D.C.

Ladyzekke · 07-22-2005, 06:26 PM

I received this as a forward in an e-mail from MystiCelt. We both live in the D.C. area, and I just had to share the mail because it is so true! The more and more I read it, the more I laughed because it nailed how it is around here LOL. [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Subject: D.C.

First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or "the District". Only tourists call it "Washington."

Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it's already obsolete.

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in D.C. It's just another chase, usually on the BW PARKWAY.

All directions start with "The Beltway"...which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an "inner" and 'outer loop' designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE outside the Beltway.

The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.

If there is a ball game at the Redskins stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County. Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro or Fort Washington. They'll blow a vessel in their neck and go into a seizure.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended and shot at.

If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 picture you will receive courtesy of DMV. (However, if you don't go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages, none of them English.)

Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers.

Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper and milk.

Don't forget that if your destination is only a mile away, it will take at least 30 minutes to get there due to traffic congestion, the idiot in the BMW SUV who thinks he has to conduct a conference call to negotiate world peace while swerving all over the road, the scores of newcomers who decide to cross the road when there's a mass of cars coming at them going 80 mph thus causing everyone to slam on their brakes which leads to...an accident...and the sadistic? people who have to stare at the fender bender.

Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate" but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opening in the 60's, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section which is even more confusing.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Takoma Park."

If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist.

Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the warning.

All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World.

Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don't ask why, no one knows.

If you stop to ask directions in Southeast...well, just don't...unless you're asking directions to the nearest drug dealer or looking to buy guns.

A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you $16.75 (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand).
Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/295/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more comforting then seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!!

The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect points as you go.

The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the "slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.

The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat" lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All mini-vans and SUVs have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.

If it's 10 degrees F, it's Orioles' opening day. If it's 110 degrees F, it's the Skins opening day.

If the humidity is 90+F and the temperature is 90+F, then it's May, June, July, August, September, and sometimes October.

Always remember this little rule on the Subway Metro: Stand right, walk left. People WILL knock you down the Metro escalator and shout nasty things again, in every dialect known to man EXCEPT English -- if you do not follow this little rule. DC'ers are busy, important people who don't have time to stand behind the 40 kids in Boy Scout Troup 325 visiting from Nowhere, Nebraska. And we'll tell you that too!

A handy-dandy tip when bar-hopping: Unless you're on a first-name basis with the President, Condy Rice, certain Senators or Representatives, or Donald Rumsfield...you get the idea...no one cares about you or your life story. Again, DC'ers are busy, important people who only want to talk to other busy, important people. We are not friendly folks looking to meet new like minded people; we only want to know what you can do for us...otherwise, get out of the way and stop boring us.

You eventually grow to appreciate the looney people who leave strange boxes, usually full of refrigerators or fans, near buildings, or the idiot pilots who can't see the BIG WHITE HOUSE that every 3rd grader in the nation could identify by sight. You'll appreciate the pilot in a no fly zone because it means that you'll get a day off due to your place of work being evacuated. And it won't count as vacation!!

[ 07-22-2005, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ]

RoSs_bg2_rox · 07-22-2005, 06:33 PM

Well...the US roads sure do sound fun!

Ladyzekke · 07-22-2005, 06:37 PM

It's an adventure every day Ross, but for me not a fun one LOL.

Duagloth Duskryn · 07-22-2005, 06:39 PM

Hehe, good to know, when I`m there next automn

aleph_null1 · 07-22-2005, 06:55 PM

Quote:

If you stop to ask directions in Southeast...well, just don't...unless you're asking directions to the nearest drug dealer or looking to buy guns.

Hey, I'm living in Anacostia! It's... uuummmm... charming [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

Quote:

Always remember this little rule on the Subway Metro: Stand right, walk left. People WILL knock you down the Metro escalator and shout nasty things again, in every dialect known to man EXCEPT English -- if you do not follow this little rule. DC'ers are busy, important people who don't have time to stand behind the 40 kids in Boy Scout Troup 325 visiting from Nowhere, Nebraska. And we'll tell you that too!

LOL! I saw this yesterday, except they were Girl Scouts -- I thought these two fat women at the Dupont Circle stop were seriously going to squish the little things trying to get down.

Ladyzekke · 07-22-2005, 06:56 PM

LOL Duagloth, enjoy! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Oh and welcome to IWs btw. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Ladyzekke · 07-22-2005, 07:03 PM

LOL Aleph! Thing is, you know, when I ride the Metro, I kinda go by that stand right, walk left escalator rule, and I expect others to do so as well or I get kinda irritated LOL! Hey if we all go by the rules all runs more efficiently, otherwise it's chaos!!!!

[ 07-22-2005, 07:05 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ]

Duagloth Duskryn · 07-22-2005, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ladyzekke:
LOL Duagloth, enjoy! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Oh and welcome to IWs btw. [img]smile.gif[/img]

thx, nice Forum here

If i`ve problems in DC I`ll call you

Ladyzekke · 07-22-2005, 07:16 PM

LOL just take a cab to wherever you want to go would be my suggestion. You may not understand a word the cabdriver says, but he'll get you to your destination, will cut off people even and drive like ass, just for you!

(LOL I remember one cab driver I had years ago who did that, cut this guy off for no reason I could tell, and then actually pumped his fist and went "YA HAAAA!") [img]graemlins/uhoh1.gif[/img]

[ 07-22-2005, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ]

Duagloth Duskryn · 07-23-2005, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ladyzekke:
LOL just take a cab to wherever you want to go would be my suggestion. You may not understand a word the cabdriver says, but he'll get you to your destination, will cut off people even and drive like ass, just for you!

(LOL I remember one cab driver I had years ago who did that, cut this guy off for no reason I could tell, and then actually pumped his fist and went "YA HAAAA!") [img]graemlins/uhoh1.gif[/img]

sorry, but what`s a cap driver? A taxi driver? Or is a cap driver this cinese guy with the funny weagon?

07-22-2005, 06:26 PM	#1
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 58 Posts: 9,005	I received this as a forward in an e-mail from MystiCelt. We both live in the D.C. area, and I just had to share the mail because it is so true! The more and more I read it, the more I laughed because it nailed how it is around here LOL. [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] Subject: D.C. First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or "the District". Only tourists call it "Washington." Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It's obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County and your map is one day old, it's already obsolete. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in D.C. It's just another chase, usually on the BW PARKWAY. All directions start with "The Beltway"...which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an "inner" and 'outer loop' designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE outside the Beltway. The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound. If there is a ball game at the Redskins stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County. Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro or Fort Washington. They'll blow a vessel in their neck and go into a seizure. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended and shot at. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 picture you will receive courtesy of DMV. (However, if you don't go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages, none of them English.) Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper and milk. Don't forget that if your destination is only a mile away, it will take at least 30 minutes to get there due to traffic congestion, the idiot in the BMW SUV who thinks he has to conduct a conference call to negotiate world peace while swerving all over the road, the scores of newcomers who decide to cross the road when there's a mass of cars coming at them going 80 mph thus causing everyone to slam on their brakes which leads to...an accident...and the sadistic? people who have to stare at the fender bender. Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It's ironic that it's called an "Interstate" but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opening in the 60's, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a "Spur" section which is even more confusing. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Takoma Park." If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the warning. All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World. Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don't ask why, no one knows. If you stop to ask directions in Southeast...well, just don't...unless you're asking directions to the nearest drug dealer or looking to buy guns. A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you $16.75 (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand). Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/295/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more comforting then seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!! The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy. The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect points as you go. The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the "slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also. The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat" lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All mini-vans and SUVs have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in. If it's 10 degrees F, it's Orioles' opening day. If it's 110 degrees F, it's the Skins opening day. If the humidity is 90+F and the temperature is 90+F, then it's May, June, July, August, September, and sometimes October. Always remember this little rule on the Subway Metro: Stand right, walk left. People WILL knock you down the Metro escalator and shout nasty things again, in every dialect known to man EXCEPT English -- if you do not follow this little rule. DC'ers are busy, important people who don't have time to stand behind the 40 kids in Boy Scout Troup 325 visiting from Nowhere, Nebraska. And we'll tell you that too! A handy-dandy tip when bar-hopping: Unless you're on a first-name basis with the President, Condy Rice, certain Senators or Representatives, or Donald Rumsfield...you get the idea...no one cares about you or your life story. Again, DC'ers are busy, important people who only want to talk to other busy, important people. We are not friendly folks looking to meet new like minded people; we only want to know what you can do for us...otherwise, get out of the way and stop boring us. You eventually grow to appreciate the looney people who leave strange boxes, usually full of refrigerators or fans, near buildings, or the idiot pilots who can't see the BIG WHITE HOUSE that every 3rd grader in the nation could identify by sight. You'll appreciate the pilot in a no fly zone because it means that you'll get a day off due to your place of work being evacuated. And it won't count as vacation!! [ 07-22-2005, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ] __________________ Reality Show Recaps

07-22-2005, 06:33 PM	#2
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 36 Posts: 5,225	Well...the US roads sure do sound fun! __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

07-22-2005, 06:37 PM	#3
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 58 Posts: 9,005	It's an adventure every day Ross, but for me not a fun one LOL. __________________ Reality Show Recaps

07-22-2005, 06:39 PM	#4
Duagloth Duskryn Dungeon Master Join Date: July 19, 2005 Location: Switzerland Age: 36 Posts: 65	Hehe, good to know, when I`m there next automn __________________ [img]\"http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/108/mostawesomeanimatedgifever2nd9.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

07-22-2005, 06:56 PM	#6
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 58 Posts: 9,005	LOL Duagloth, enjoy! [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] Oh and welcome to IWs btw. [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ Reality Show Recaps

07-22-2005, 07:03 PM	#7
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 58 Posts: 9,005	LOL Aleph! Thing is, you know, when I ride the Metro, I kinda go by that stand right, walk left escalator rule, and I expect others to do so as well or I get kinda irritated LOL! Hey if we all go by the rules all runs more efficiently, otherwise it's chaos!!!! [ 07-22-2005, 07:05 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ] __________________ Reality Show Recaps

07-22-2005, 07:16 PM	#9
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 58 Posts: 9,005	LOL just take a cab to wherever you want to go would be my suggestion. You may not understand a word the cabdriver says, but he'll get you to your destination, will cut off people even and drive like ass, just for you! (LOL I remember one cab driver I had years ago who did that, cut this guy off for no reason I could tell, and then actually pumped his fist and went "YA HAAAA!") [img]graemlins/uhoh1.gif[/img] [ 07-22-2005, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: ladyzekke ] __________________ Reality Show Recaps

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