02-02-2002, 10:41 AM | #1 |
Unicorn
Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
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Golf Caddy Quotes
Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long." Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth." Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before! Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir." Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to." Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!" Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!" Golfer: "This golf is a funny game." Caddy: "It's not supposed to be." Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old." Caddy: "It's a long time since we started, sir." Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" Caddy: "Eventually." Golfer (screaming): "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!" Caddy: "I doubt it. That would be too much of a coincidence!"
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02-02-2002, 11:07 AM | #2 |
Takhisis Follower
Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Mandurah, West Australia
Age: 61
Posts: 5,073
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And Arsenal score - Goaaaaaaaaaal - whoops, wrong game .
I love the "eventually sir about the 5 iron" one - I must remember to use that. I have a few that I have collected from Scottish caddies on my 3 trips to the great links. Caddie to bad tempered American at Troon (just reporting facts - no slur intended) on next fairway to us : "Hold on Sir, don't hit yet. You have a bit of shite on the end of yer club........No Sir, wrong end!!!" Caddie walked off and didn't care about a temper tantrum, or his tip. Caddie at Prestwick after I had smashed a huge drive : "Ooh Sir - a BLONDIE" Me : "What did you say - a BLONDIE - what's that?" Caddie : "A fair crack up the middle sir " One of my group played the first hole of Turnberry very poorly - he had about 8 before he landed one on a house that is well off target. Tour Leader to caddie : "He's just having a nervous start - don't worry, this guy had 38 points on the Old Course yesterday". Caddie : "Oh aye, and who was playin for him them?" Caddie at 2nd hole at St Andrews : "OK sir, this is the 2nd hole , and the first of the double greens. Your flagstick is the one o the right - the yellow one. I want you to play to the right hand side of that flagstick - don't worry about that gorse over there, you'll never reach it - just DO NOT GO LEFT" Of course this guy hits a huge pull left, so badly he nearly brains people that are putting out at the left flagstick - we are talking 100 metres left. Caddie lets out a sigh, knowing that he is in for a long day. Caddie : "Well here's your putter Sir. Yer on the dance floor, but ye'll no be hearin the band from o'er there".
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02-02-2002, 11:15 AM | #3 |
White Dragon
Join Date: October 19, 2001
Location: York, UK.
Age: 41
Posts: 1,815
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LOL!!! All extremely funny!
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[img]\"http://img1.ranchoweb.com/images/sproutman/certwist.gif\" alt=\" - \" /><br /><br /><i>\"And the angels all pallid and wan,<br />Uprising, unveiling, affirm,<br />That the play is the tragedy, man,<br />And its hero the Conquerer Worm.\"</i><br /> - Edgar Allan Poe |
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