Disfunctional ?

[Elif Godson]

What is your definition of a Disfunctional Family ? I have had it said to me that my family is disfuctional because we are always there for each other !! Does that make much sense to any of you ? My family and I are presently going through the motions of secureing my father's estate, the poor man hasnt even passed on yet and his girl friend/ex-wife is trying to sink her claws into everything he has. Dad has made up a will and cut her in for a third but this obviously wasnt enough for her, there are a lot of particulars in this situation
and I could give a crap about his money and properties, I would just rather have my dad and my children would rather have there Grandfather, but this woman i.e. the Devil as she is affectionatly refered to has all the existing power, because for some godforaken reason my father gave her power of attorney over his medical and personal life. I have hired my own attorney to fight hers and my father had hired one of his own, this should be an episode for Jerry Springer show the way it's coming out. Well anywho, I have traveled off of the topic, this is her definition of my family and I think the core reason why she hates us so much. So tell me what you think.

[Attalus]

Elif, to me a dysfunctional family is one which the traditional roles are not fulfilled, i.e., the father is not affectionate, instructive, and protective, providing for the family; the mother is not affectionate and nurturing, providing and being supportive; and the children are not obedient and grateful. But, nowadays the term is degraded, becoming invective to be hurled if one does not like the family, like the terms 'fascist' and 'racist.'

[Cloudbringer]

Elif, I agree with Attalus for the most part.

I always had the impression that dysfunctional families were ones where things just don't work the way they 'should' such as one parent is missing, or abusive.

Alcoholic or drug addicted parents or kids, one or both parents off doing their own thing, leaving children with no support or worse... kids that get into trouble on purpose for attention they miss at home, or join gangs etc for the 'family' they don't have at home... I think there are a hundred variations on the theme, but that's the general idea. I think you could even stretch it to say if a grandparent interferes it's 'dysfunctional' these days.. mainly because of what Attalus said- certain 'roles' are assumed in a family unit, traditionally.

Doesn't sound like the person who said that to you really gets the idea. A family that supports and HELPS one another is pretty fantastic, in my book.

Sorry to hear about your dad and all that mess! I always hate when families are torn up over material goods when someone dies... it feels so awful to me.
I agree with you- having the loved one is far better than having their belongings.

[Spelca]

Originally posted by Attalus: Elif, to me a dysfunctional family is one which the traditional roles are not fulfilled, i.e., the father is not affectionate, instructive, and protective, providing for the family; the mother is not affectionate and nurturing, providing and being supportive; and the children are not obedient and grateful. But, nowadays the term is degraded, becoming invective to be hurled if one does not like the family, like the terms 'fascist' and 'racist.'

LOL, but in how many families are children obedient?

[Elif Godson]

Well I will be the first to admit, my brother and I were from obedient
But were respective of our parents and there wish's. If dad was starting to raise his voice we knew the fun was over so to speak. I was just contacted by the wench's lawyer, she want's to divie up my father's extensive train collection, he is an avid train hobbiest and was even made Model Hobbiset of the Year, he continually gets awards for his setup's and always finds praise. She is definetly out for money, you say how much can trains be worth, hehe, his collection should net about 125,000.00 $ US and that's a lot He has several antique trains..

Ah geez I am getting exhausted with this crap..... Another phone call

[quietman1920]

I'm sorry for your troubles. Trainsets hit a nerve:

When my father died suddenly and my mother moved to an assisted living facility, it didn't make sense for her to keep the house. She sold it for a good price, and did let us (her children) have many things from the house, but the one thing I wanted for my son was the Lionel set. There was a 736 Berkshire engine, the 'good' coal tender, several boxcars & a caboose. The track was original & the transformer was one of those Great Huge Black ones that can run 4 trains at once.

One of my sisters ran the house sale and it just 'disappeared' ("...all those orange boxes just walked and you didn't see Anything...?"). As this sister is fically irresponsible, I resign myself that they are all probably long sold on E*Bay. I just pisses me off because I'm the only one in the family with boys and I know they would have Loved it...