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Old 03-02-2001, 04:21 PM   #1
Raistlin
Manshoon
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Posts: 164
Gabe – Sorry about the delayed response. I had posted a lengthy response but the old board ate it up. Now that the new board is up and I have a few moments I will try and recreate the original.

You mentioned that you have a number of problems going on at the moment. I will give you my advice/thoughts on your situation. Please remember that I Play a Mage and am not a sage. I’ll try and tackle them one at a time but will probably ramble at times.

1. Unemployment can be frustrating. I am in sales and work on a commission basis. There are many times where I feel unemployed even though I have a place to go to work everyday. In my Job I am essentially applying for a job with every new prospective client I meet. If I am unsuccessful then I am not hired and do not earn any money. One thing I have learned is that your attitude towards your employability is your single biggest asset and obstacle at the same time. A keep the following quote on my desk
Attitude

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, than giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home…or an individual. The remarkable thing is that we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have and that is attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitude.”

I can’t stress enough to you how much I believe that. I have found through personal experience that a downtrodden attitude has always pushed me further down. I have found that an upbeat attitude may not always make me rise but at the very least prevents me from sinking further. If you walk in to a potential employer they can smell your attitude like a piece of old cheese, very pungent. It can be a good smell or a bad smell. Your attitude will exude secondary physical responses to your employer. As an example an upbeat attitude will cause a smile and a slight swagger to your walk. People notice these things just like they do what you are wearing. I have seen people who literally knew nothing about the subject and got a job anyway….because they had an attitude. When you walk in…act like you own the place, act like they are so lucky to be interviewing you because you are such a great person. Remember you are also interviewing them to see if you want to work there. Don’t get me wrong, do not act smug or aloof but project powerful image of yourself. If you believe it mentally (or even just tell yourself to) it will be noticeable.
I do not know the area/culture of where you live but unemployment should be no hurdle for you…if you are willing to take a little risk. I know quite a few successful multimillionaires who won their own business. They all recognized a the same things: you will never get rich working for someone else and like all things in life you have to take some risk to get some reward. What does this have to do with you?
Well if you are creative you will look to solve peoples problems for them. People do not buy drills because they want to have a drill, they buy them because they have the problem, they need a hole and have no way to make one. If you are creative you can find a way to employ yourself by solving problems for others. An example is people have blacktop driveways that need to be resealed often. You could probably start a business like that for very little.

2 Girlfriends - Consider yourself lucky! You have found out she is not the one for you. How much worse would it have been if you had been together for years and then found out. You are now free to go and meet one of the other umpty nine million women out there. You no longer have to answer for your actions to her, you can go out and see and do all of those things she never liked. I like to think of it this way, every girl you date teaches you something and leads you closer to the person you were really mean to be with. In sale we have a saying “don’t count the yes’s count the no’s” Each no you experience will bring you closer to a yes.

3 Friends- Friends can be wonderful and at times painful. In high school I was pretty popular and knew and got along with everyone (I was like a multiclass character). I had a lot of people I called friends. After we went off to different colleges in different places I never saw most of them again. I still keep in touch with some of my oldest friends though. You see not only is your life complicated but their lives are taking them to different places as well. Sometimes we wind up taking different paths in life by choice sometimes by force. The key is being adaptable and having a good outlook. Your true friends will pop in and out of your life at different times and you will pick up where you left off, it will be like you never missed a beat. Also remember this about friends, they are potentially everywhere, you can always make more friends (God still has the friend production line running).

4 Father pressure- Speaking from experience as a son and a father there is little to do here except understand. All parents have an innate desire to see their children live better lives than they feel they themselves have lived. The pressure is there because of love, plain and simple.
Do not hide dropping your classes form your dad for long, he will eventually find out and feel worse because of the alienation. Your dad wants to see you are striving for that better life. When you tell him, make sure you also have an alternative game plan. He may feel better if you dropped the classes but have a plan of action on what you are going to do now. You can even make up a temporary goal as long as he thinks you are trying to improve your life he should be okay with it. Feel free to change this temporary goal when you decide on the real game plan. One word of caution, continued changing from one temporary goal to another for an extended period is not a good thing. At some point you need to decide what to do. All of that assumed you were unhappy with you choice of career. If you were satisfied with you choice but just feel overwhelmed you need to find a way to get back into those classes and back on track. You will also need to find some type of stress management (I’ll talk about that later)

5 Mom – The best thing you can do here is continue to show her love and support on a daily basis. Do not forget to actually say the words “I love you”. The second thing you can do is to make sure to do your homework. Use the Internet to do research on your mom’s condition. I speak first hand here again because I know your fears. My credentials are as follows I am 33 wife is 35 we have three kids two boys 5 & 7 and a daughter who is 15. My wife has been feeling worse and worse over the last few years. We have been to many doctors ( maybe 12 different ones last year) and no one knew what was wrong with her. Using the Internet my wife researched her supposed condition. She did not feel it was what she had. Through lots of research she came up with what she thought she had. She was right and the almighty and infallible doctors were wrong! ( We have found out that she has a rare condition of the blood vessels. She lost a kidney last year because of this and her long term outlook is not good. There is a very high mortality rate for her condition and age. If she lives the next 5 years then she may live into her sixties) You see they are human and make mistakes sometimes. Even when they are right you have to consider their time constraints. How many sick people are they seeing daily? Do you think they have time to go and research everything they can about every patient. Our current doctor loves the fact that we bring him information to read about my wife’s condition. He knows he does not know everything ( in my opinion the hallmark of a truly great doctor) and that he can’t afford to do the research on everyone. This may not change the outcome for your mother but it will make you feel good knowing you are doing what you can to make the fight a good one.

6 family money problems – see number one

7. Life plans - “the best laid plans of mice and men often lead astray” Adapt, adapt adapt. I am nowhere near where my 18-year-old plans said I would be. Little changes to the plan here and there have taken me to new places. Your plans will change again I am sure. Do not fear change, it prevents stagnation. If you really want to stay on the path you were on then you must find a way to get back on it. If you really want it you will find a way to make it happen. To do this you may need to make excuses. Not the standard kind we are all so good at. You need to make excuses to yourself about why you have to do something… not why you can’t do it!

Finally you need to find a way to deal with the stress. I personally practice deep breathing exercise with meditation. I set aside 15 minutes a day when i feel overwhelmed to clear my mind of the mental pollution that prevents me from working at my optimum level. Others I know paint, work out or take martial arts classes to relieve stress. Whatever floats your boat is fine as long as you do something. Otherwise it is like swimming with an anchor, it is not entirely impossible but there are much better ways to swim.

BTW I have not proof read this For sentence structure continuity and the like


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Old 03-02-2001, 05:06 PM   #2
Lord of Alcohol
Xanathar Thieves Guild
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Charlotte,NC
Age: 53
Posts: 4,560
Raistlin, I dont know Gabe but I have to say that is one incredible post. Much of what you said seemed like advice to me instead of Gabe. I'll have to say your a mage AND a sage. I think many others will agree and Gabe-I hope Raistlins post helps you. Its actually made me think about something myself. Raistlin I hope your wife is going to be fine and live until 100. This condition she has wouldnt be called HHT would it? A girl I know (well shes not a girl she's 31)has this and is currently on the list for a major tranplant(heart/lungs). I worry every day.
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Old 03-02-2001, 05:10 PM   #3
Raistlin
Manshoon
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Posts: 164
Thanks LOA. I am trying to get out for a few tonight. We just got the genetic testing results today confirming that she has something called EDS (ehlers danlos syndrome) TypeIV.

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Old 03-02-2001, 05:36 PM   #4
Cloudbringer
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,736
Raistlin,

That is a great post. Gabriel, Raistlin's wisdom stat must be in the 20's. Hope it helps you get some perspective on your life just now.


Cloudbringer

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Old 03-02-2001, 05:57 PM   #5
azuth
Guest
 

Posts: n/a
Raistlin thank for you words, I'll try and take your adivce to heart.

Oh this Gabriel (If you couldn't tell) under a very old name.


[This message has been edited by azuth (edited 03-02-2001).]
 
Old 03-02-2001, 06:10 PM   #6
Lord of Alcohol
Xanathar Thieves Guild
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Charlotte,NC
Age: 53
Posts: 4,560
Oh Gabe is Gabriel! Stupid me didnt make the connection. Well Cloudy is right, that Raistlin is wise!
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Old 03-02-2001, 06:38 PM   #7
Ladyzekke
Ironworks Atomic Moderator
 

Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Virginia, U.S.A.
Age: 50
Posts: 9,002
Thanks for helping me with my sig last night "Azuth"! Much appreciated

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Old 03-02-2001, 10:17 PM   #8
Raistlin
Manshoon
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Posts: 164
Azuth is it now? Please tell me you do not have multiple personality disorder as well! That would be beyond me as I never went on for my doctoate in psych.
hahahahahahaha

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Old 03-03-2001, 07:27 AM   #9
Memnoch
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: February 28, 2001
Location: Boston/Sydney
Posts: 11,759
Raistlin, I take my hat off to you for the wisdom and advice contained in your post - the length of it clearly shows the care and concern you have for a fellow human being. To re-type it all after it was wiped in the old board crash just puts an exclamation point on the word

INCREDIBLE!

which describes you to a T.

He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is a child. Teach him.
He who knows, and knows that he knows, is wise. Follow him.

You're definitely in bracket no.3. Gabe, you're probably in no.2 (as I probably am - hope I'm not in no.1!), and you have your entire life to learn!


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Old 03-03-2001, 07:59 AM   #10
azuth
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Posts: n/a
Raistlin, Azuth is the name I chose when this forum was up last time.
 
 


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