Post-Grammy Awards

[Timber Loftis]

From MSN:

Rob Lowe and Snow White ... All Is Forgiven: Nothing could be more saccharine sweet than the children who were trotted out during Ashanti's performance of "Dream" in a cringe-worthy ploy to tug at our heartstrings. Hey, if we want to see children dressed as tiny M.D.'s, we'll watch Doogie Howser reruns.

Coolest Rock and Roll Parents: Bruce Springsteen and still-hot Jersey girl Patty Scialfa showed the young 'uns how it's done with their rousing performance of "The Rising."

Kids Most Likely Looking into Witness Protection: Dustin Hoffman's offspring, whom he claimed taught him the "raise the roof" maneuver he attempted on stage. That gesture was almost as embarrassing as the actor's mangling of "Bruce Springstreet's" name. Almost.

Most Surprisingly Humble Winner: Eminem nixed an acceptance speech for his Best Rap Album win and instead named the M.C.s who inspired him, including Tupac Shakur, Notorious B.I.G., Run DMC, Dr. Dre, and the Beastie Boys. Since this is the same guy who last year threatened Moby by saying, "I will hit a man with glasses," we can only assume he's growing as a person. (And for those wondering about Em's "Free Yayo" T-shirt, it's a reference to Tony Yayo from 50 Cent's G-Unit, who is in jail on gun charges.)

Least Effective Anti-War Statement, Part 1: During Sheryl Crow's duet with Kid Rock, her poofy hair partially covered the "No" in the "No War" sentiment stenciled on her guitar strap, sending both an "O War" and simple "War" message to the masses.

Least Effective Anti-War Statement, Part 2: Fred Durst's monotone and grammatically challenged speech against the proposed military action in Iraq. Yes, he did actually use the word "agreeance," as in, "I don't know about you but I just really hope we are in agreeance that this war should go away as soon as possible."

Most in Danger of Becoming a Mae West-Style Cliché: Kim Cattrall, who followed up her "You have no idea how many men I've had to sleep with to get this award" Golden Globe acceptance speech with her equally ribald presentation with P. Diddy, in which she cooed how she thrilled she was to present an award "that's so close and dear to my heart --Best Male Performance."

Insert Joke Here: Rod Stewart, Harvey Fierstein in drag, and a cute little dog walk into a bar ... Actually, they walked onstage to present an award to Robin Williams. And no,Rod, it wasn't too campy, even with the "puppy smooching." Speaking of Williams ...

Prize Better Suited for the Pre-Show: Robin Williams' award for Best Spoken Comedy Album was deemed primetime-worthy while wins by Bruce Springsteen, Ashanti, Coldplay and Mary J. Blige, among many others, were relegated to the untelevised pre-show. Also, the next time the hyperactive Williams spouts his over-used "Trent Lott, white courtesy phone" phrase, we're breaking out the tranquilizer gun. It's called new material: try it.

Best Acceptance Speech: Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman won Best Musical Show Album for Hairspray, prompting this audience-slaying line from Shaiman: "For everyone out there who thinks Broadway is just for Jews and gays, 'Oy gevalt! My lover and I just won a Grammy!'"

Most Obvious Johnson & Johnson Diss: Nelly arrived without his trademark Band-Aid on his cheek, but he did don a deliciously dapper suit.

Most Obvious Homage to Nelly: Wayne Coyne, lead singer of the Flaming Lips, wore a colorful Band-Aid on his cheek as an anti-war statement.

[harleyquinn]

TL, I didn't see the grammys (only thing I'm sorry I missed was Simon & Garfunkle), but I love your recap!! Great stuff [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

[Attalus]

I avoid the Grammies. They would have interfered with my dinner digestion.

[khazadman]

Simon and Garfunkle and Springsteen were the only acts I saw.

[antryg]

I saw them all officer. I'm willing to testify that they murdered that Clash song.

[LordKathen]

S+G were great!! [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img]