A hodge-podge RPG (experimental)

[/)eathKiller]

"SOME... one... MUST... have a... DI... LITHIUM... BAT... ERY!"

"What do lightsabers run on?" Wolverine asked.

And slowly everyone turned toward luke who was happily playing around with his Pikachu Lightsaber like a young child in a candy store.

"huh?" he finally said after realizing his attention...

"Oh no... NUH-UH! NOT MY NEW PEARLY PINK PIKA-PIKA SABER!"

***********************

"Thundershock!" The engien whirred, sputtered, and quickly died.

"Well what DOES this engien run off of?" Stewart asked. "Number one?"

No one seemed to answer. "Oh right... Frakes was hired by Fox... well that job won't last him TOO long..."

Suddenly a high-pitched voice among the crowd spoke up.

"I've got the answer!"

A holy light spread the crowd apart and the sillouete of a tall-looking individual standing at the other end of the hover craft started to walk toward everyone and out of the darkness. As he grew closer, he seemed to get shorter and shorter, and once he was in the light he was finally exposed to be...

"*ghasp* THE PILLSBURY DOH BOY!!!!"

"AEEEIIIIEEEIIIEEIIIEE" the little white cheff did a forward flip in sounding like Xena and he landed infront of the gas cap, he ripped out the crystal with a pikachu tail and handed it to Luke who hugged it. He then poked his head inside and turned around. "What it needs is home-baked goodness! HOO HOO! - HOO HOO! - HOO HOO! Ok quit poking me!"

"sorry i couldn't help myself" Jen apologized.

"GO TO IT DOH BOY!" Death said saluting

"YOU CAN DOH IT!" Neo said saluting as well.

"GOD SPEED!" Shatner said doing a vulcan sign of peace... "OOPS" he then corrected his gesture with a salute.

"HOO HOO!" The doh boy leapt into the fuel tank just as the sun started to rise from hillside...

"well how about that... it is tomorrow and we did get fuel... amazin!" Death chucled.

Everyone started to cheer as the Nebekeneezers engiens fired and lifted the large group of people off of the ground.

"ALRIGT FOLKS! LET'S GO GET THE ONE RING!" Neo sounded

Standing back to back the two captains of the enterprise pointed their fingers forward and shouted "ENGAGE!"

[K T Ong]

In response to the commands given by the two captains, the Nebekeneezer promptly tore itself into two equal halves which flew off in opposite directions at warp speed, leaving a large hole each in two opposite walls of Frodo's house. At the same time, Gandalf, Frodo, Luke and /)eathkiller tumbled off the vehicle and crashed onto the ground inside the house. Outside, everyone in the (now finishing) party was shocked as they saw two blurred shapes fly out of Frodo's residence.

"Oooh..." groaned Gandalf in pain as he climbed up. "Damn it, I forgot to fasten the seat belt!"

"Same here," sighed /)eathkiller.

"W-What do we do now?" asked Frodo after a while. "And look at what they did to my house!"

"Don't get too upset, Frodo," consoled Gandalf, "the house can be fixed easily. As for the One Ring..."

"I can get my friend Han Solo to drive us to my mom," said Luke, "or we can wait for those other bozos to come back later. Either option is fine with me."

"By the way," asked Frodo, "why did we have to go search for the One Ring? Haven't we got it already? (Shows his ring.) Or do you mean to say this actually isn't the One Ring?"

"It is the One Ring," explained /)eathkiller, "but we didn't want that stupid Chinese bitch to have it, so I tricked her into thinking that we still haven't got it yet and are on our way to get it. All the other fellas understood me and acted accordingly to make her think I spoke the truth."

"Oh, I see..." muttered Frodo.

"You Hobbits need to be a bit more flexible in your thinking and not so straight-minded," said /)eathkiller. "And now -- what do you suggest we do, fellas?"

********************************

The party was finally over and a group of Hobbits was tidying up the whole place. Barracus was walking about, occasionally reaching inside his pants and scratching his privates while constantly keeping an eye open for Barney the Evil Dinosaur. Then without warning a shimmering light appeared under a tree in the distance. Barracus braced himself in anticipation in case it was the Dinosaur.

Instead, three ladies appeared under the tree, two of them dressed in traditional Asian garb and one in a green swimsuit which left her butt and thighs all bare and shining.

"Are you sure this is the place?" asked Cammy.

"Positive," replied Shu-Lien. "The stench leads unmistakably here. I know that bitch who stole the Green Destiny -- she never changes her undies."

"But...But how could you tell the difference?" asked Cammy. "I mean, the fact is that I never change my undies either."

"You're Caucasian and she's Chinese," explained Shu-Lien. "Of course you two don't smell the same. You smell like cheese, she like bean curd in heavy soya sauce."

"Wow, you sure have a sharp nose, Shu-Lien," praised Chun-Li in admiration. "Wish I could have a sense of smell half as sharp -- then I'd be able to tell straight away if Ryu's been with another gal!"

[ 07-22-2002, 11:12 PM: Message edited by: K T Ong ]

[droidma]

[img]graemlins/jamesbond.gif[/img] suddenly James Bond bustsinto the room with a berta
pointed at Jar Jar.Jar Jar asks "who are you?"
He replies saying "Bond,james Bond."
Then Jar Jar asks "what are you doing here"
"I got orders to escort a....."
He pulls a peice of paper out of his pocket and fineshes
saying"Bilbo to my headquaters."

[ 09-03-2002, 11:37 AM: Message edited by: droidma ]

[K T Ong]

"Uhhh... Now wait a minute," said /)eathkiller. "You say you're James Bond, alias 007?"

The tall and handsome agent quickly raised a finger to his mouth. "Shhhh, not so loud!" he said. "Well, then again, actually, the whole Universe knows that already..."

"How are we to know you really are James Bond?" asked Gandalf.

"What, you don't believe me? Okay, let me show you. Watch me!"

James walked casually in front of the party, then suddenly turned and pointed his gun towards them. A great transparent curtain of red slowly draped down between him and the party like blood oozing down some invisible surface.

"Hey, you are the Magnificent James Bond indeed!" exclaimed Frodo happily. "I remember seeing this at the beginning of every Bond movie!" Frodo quickly took out an autograph book and ran to James. "Please, can I have your autograph?"

"I will give you my autograph, but on one condition. You must hand Bilbo Baggins over to me first."

"Why do you need to capture my friend Bilbo?" asked Frodo with a puzzled look on his face.

"I'm on Her Majesty the Queen's Secret Service. Bilbo is suspected of having pilfered Her Majesty's diamond-studded platinum panties, worth ten million Sterling Pounds!"

********************************

"No mistake, the smell leads here!" affirmed Shu-Lien as she entered Frodo's house through one of the two holes left behind by the Nebekeneezer, with Chun-Li and Cammy following behind. At that moment her eyes met James'...

"Well, hello, Michelle!" cried James, a wide grin on his face. "Long time no see. How are you?"

"I'm great! How about you?" asked Shu-Lien happily.

(ooc: To droidma, in case you don't know ~ Michelle Yeoh acted as the character Shu-Lien in the film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. She also acted as one of the gals in the James Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies. )

[ 07-28-2002, 02:20 AM: Message edited by: K T Ong ]

[droidma]

"I'm doing okay,I was just about to bring Bilbo to the queen because he's a suspect." Then he grabbed Bilbo and said"c'mon,your coming with me"

[K T Ong]

Before anyone could say or do anything, Bond the agent had already disappeared with Bilbo -- and reappeared with him in front of an old woman sitting on a throne.

"Here's the suspect, Your Majesty," said Bond as he pushed Bilbo towards the Queen. The old lady grabbed the Hobbit by the collar. "Thief!" barked the Queen. "Where are my diamond-studded platinum panties? Return them to me right now, or face the consequences!"

"Madam," pleaded Bilbo, "I'm sure there must be some serious misunderstanding here... I-I mean, I never ever stole anyone's panties -- honest..."

"Don't pretend, fool," warned the agent as he took out a large photo from under his coat and showed it to Bilbo. "Here, tell me how you're going to deny this!" Bilbo gasped in disbelief -- the photo clearly showed him grinning away lewdly and taking out a glittering pair of panties from a drawer inside a lavishly furnished room with all the unmistakable trappings of British royalty...

"T-This can't be!" defended the Hobbit, eyes wide open. "Look, someone must have fiddled with this photo by using Paint Shop Pro, or Kai's Power Goo, or whatever! Please, I beg of you that you investigate this matter further!"

The Queen was by now so furious her face had the color of a beetroot. Without further ado she grabbed Bilbo towards her, pulled down his trousers, placed him on her lap and began to spank him real hard. "With such clear evidence (whack), you still deny (whack) that you stole (whack) my panties!! Now you shall receive the (whack) punishment you deserve!!"

Bilbo wailed loudly until a puddle of tears formed below the throne, kicking and struggling all the while. "WAAAAAAAHH!! It's not fair, I didn't do it!! WAAAAAAAHH!!"

********************************

Frodo and the others were still recovering from the shock -- not to mention surprised at the sudden appearance of the three women (Shu-Lien, Chun-Li and Cammy) -- when the whole bunch who had been on the Nebekeneezer earlier all came back inside the house -- Mulder and Scully, Stewart and Shatner, Neo, Jen, Ghee Ghee... And they were all covered in stinking filth from head to toe...

"Oh, you fellas are back!" said Luke. "Hey, why are you all in such a mess?"

"We lost control of the Nebekeneezer and it plunged into a sewage treatment plant recently constructed by the orcs," sighed Neo. "They got real angry with us and chased us out, and refused to let us retrieve the wreckage..."

"Boy, you folks are a real pong," complained Gandalf, fanning his nose. "I've heard before of how awfully orc shit stinks, yet only today have I come to know the truth behind the legends..."

"Look, friends," said Frodo, "why don't you all take a shower? My shower room is real big -- it can easily accommodate all of you at once. Just take off your clothes first and you can all go in --"

Just then Shu-Lien caught sight of Jen -- all filthy but still recognisable and with the Green Destiny in her hand. "Ah, ha!" cried Shu-Lien, pointing a straight finger at Jen. "So you're the one who stole the Green Destiny!"

[ 08-07-2002, 08:09 AM: Message edited by: K T Ong ]

[K T Ong]

ooc ~ Uhhhh... Any follow-ups?