From George Carlins...

[Arvon]

George Carlin's Reflections on Life


1. Never raise your hands to you kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but going faster is a maniac?

9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is!

10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too!"

15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

[Lioness]

LOL, Carlins is hilarious.

[Kakero]

LOL, some of them crack me up.

btw, who is George Carlin?

[Arvon]

Originally posted by Kakero: LOL, some of them crack me up. btw, who is George Carlin?

Carlins is a US comic... mostly does stage work though he has been on HBO. Most of his stuff is/was too raunchy for broadcast TV.

[Gangrell]

He must be a funny guy though, great stuff [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

[Bungleau]

Carlin really hit it big back in the... late 70s / early 80s? One of his best-known bits is the seven words you can't say on television.

Definitely not a comedian for one's children...

[/)eathKiller]

Originally posted by Bungleau: Carlin really hit it big back in the... late 70s / early 80s? One of his best-known bits is the seven words you can't say on television. Definitely not a comedian for one's children...

Im still tring to understand why you can't say; Definetly, not, a, comedian, for, one's, or children on TV...