raise your children, then I would try to talk to your ex about it rather than going through the courts. Maybe you two can come up with some kind of plan (x dollars a month, or up to x dollars per situation that comes up). This would definitely benefit all parties involved.

This decision is between yourself and your ex-wife. I would tell everybody else that you appreciate their input, but to leave things be. You are an adult, and are entitled to your opinions and decisions.

[Ronn_Bman]

Originally posted by Timber Loftis: if you want to enter a consent decree, you can enjoy the benefits of wage deductions (e.g. not dealing with the issue every month, missed or incomplete payments, etc.) while agreeing on a figure more palettable to your ex. I think the real issues start when it comes time for you to buy a bunch of books or sports equipment, a class ring, or rent a tux for prom, etc. Those are the instances when the "how much will you contribute" issues will come to a head between you and your Ex. I still say that keeping the relationship with her open and friendly benefits your son to an immesuarable end.

Absolutely.

My X and I initially agreed to an amount significantly less than she was suppose to pay, but we did it through the court, so she and I didn't have to deal with money. Over the years I've requested a couple of re-evaluations by the courts, and she now pays the full amount which is less than $200 a month including insurance and doctor's visits. She should pay more, but a large part of her income is "under the table", and I'm not willing to push that point in front of a judge.

TL, you make a great point about teenagers being MUCH more expensive than younger kids. Another reason I think a savings account is a great idea. Especially if you remember to "credit" the paying parent for helping with the fund. It makes them feel good and shows the child you're working together as parents. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Sir K, please don't take my earlier rant as anything other than a number of reasons you should not feel bad about needing/wanting financial support from your X.

I credit going to court for custody, instead of leaving the issue unresolved, and choosing payroll deducted for child support as the two most important reasons for my current reasonable relationship with my X. It took away all of our real reasons for fighting, so we had to realize any animosity and any further arguments were about our failed relationship. Since neither of us wanted a relationship any longer, it was a perfect segue to finally and completely letting go.

[ 11-20-2002, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: Ronn_Bman ]

[DragonMage]

Originally posted by Sir Kenyth: I could swear I remember reading somewhere that many women do not like seeing their men as "passive" and will goad them to prove to themselves otherwise.

While this could be part of the problem, I also agree with the 'drama queen' issue. Some women can't seem to be happy unless they have arguments now and again. She probably feels more 'in control' if she knows she can push your buttons.

Also, if she's been in dysfunctional relationships before, she probably doesn't feel 'normal' if there's not some fighting from time to time. It's not healty, imo, although you could ask Moiraine who will tell you she likes the making up after a good argument. So you will have to delve deeper into what's happened with the g/f to see if it's just her personality or something that has happened to cause her to be so confrontational.

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