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Old 11-23-2002, 07:29 PM   #1
shadowhound
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
 

Join Date: November 24, 2001
Location: Australia
Age: 31
Posts: 3,281
This is a list of really funny things to do when you have (or want) a crazy character.

Sovereign Glue a metal tankard to victim's breastplate. This has become a favorite, along with the saying "Here's your tankard."

Rub a piece of poison ivy or oak inside the codpiece of the victim. It's incredibly tough to act like billy bad-ass when it appears you have some sort of irritating disease or fungus.

A box located somewhere with a sign attached that says "To have your palm read, insert hand". Upon insertion, victim feels something sloppy run across their hand. Upon removal, their palm is indeed red and only time (about 1 week) will remove it.

Cast magic mouth on the male victim's sword. Upon the drawing of the weapon, the mouth speaks only in insults such as "You hit like a girl", "Why not just wear a dress?", and "Are you still gay?".

Cast "Grease" at the top of the stairs as the victim begins his descent.

Cast hold person on a robe-wearing victim, walk up, lift their robe over their head, and walk away.

Get a party member roaring drunk, sovereign glue an aerial anchor's string to them, throw them off the third story balcony, and anchor them in midair.

Cantrip "pinch" the barmaid's rear as she walks by the fighter.

Sovereign glue someone's inn room door shut during the night.

Write "Property of the Nine Hells" in indelible ink on their armor or weaponry.

Mix Air Spores in with their food. Gas for days...

Cast Darkness in someone's inn room just before daybreak.

Forge an official letter from some government-type (earl, duke, ...etc...) to the victim demanding their presence at their high court at some time some day soon. They will attend only to be turned away. Later, forge another letter from the same person demanding their presence at the next meeting of the court since they didn't attend the last one. They will be turned away again. Finally, forge another letter telling them there is an official warrant out for their arrest due to their refusal to appear at the court. Sit back and watch 'em sweat.

Paint your local elf black. (Can have bad results)

Write "Property of Raistlin Majere. If found, I will find you." on the inside cover of someone's Spellbook.

Take a almost empty bag of flour and place the open end under the door of the victim. Then, jump on the full part. Flour will cover their room and everything will be white.

Cast "Dancing Lights", use the vaguely-human shape, and let the victim encounter an obviously evil servant of the underworld.

Wait for the victim to pass out from grog consumption, take them and their bed to town square and let them sleep it off there.

During the night, lead a local cow up into the victim's second-or-better floor inn room using some sugar or salt. The fun starts when they start trying to get the cow back down, because cows go up stairs, they don't go down.

The night before an meeting with an official or other high "we need something from them" NPC, put powdered milk right under the sheet on the victim's bed. This being medieval times, there is no such thing as air conditioning and the victim will sweat during the night, soaking the powdered milk up into their pores. The milk will sour quite quickly and is very hard to get out (if this joke was played today, it would at least take 1 week of showering about twice a day with _Lava_. How long will it take with oil soap?...)

Slip a "Amulet of Protection from Good" inside someone's back pack and invite them to accompany you to the High Temple of Healing and Justice.

Give the victim a marshmallow. Cast "Enlarge" on it while they are chewing.

Pull the desperado bar trick in a rich bar. For those of you Banderas-challenged, here's how it goes: When in a _large city_, go to the wealthiest bar you can find in the early evening (so everyone has most of their money left). It's usually in the merchant district. Once inside, find the largest table of wealthy-looking nobles and merchants you can find. Approach them with this offer:

"Gentlemen, are any of you wagering men? Oh, good! I would like to make you a wager. I will bet you (amount varies. usually the most they will agree to.) gold/steel/silver/etc... that I can go up to the bartender, stand on the bar, and piss on him, his bar, the floor, the walls, and his tankards and mugs _and_ not only will he not be mad, he'll be happy."

If they bite it, say OK and approach the bartender. Approach him with this offer:

"Barkeep! I have a wager to make. I bet you (1/2 of what the other guys wagered) that I can set this tankard ten feet away on your bar, piss in it and not spill a drop."

If the original amount from the table gentlemen is high enough, the barkeep will gladly accept. Climb up on the bar, put the mug ten feet away, and proceed to pee on everything (except other patrons). When finished, tell the barkeep that you're not as good as you thought, and that you'll go get his money. He'll be happy for he just made free money and he doesn't have to clean it up (the barwench does that). Approach the gentlemen again and collect your money. Then give half of it to the barkeep and walk away. Free money.

Whitewash the victim's mount.

Fill the victim's quiver 1/4 the way up with black concrete. They won't notice, and just wait until they try to draw an arrow.

Purchase a sword hilt that looks _very_ similar to the hilt on the victim's sword. Take the sword from the scabbard, and attach the new hilt to the scabbard so it looks like the sword is still there. When they next draw their sword, they will be posturing with a hilt minus blade. (don't forget to give the sword back)

Randomly start saying "What? I didn't say anything!" to a party member. If the DM goes along enough to play up the fact they think the prankster said something, you have the makings of a neurotic character.

During the evening, purchase the most broken-down nag available and lead it to the inn's stables. Carefully move all equipment (saddle, stirrups, saddle bags,...etc...) to the new (broken-down) horse. Lead the real horse away and put it up in another stable for the night. Make sure you're present in the morning when the munchkin sees that his high-spirited charger has instantly decayed into a candidate for the glue factory.

Forge a letter from the queen or princess saying something to this effect:

"Dear brave warrior, I have heard great tales of your exploits. And when you entered town the other day, I disguised myself and went down to observe you. I find your reputation and appearance extremely 'exciting'. The (King/Prince) is away on business and I would like to invite you to secretly spend the night with me at the keep. If you are interested, come to the keep tomorrow night. To ensure that we are not detected, I have informed my personal guard of what is going on. They are bound to me and will not say anything. When you approach the keep, tell the guards "I am (adventurer's name) I have come from across the lands to show the queen my charmed long staff. Where is her bedroom?" They will resist you. It is part of the plan. You must resist forcefully, it is the only way they will know it is you, for no one can match your might. Be obscene and verbally degrading when you speak about me, it will tell them it is you, for no one has the courage to speak against me. No matter what they say or do, resist. They will then lead you to my room, where you may spend the night with me. I look forward to seeing you again. The (queen/princess)."

Every player (males, anyway) I know of will not pass up the chance to boff the nobility. When they approach the keep, the player will probably get jailed and might get to see the queen later (at his trial).

Spread rumors in town that the victim carries all of his platinum on his butt. Then sit back and watch as everyone takes a pinch.

Spread a rumor in the local mages' guild that the victim's plain old quarterstaff is actually a long-lost artifact of great power. It is so great, it has the power to mask it's natural abilities and hide the evil intent of it's wielder. But be careful!, it holds many powers and to get it away from it's wielder, they must be sneaky. Sit back and watch what lengths mages will go to to take the staff.

Cast "Alarm" on someone's chamber pot.

Enjoy [img]smile.gif[/img]
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Old 11-23-2002, 07:39 PM   #2
SomeGuy
Unicorn
 

Join Date: May 14, 2002
Location: Oklahoma, USA
Age: 26
Posts: 4,238
LOL!!! Gotta try that on my hostile cousin.He's currently trying to kill me in our D&D game.
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Old 11-23-2002, 07:40 PM   #3
purre
Banned
 

Join Date: October 31, 2002
Location: Finland
Age: 33
Posts: 649
Well,that was a funny and long list.How long did it take to write it?
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Old 11-24-2002, 12:16 AM   #4
Cerek the Barbaric
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
 

Join Date: October 29, 2001
Location: North Carolina
Age: 54
Posts: 3,257
Very Funny Stuff, shadowhound.

My personal favorites were the Magic Mouth on the fighter's sword and the rumor about the mage's ordinary staff. [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Personally, I wouldn't fall for the "Sleep with the Queen". If her guards really were "in on it", they would sneak me straight in....especially if my reputation were great enough to capture the attention of the local female nobility.

Now here are some pearls from my PnP days.....

Use the cantrip "Belch" on a rival (or anybody you don't like) during a formal dinner at the keep.

When confronted with a powerful enemy, hold up a bag and say "I have Medusa's head in this bag!" while reaching in with your other hand. This is especially effective if you actually DO have Medusa's head....you won't believe how often it will work.

Another "sack" trick...Cast Continual Light on several copper pieces and keep them in a sack. When confronted with an evil or demonic foe, open the top of the sack {just a little}.....A very bright beam of light will "shoot out". Look at your foe and yell "DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS!!!

Replace the fighters Gauntlets of Ogre Power with Gauntlets of Fumbling.

Use a color cantrip to "paint" a Bullseye on the back of any character wearing Full Plate Armor.

Cast Enlarge on the groin of any male character when they meet the local queen or princess.

Cast Reduce on their groin as they are headed up the stairs with the tavern wench.

Use a Push spell on the paladin when facing a long hallway you suspect is trapped. Let the paladin be your "Detect Traps" spell.


Which leads to my personal favorite.......

Barbarian Magic Missile: In any fight, grab the party's mage and throw him at the nearest monster/foe. Either way, something good is bound to happen.
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Old 11-24-2002, 12:25 AM   #5
shadowhound
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
 

Join Date: November 24, 2001
Location: Australia
Age: 31
Posts: 3,281
Quote:
Originally posted by Cerek the Barbaric:
Cast Enlarge on the groin of any male character when they meet the local queen or princess.

Cast Reduce on their groin as they are headed up the stairs with the tavern wench.

Oh I like, I really must use them
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Old 11-24-2002, 12:30 AM   #6
Angelousss
Red Wizard of Thay
 

Join Date: August 23, 2002
Location: come play with my wings
Age: 34
Posts: 821
Quote:
Originally posted by Cerek the Barbaric:
[QB
Use a color cantrip to "paint" a Bullseye on the back of any character wearing Full Plate Armor.

>[/QB]
or kick me, especially if it's a paladin(people might actually kick a paladin)
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Old 11-24-2002, 12:52 AM   #7
RevRuby
Fzoul Chembryl
 

Join Date: July 11, 2002
Location: Limbo
Age: 37
Posts: 1,720
lol...barbarian magic missile! i never heard of it, but i think my warrior elf will have to try that.
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Old 11-24-2002, 03:19 AM   #8
philip
Galvatron
 

Join Date: June 24, 2002
Location: aa
Posts: 2,101
Quote:
Originally posted by shadowhound:
[QB]
Paint your local elf black. (Can have bad results)
QB]
what about your own halfling? we're playing city of the spiderqueen and we're in the Underdark and found some drow clothes. So i thought it would be nice to wear them and paint our faces black. Don't ask that from an elf [img]smile.gif[/img] So i was the only 1 who did it, made a fire, used the charcoal on my face... 1 TIP: wait till it's cooled down otherwise you have to do with -2 CHA and wounds in your fae
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Old 11-24-2002, 04:54 AM   #9
Indemaijinj
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: June 15, 2002
Location: Denmark
Age: 36
Posts: 1,163
Quote:
Originally posted by Cerek the Barbaric:
Barbarian Magic Missile: In any fight, grab the party's mage and throw him at the nearest monster/foe. Either way, something good is bound to happen.
Heh, I had done that one too. Except with a slight twist. I was the wizard in question: A gnomish sorceress with an obscenely high constitution and combat casting. I would get my boyfriend/mount, a half-orc barbarian to throw me headlong into the fray while I casted Burning Hands. Managed to defeat an owlbear and a hellhound by landing on their backs and pestering them while hitting them repeatedly with my morningstar.

I almost always play mages and for some reason they always end up in the middle of the beefiest meelees.
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Old 11-24-2002, 03:03 PM   #10
Sir Krustin
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: September 15, 2002
Location: Peterborough, ON, CANADA
Age: 54
Posts: 1,394
Quote:
Originally posted by Cerek the Barbaric:
Use a Push spell on the paladin when facing a long hallway you suspect is trapped. Let the paladin be your "Detect Traps" spell.


Which leads to my personal favorite.......

Barbarian Magic Missile: In any fight, grab the party's mage and throw him at the nearest monster/foe. Either way, something good is bound to happen.
Sounds like what we used to call the geiger-thief. Toss the party thief into a room and slam the door. Listen for sounds of screaming.
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