Chuck Norris
 

100 things you NEED to know about Chuck Norris...

* Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

* Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

* Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

* Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".


* On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

* Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.


* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

* Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

* Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

* A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.


You know we should have a 'Chuck Norris' day :laugh2:

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Cool, a Chuck Norris thread, here we go.....

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y29...g?t=1191418644

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Oh yeah...forgot this one...

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y29...g?t=1191418922

:D

Re: Chuck Norris
 

* Chuck Norris once lost one of his testicles in a fight with a ninja. You might know it under the more common name of "Jupiter".

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Whoa, Chuck has really been around, hasn't he? :D

Re: Chuck Norris
 

I don't get all this Chuck Norris stuff. He's so old news, does he even make movies anymore?

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Be careful what you say. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer. And on Online Communities such as these, you never know if Chuck is watching. He could be any one of us! :P
Besides, Chuck is never 'old news'. Did you know that CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network"? It was meant to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time. :D

ps.

Check out http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Boy are we keeping up with the interwebs.

I just found this site with a most hilarious collection of parodies of some Budweiser commercial!

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Sorry to piss on the bonfire. :D

<object width="425" height="353"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JLO1YIWQuXE"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JLO1YIWQuXE" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="353"></embed></object>

Re: Chuck Norris
 

That was just acting, Chuck beats the crap out of Bruce any day. Besides, who's dead, and who's still alive and kicking? :D

Re: Chuck Norris
 

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.

If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be inches away from death.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

I heard he hires a stuntman to do the roundhouse kicks.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Because when he does a roundhouse kick it always kill someone.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

"The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. "

Re: Chuck Norris
 

How much wood would Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?

'If'? Chuck Norris can chuck whatever he damn wants.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris in Oblivion: 'nuff said. :D

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5015uTpcg_s"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5015uTpcg_s" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

Check out the guy's YouTube channel if you want to see more.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

* Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the f***k Chuck Norris is.

* Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

* If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's friggen beef!

* Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

* When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

My personal fav...

When it rains out, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet... the rain gets Chuck Norris'd

Re: Chuck Norris
 

oh this one just cracked me up ...

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter


:laugh2:

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris can venture forth without gathering his party.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

:D

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris can change the nature of a man.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

The two best ones ever.

Chuck Norris invented all of the colours of the spectrum. Except for pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

rofl @ this thread. S'funny how the chuck norries jokes are either hilarious or completely wack. The can believe it's not butter one and the venture forth ones are cool :D

Re: Chuck Norris
 

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

rofl :D

Re: Chuck Norris
 

*Chuck Norris once won a game of connect 4 in 3 moves.
*Chuck Norris Once punched a man in the soul.
*Chuck Norris Can defeat bubble hearthing.
*The big bang theory was acctually Chuck Norris fighting Mr.T as a result the 80's happened.
*Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*ck he wants.
*Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis
*Chuck Norris can divide by zero

Re: Chuck Norris
 

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed
the cat.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It
wouldn't take shit from anybody

Re: Chuck Norris
 

True story- A total stranger gave me a free copy of Top Dog(IMDb link) just 3 days ago. This thread has inspired me to watch it immediately.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

:D

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris once shot down a german plane in WWII by pointing his finger at it and saying "BANG"

Re: Chuck Norris
 

^^that one's crap.

S'like half of them are completley crap and the other half are hilarious. Strange.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't cry.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

"Borrowed" from Random Facts About Chuck Norris...

Chuck Norris can satisfy a woman just by looking at her. If he smiles, she can't walk right for a week.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
The only reason the Energizer Bunny keeps going and going is because it knows Chuck Norris is after it.

:D :D :D

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Agree, some are funny, some not, It's hit and miss Which means Chuck Norris did not tell the joke because he does not miss.....

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later they gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only professional football team to ever go undefeated and untied in a season.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris once cried, and his tears flooded the world for 150 days.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

My fav's..
When Chuck Norris was denied an egg McMuffin at Mcdonalds at 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris gave the Mona Lisa her smile.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity- twice...

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris has appointed Mike Huckabee the next President of the U.S.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris can divide by 0.

Re: Chuck Norris
 

Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem -- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

And, my favorite:

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.