Rules from Men

[mistral4543]

Got this off an email at work

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are the rules! Please
note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides.Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...

Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.

[Harkoliar]

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

love these ones

[Raistlin Majere]

Originally posted by Harkoliar: quote: 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

love these ones [/QUOTE]1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

these are good aswell...

[The Hierophant]

My God, those are awesome!!! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

I particularly love:

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

*silently worships whoever wrote those*

[InsaneBane]

Couldn't be more precise

[img]graemlins/greenbounce.gif[/img]
Insane

[Raistlin Majere]

Originally posted by InsaneBane: Couldn't be more precise [img]graemlins/greenbounce.gif[/img] Insane

indeed! if women all around the world would learn these by heart, an era of peace would follow!

*ducks for cover*

[GokuZool]

Those are great! [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img]

*hands Raistlin a sofa*

[img]graemlins/hidesbehindsofa.gif[/img]

[ 09-30-2003, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: GokuZool ]

[mistral4543]

Originally posted by Raistlin Majere: indeed! if women all around the world would learn these by heart, an era of peace would follow! *ducks for cover*

You realise, of course, that any such attempts are futile [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Anyway, glad that you enjoyed them... I know I had a good [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] at work

[Raistlin Majere]

Originally posted by GokuZool: Those are great! [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img] *hands Raistlin a sofa* [img]graemlins/hidesbehindsofa.gif[/img]

thanks man, i have a feeling its gonna see alot of use...

[Jorath Calar]

OLD!


but always funny... [img]smile.gif[/img]