Joke Zone

[Barb]

Post you're jokes here


THE BOYS

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

[Mouse]

Not so much a joke - more a funny...............also rated PG YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

The following are all replies that women have put on the Child Support
Agency forms in the section for listing father's details:-

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was
being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can
provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a
BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from Pope
confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look
the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him
can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro
Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember
for sure is Delia Smith (kind of a Martha Sewart in UK)did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given] mine might have remained unfertilised.

[Harkoliar]

quote:

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The following are all replies that women have put on the Child Support
Agency forms in the section for listing father's details:-

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IS THIS TRUE?? WHAHAHA!!.. man some people sure give some funny answers [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Barb]

Visit by the Pastor

There was a priest from a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. During his first year, he decided to visit two of his most remote parishioners to see how they was doing.

The man said that it was getting along, however he couldn't have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day.

With that he asked the priest, "Would you like to have a martini with me?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that would be nice."

The man turned around and hollered towards the kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"

[Barb]

PEARLY GATES

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."

St. Peter consults his list.

He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.

He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."

St Peter consults his list.

He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

[Talthyr Malkaviel]

Hmmmm, this one might be PG too.

Three nuns who had all died on the same day were at the gates to heaven, and they were awaiting judgement.
After a short while an angel appeared, saying 'each of you has to answer one question to be allowed into heaven, are you ready?'
The nuns all nodded, then the angel said to the first nun 'What is the first book in the Old testament?'
The nun replied 'Genesis' and the gates opened and she was allowed into heaven.
Next he asked the second nun 'What is the name where Adam and Eve resided?'
So the nun replied 'the garden of Eden.'
Once again the gates opened wide, admitting her to heaven.
Finally, he turned to the third nun, asking 'what are the first words Adam said to Eve?'
The nun never remembered reading that in the bible, so she was very perplexed, so the nun said in puzzlement 'oooh, now that's a hard one'
And once again the gates swung open......

[Harkoliar]

quote:

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"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

The nun never remembered reading that in the bible, so she was very perplexed, so the nun said in puzzlement 'oooh, now that's a hard one'
And once again the gates swung open......

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thanks for a good laught guys [img]smile.gif[/img] this jokes is way too funny [img]smile.gif[/img] lol!!

[Barb]

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