Just thought I'd share this with all the guys in IW... ;)

A Guide for Men

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when
dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy! Do something she likes - and you get points. Do something she dislikes - and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the
game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .................................................. ..........+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.................. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.................................-1
You leave the toilet seat up................................................ .-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.......................... 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.................-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.........................-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...................+5
...in the snow.............................................. .................+8
...but return with beer.............................................. ........-5
...and no liners............................................ ................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night................................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing........................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.........................+5
You pummel it with a six iron.............................................. .+10
It's her cat............................................... .................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.........................................0
You leave her side to chat with a College drinking buddy.................... -2
A buddy named Tiffany........................................... .............-4
Tiffany is a dancer............................................ .............-10
With breast implants.......................................... ..............-80

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.......................................... ...........0
You buy a card and flowers........................................... .........0
You take her out to dinner............................................ ....... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar........................+1
Okay, it is a sports bar............................................... ......-2
And it's all-you! -can-eat night.............................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.............................................. .-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal............................................... ..................0
The pal is happily married........................................... ........+1
The pal is single............................................ ................-7
He drives a Ferrari........................................... ..............-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBD).................................-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie............................................. .........+2
You take her to a movie she likes............................................+ 4
You take her to a movie you hate.............................................+ 6
You take her to a movie you like.............................................-2
It's called Death Cop 3................................................. .....-3
...which features Cyborgs that eat humans....................................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......................-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly..........................................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..............+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts............................................ ..........................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...........................-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding........................................ ..........-10
You reply, "Where?".......................................... ...............-35
You reply, "no, I think it's your ass".....................................-100
Any other response.......................................... ................-50

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.................................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes........................................... ...+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience....................+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".............................................. .......-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..............+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep........................-200

:D

<font color=pink>ROFL. It's funny cause it's true! :D [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] </font>

[ 02-27-2003, 12:54 AM: Message edited by: Lady Blue03 ]

LoL, thats really good :D

it sure seems a pretty hard job impressing a woman.

Very funny. ;)

oh my gosh, that was quite funny. :D

LOL, just as we always knew: there is no right answer to this question. :D

absoloutly funny!!!!!!! :D .. now i know how hard it is pleasing a woman.

ROF No, it's not funny - but it's non the less true ;)

LOL, just as we always knew: there is no right answer to this question. :D </font>[/QUOTE]How about: no, it makes me look fat? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Love it! Especially the 'any other response' to the 'Does this make me look fat' question.

Do you women know the panic that is induced in a man's head when you ask questions like that? ;)

Donut - I don't panic anymore! I once answered 'yes' (that's the any-other-option), got my -50p and from there on I've never been bothered with this question anymore! :D (I'm still married ;) )

OK, it took me making the bed 50 times to get even again, but I was done with that in about one forenoon...

[ 02-27-2003, 06:44 AM: Message edited by: Borvik ]

This would make a great addition to sex-ed. After all the biology lessons, hand this out to all the boys.

Try this one:

"In my eyes it makes you look perfect" [img]smile.gif[/img]

Can't argue with ones perception.
It's presenting a positive not a negative.
The implication is that she could be overweight and yet she's still perfect to you.
There's no lie, and no pressure.

+100. ;)

Nah, don't think so Yorick. If you don't hesitate or give them a bad answer (like yes), they wonder why you're so quick to deny it. If you hesitate, they wonder why. If you say yes, well, you're sleeping on the couch [img]tongue.gif[/img]

You could try "I'm glad it does" though, as that's the jealous side of you showing it's face and it may just reduce the penalty to -25. Just a theory... [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

I find that deflection is the best way to deal with those sorts of questions... get em thinking about something else.

"Does this dress make me look fat?"
(walk over and give her a big hug, maybe an ear nibble)
"why don't you take it off so I can compare?"

The key is to make it quite obvious that if you get her dress off you'll be too busy to do ANY comparing. ;)

Usually at this point either she rolls her eyes and calls me oversexed (a minus, but not a big one), or things get interesting (a big plus). But in either event I get away without having to address the question and there's more upside potential than downside. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 02-27-2003, 02:42 PM: Message edited by: Thoran ]

Nah, it would sound as if you've thought of that answer before because you were afraid she'd ask you that. So it would be the same as saying "Yes". [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Edit -- an answer to Legolas and Yorick. :D ("In my eyes it makes you look perfect" answer).

[ 02-27-2003, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: Spelca ]

Or that you're repeating the words of some schmuck on the internet. ;) :D

:rolleyes:

I don't see what's the big deal with that question. If I get asked something like that, I'll tell her the truth, and if she is not happy with my answer, or doubt my honesty. SHE will be sleeping on the couch.

If you can't handle the truth, don't ask.

Actually, the best response is to grab a blanket, throw it around her yelling "you can't wear that out were other guys will see", then close the curtains and take the blanket back off while saying "now let me see that outfit again" while drooling. Most jealous reactions are somewhat flattering. I'll still wear what I want, when I want though.

I'll have to remember this one!! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
When I do that chances are, my wife would say something like "stop fooling around" with a :rolleyes: . But that's what she would expect anyway, so it would earn me ...0p. ;)

The "In my eyes you look perfect" answer doesn't work with me either....

Anytime I tried to give my now-ex-girlfriend a compliment, she either denyed it (if it was a statement of fact, such as, "you look beautiful") or said I'm biased (if it was my opinion). Either that or she suspects me of sucking up...

By the way, does this make me look fat?
<---

How about this dress? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
|
|
V

Nah, you look lovely! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

I always find that the perfect answer to "Does this dress make me look fat?" is one of either:

"No, *you* make you look fat."

or

"No, fat makes you look fat.".

Of course, when I say it "works"...

[quote]Originally posted by Yorick:

Quote:

Try this one: "In my eyes it makes you look perfect" [img]smile.gif[/img] Can't argue with ones perception. It's presenting a positive not a negative. The implication is that she could be overweight and yet she's still perfect to you. There's no lie, and no pressure. +100. ;)

Keeeeeep Dreaming, Yorick. ;) Besides, you need an answer that doesn't set off the BS detector. :D

I'll have to remember this one!! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
When I do that chances are, my wife would say something like "stop fooling around" with a :rolleyes: . But that's what she would expect anyway, so it would earn me ...0p. ;) </font>[/QUOTE]Well, I like this one. It's closer to what my wife would call the f***able answer. ;)