Random Thoughts...

John D Harris · 03-06-2002, 11:44 PM

...or what you come up with when you contimpate your navel.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,"Implants?"

I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing
up really fast.

Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in
value.

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make
Bloody Marys.

But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!!

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for $1.50 cents at the bowling alley.

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me
lately!

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've
stayed alive.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on
the highway?

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for
Miss America?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal
probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.

Thank goodness snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:,"Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been!!"

Scholarcs · 03-07-2002, 12:21 AM

those are really funny! I laughed and laughed.

Liliara · 03-07-2002, 04:12 AM

Hmmmmmmm...........

Even after all this time away, I come back to find that you still have all of the most important knowledge, John D. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liliara · 03-07-2002, 04:15 AM

Ouch! Just realized that I have to fix my sig!

03-06-2002, 11:44 PM	#1
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 63 Posts: 3,577	...or what you come up with when you contimpate your navel. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative. I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,"Implants?" I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast. Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!! I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for $1.50 cents at the bowling alley. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect. I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately! Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway? How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world. Thank goodness snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:,"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!!" __________________ Crustiest of the OLD COOTS "Donating mirrors for years to help the Liberal/Socialist find their collective rear-ends, because both hands doesn't seem to be working. Veitnam 61-65:KIA 1864 66:KIA 5008 67:KIA 9378 68:KIA 14594 69:KIA 9414 70:KIA 4221 71:KIA 1380 72:KIA 300 Afghanistan2001-2008 KIA 585 2009-2012 KIA 1465 and counting Davros 1 Much abliged Massachusetts

03-07-2002, 12:21 AM	#2
Scholarcs Red Dragon Join Date: December 5, 2001 Location: Auckland, New Zealand Age: 38 Posts: 1,557	those are really funny! I laughed and laughed. __________________ <br />\"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five\" - Groucho Marx<br />Member of the ORT Clan. <br />\"Some birds are not meant to be caged because their feathers are too bright\"<br />Ma bouche sera la bouche des malheurs qui n\'ont point de bouche, ma voix, la liberté de celles qui s\'affaissent au cachot du désespoir. - Aimé Césaire<br />La plus perdue de toutes les journées est celle où l\'on n\'a pas ri. - Sébastien Roch Nicolas

03-07-2002, 04:12 AM	#3
Liliara Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: August 17, 2001 Location: Florida Posts: 874	Hmmmmmmm........... Even after all this time away, I come back to find that you still have all of the most important knowledge, John D. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ Proud member of the LH (Yorick?)<br />Captain of Bouncers, Boogre Bar<br /><br />\"I\'ve had it up to here, listening to a small segment of people try to put down America! America\'s the greatest land on Earth, and we oughta be proud of what we have! I\'m proud of America, I\'m proud of our people, and I\'m gonna prove it. We\'re American and DAMN proud of it! Frankly I\'m getting a little ticked off...go ta ****\"... Dink (if anyone knows who originally said this, please let me know!)

03-07-2002, 04:15 AM	#4
Liliara Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: August 17, 2001 Location: Florida Posts: 874	Ouch! Just realized that I have to fix my sig! __________________ Proud member of the LH (Yorick?)<br />Captain of Bouncers, Boogre Bar<br /><br />\"I\'ve had it up to here, listening to a small segment of people try to put down America! America\'s the greatest land on Earth, and we oughta be proud of what we have! I\'m proud of America, I\'m proud of our people, and I\'m gonna prove it. We\'re American and DAMN proud of it! Frankly I\'m getting a little ticked off...go ta ****\"... Dink (if anyone knows who originally said this, please let me know!)

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