BECAUSE WE ARE MEN

[burnzey boi]

I found this quite funny in a way.. It's pretty long so just skip and post something random if you have a short attention span. It's a bit unfortunate for me because i have to write it from a book..

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a chauvinist pig; if you stay at home and do the housework, you're a pansey.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her and the kids; if you don't work hard enough, you're a good for nothing layabout.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, that is exploitation; if we have a boring repetitive job with low pay, we should get off our butts and find something else.
If a man gets a promotion ahead of her, that is favourtism; if she gets a promotion ahead of a man thats equal opportunity.
If we mention how nice she looks, thats sexual harrasment; if we keep quiet, that is typical male indifference.
If we cry, we're a shiela; if we don't we're an insensitive bastard.
If a man thumps her, that is wife bashing; if she thumps him that's self defence.
If he makes a decision without consolting her, he's a chuvinist; if she makes a decision without any regard to his feelings, then shes a liberated woman.
If he asks her to do something and she doesn't enjoy, that's domination; if she asks him, it's a favour.
If we appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, we're sexual perverts; if we don't notice. we're poofters.
If we like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, that is sexist; if we don't care that is unromantic.
If we try to keep ourselves in shape, that is vanity; if we don't we're slobs.
If we buy her flowers, we're after something; if we don't we're fogetful.
If we are proud of our achievments, we're up ourselves; if we arn't, we're not ambitios.
If we ask for a cuddle, we never thing of anything else besides sex; if we're totaly wrecked after a days workd, we never give a stuff about other peoples needs. If she has a headache, it's because she's tired; if he has a headache, it's because he doesn't love her anymore.
If we want it too often, we're over sexed; if we can't peform on cue, there must be somebody else.

[burnzey boi]

100 REASONS WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY
>1. Phone conversations end in 30 seconds flat
>2. Movie nudity is virtualy always female.
>3. You know stuff about tanks
>4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase
>5. Monday night football
>6. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter
>7. You can open all jars
>8. Old friends don't give a crap weather you've lost or gained weight.
>9. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind
>10. When clicking through channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
>11. Your ass is never a factor in job interveiws.
>12. A beer gut doesnt make you invisible to the opposite sex.
>13. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you ( unless you smash em into the boards)
>14. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff everywhere you go.
15.You understand why stripes is funny
>16. You can go to the bathroom without a support group
>17. Your last name stays put
>18. You can leave the hotel beds unmade
>19, When your work is criticised, you dont have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
>20. You can kill your own food.
>21. The garage is all yours.
>22. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
>23. You see the humour in Terms OF Endearment
>24. You never have to clean the toilet
>25. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
>26. Wedding plans take care of themselves
>27. If somebody forgets to invite you to a party he or she can still be your friend
>28. Your underwear is $10 for a 3 pack.
>29. The Nationnal Cheerleader Championships.
>30. You dont have to shave below your neck
>31. None of the co-workers has the power to make you cry
>32. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices
>33. You can write your name in the snow
>34. You can get into non-trival pissing contests
>35. Everything on your face stays it's original colour
>36. Chocolate is just another snack
>37. You can be president (in this life time)
>38. You can drive more longer without toilet breaks
>39. Flowers fix everything
>40. You never have to worry about other peoples feelings
>41. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
>42. You can wear a white shirt in a water park.
>43. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough
>44. Micheal Bolten doesn't live in your universe
>45. You can whip off your shirt on a hot day
>46. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by
>47. Car mechanics tell you the truth
>48. You don't have to give a flying F*** if somebody notices your new haircut
>49. You can quietly watch a game of footy with your mate for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me"
>50. The world is your urinal
>51. You never misconstrue innocous statements to your lover's about you.
>52. You get to jump up and slap stuff
>53. Hot wax never comes by your pubic area
>54. One mood, all the time!
>55. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him
>56. You never have to drive to another petrol station because this one looks too skeevy
>57. (jonny's favourite i bet) [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] You know 20 ways to open a beer bottle
>58. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing
>59. Same work, more pay!
>60. Gray hairs and wrinkles only add character
>61. You dont have to leave the room make an emergency crotch agustment.
>62. Wedding dress $2000, tuxedo rental, $75.
>63. You don't care if somebody is talking behind your back
>64. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, well at least in theory.
>65. You don't mooch off other's deserts
>66. If you retain water, its in a water bottle
>67. The remote contoller is yours, and yours alone
>68. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them
>69. Afl and all SportsCenter's
>70. You can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift
>71. Bachelor parties are way better than bridal showers.
>72. You have a normal healthy relationship with your mum.
>73. You don't need to pretend your freshening up when you go to the bathroom
>74. If you don't call your mate when you say you will you wont tell others that hes changed
>75. If another guy comes along in the same outfit, you may become lifelong mates
>76. Princess diannas death was just another obituary
>77. The occasional well rendered belch is practicly expected.
>78. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny
>79. If something doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room [img]smile.gif[/img]
>80. New shoes don't blister, cut and mangle your feet
>81. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and annaverseries
>82. Your mates can be trusted to never trap you with: "So.. Notice anything different?
>83. Baywatch
>84. There is allways a game, somewhere.
>85. You can basicly do anything you want without getting picked on.
>86. If you do get made fun of, both arms of yours are good for something.

Erm.. well i cant quite make it 100.

[ 11-27-2005, 12:31 AM: Message edited by: burnzey boi ]

[robertthebard]

In regard to #16: Women always go to the restroom in groups so that they can call the mothership for instructions...

[dizzy]

hehe good stuff

[Sir Degrader]

Yeah, but to be 100% male you need a straight razor, and actually use it. I mean, what's more manly than slipping your hand and slicing off your nose, only to cover it up with TP and aftershave? Not much, I can assure you.

[Vaskez]

hehe pretty true burnzey

soon we're gonna see men's rights groups instead of women's rights groups

[Melcheor]

Originally posted by burnzey boi: If we cry, we're a shiela; if we don't we're an insensitive bastard.

I've seen these before, but without aussie translation... [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Illumina Drathiran'ar]

Originally posted by robertthebard: In regard to #16: Women always go to the restroom in groups so that they can call the mothership for instructions...

Nah, we're just talking about you behind your backs.

Mm.. I've begun to enjoy lists like these. They make my own work much easier... though I'm not sure how to site "List circulating on internet found on gaming forum website" in a psychology paper.

[ 11-26-2005, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: Illumina Drathiran'ar ]

[burnzey boi]

Ok i'm adding more from 20 - 100.

[burnzey boi]

ok there isn't 100 things.. but im sure people could come up with 17 more