|
|
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
09-16-2004, 11:13 PM | #1 |
Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Midlands, South Carolina
Age: 48
Posts: 14,759
|
NOAH AND HIS ARK IN 2004
It is the year 2004, and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft." Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. Just then a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has".
__________________
|
09-17-2004, 01:23 AM | #2 |
Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: October 26, 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Age: 43
Posts: 4,415
|
LOL that was a good one Larry!
__________________
|
09-17-2004, 06:01 AM | #3 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
umm..long but very very much worth it, awesome one!
|
09-17-2004, 08:07 AM | #4 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: August 24, 2002
Location: Aussie now in the US of A!
Age: 37
Posts: 5,403
|
Hahaha, that was a long but great read, keep them coming.
|
09-17-2004, 10:02 AM | #5 | |
40th Level Warrior
Join Date: July 11, 2002
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 11,916
|
Good one! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
Five or Six years? Try fifteen or sixteen. Nitpick: Quote:
|
|
09-17-2004, 10:25 AM | #6 |
Fzoul Chembryl
Join Date: July 11, 2002
Location: Limbo
Age: 44
Posts: 1,720
|
i liked that one larry, i will have to tell nathan to check it out
__________________
*peek-a-boo* |
09-17-2004, 10:35 AM | #7 |
Horus - Egyptian Sky God
|
Heheh, good one! [img]smile.gif[/img] Very funny, yet it also seems so true!
|
09-17-2004, 10:53 AM | #8 |
40th Level Warrior
Join Date: March 24, 2002
Posts: 10,215
|
That's nice. Took from email I see.
|
09-17-2004, 12:13 PM | #9 | |
Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Midlands, South Carolina
Age: 48
Posts: 14,759
|
Quote:
__________________
|
|
09-17-2004, 07:51 PM | #10 |
Join Date: October 19, 2001
Location: New York
Age: 37
Posts: 4,666
|
Lol, very funny Larry. SO true to.
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Wellard wanted me to send him this build, but I thought I'd share it with all of you. | StigTC | NWN Mod: Escape from Undermountain | 11 | 08-16-2006 12:53 AM |
A quick pic I wanted to share with you all... | Larry_OHF | General Discussion | 10 | 05-08-2006 06:51 AM |
Govt. funded sex-ed forbids teaching condom use. Science or religious politics? | Chewbacca | General Discussion | 18 | 08-05-2003 11:51 PM |
Some Humor! I only have one joke so add yours :-) | Ronn_Bman | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 0 | 11-03-2001 09:56 PM |
I wanted to share this with you | Silver Cheetah | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 9 | 09-18-2001 04:56 PM |