Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: How do you make a witch stew?
A: Keep her waiting for hours.

Q: How do ghosts begin their letters?
A: "Tomb it may concern..."

Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

Q: What do you call a person who puts rat poison in a person's Corn Flakes?
A: A cereal killer

Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: What is a ghost's favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster.

Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sleeping Beauty?
A: Tired blood.

Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: He was all wound up.

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: How do you know if a ghost is lying?
A: You can see right through him.

Q: How is a werewolf like a computer?
A: They both have megabytes.

Q: Where do vampires live?
A: At the Vampire State Building.

Q: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle.

Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation?
A: Lake Erie.

Q: How can you tell when a window is scared?
A: They get shudders.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.

Q: What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
A: Hello, hello, hello.

Q: What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: What tops off a ghost's sundae?
A: Whipped Scream

Q: What has a black hat, flies on a broomstick, and can't see anything?
A: A witch with her eyes closed.

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he's always a goblin.

Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?
A: He's mist.

Q: What sailor like to be chilled to the bone?
A: A skeleton crew.

Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A: In the casketeria.

Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?
A: Over the ghoul line.

Q: What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A: Toasty ghosty.

Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.

Q: What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
A: A Sand-witch

Q: What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A: A boo-loney sandwich.

Q: What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A: A wash-and-werewolf.

Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Fasten your sheet belt.

Q: Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
A: His ghoul friend.

Q: What is a vampires favourite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
A: Hallowieners.

Q: What do you call serious rocks?
A: Grave stones.

Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
A: By witchful thinking.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q: What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help around the house?
A: Lazybones

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin

More Goulish Humor

The professor was removing organs from the deceased before his students, all the while saying, ". . . and this is the heart, and this is the liver, and this is the kidney, and this is . . ."
"What the heck is the professor doing?" asked a student.
"Shh! He's giving an organ recital."

You heard about the little mouse who looked up, saw a bat, and thought it was his fairy godmother?

Bloodshed - where the Red Cross keeps the plasma

Cemetary - bone zone.

Headline: "Due to strike, grave-digging at cemetary will be done by skeleton crews"

A kid stole a sign from a nursery and stuck it in front of a funeral parlor. It read: "LET US DO YOUR PLANTING FOR YOU."

Undertaker - the last guy to let you down.

my god, they're worse than Arvons :D

That was a very long post!!!

Hey! Arvons are good! :D

Pretty good...

Oh my... these are great! Gonna share these with my roommate :D

I must admit these are the worst jokes i have ever heard!

Proud to bring the worst puns possible for your groaning amusement. :D

A few more:

Q: What is a ghost's favorite candy?
A: Boo-ble gum.

Q: Do zombies like being dead?
A: Of corpse they do!

Q: What does a cool witch ride instead of a motocycle?
A: A brrr-oomstick!

Q: What do you call a monster chasing a train full of people?
A: Hungry!

Q: What do you get when you cross a skeleton with a jar of peanut butter?
A: Extra-crunchy peanut butter.

Q: Why did the witches cancel the baseball game?
A: They couldn't find their bats.

Monster child: Mommy, mommy, I hate my teacher's guts!
Monster mother: Then leave them on the side of your plate.

Did you hear about the unsuccessful vampire hunter?
• He tried to kill a vampire by driving a pork chop through its heart because steaks were too expensive

What did the momma ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
• Buckle your sheet belt

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
• Dayscare centers

Who is the witches favorite singer?
• Robert Ghoulet

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
• Napoleon bone-apart

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
• Bamboo

Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
• Because demons are a ghoul's best friend

O_O lame joke alarm... can't stop sounding! aaah! ears! ... bleeding ears...