Funny - Really bad analogies (Long)

[VulcanRider]

Questionable Analogies

We are all those little pink and blue plastic people in the game of Life.
(Meghann Olson, Bakersfield)

She was sending me more mixed signals than a dyslexic third-base coach.
(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

She felt used and unwanted, like the two chocolate halves of an Oreo cookie after someone has already licked the cream out of them. (Kristi Herd,Denver)

Chicken. It's like a cow but different. (Ben Olson, Bakersfield)

She danced with the grace and elegance of a pregnant cow. (Patricia Kilday)

My underwear stuck to my backside like an All-Pro cornerback to a rookie wide receiver as I browsed through the seed catalog that had mistakenly found its way into my mailbox. (Ron Calabrese, Reisterstown)

Losing is like fertilizer, it stinks for a while, then you get used to it.
(Tony, Hibbing)

A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant. (unknown)

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

The moon looked like a discarded toenail clipping submersed in a puddle of saliva on a black formica countertop. (Lindsay Robertson, Brooklyn, NY)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (unknown)

Having O.J. try on the bloody glove was a stroke of genius unseen since the debut of Goober on "Mayberry R.F.D". (John Kammer, Herndon)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes woo woo woo. (unknown)

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.(unknown)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (unknown)

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse)

"I want some red roses for a blue lady," crooned Raoul, stopping at the florist's on his way to the morgue. (David Hirsch, Seattle)

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

Just like (or as) a bicycle rider lifts his butt from the seat when he sees a bump coming, so Bob pulled back, emotionally, when Alice got angry. (Jim Caughran, Willowdale)

The painting was very Escher-like, as if Escher had painted an exact copy of an Escher painting. (unknown)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

After sending in my entries for the Style Invitational, I feel relieved and apprehensive, like a little boy who has just wet his bed. (Wayne Goode,Madison)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (unknown)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose. (unknown)

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. (Jennifer Frank and Jimmy Pontzer, Washington and Sterling)

The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. (unknown)

His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat. (Jeffrey Carl, Richmond)

[Bristowe]

Hey these are really funny! lmao