95 wizard spells not worth learning

SomeGuy · 11-08-2002, 08:23 PM

95 SPELLS NOT WORTH MEMORIZING

The "Official" List, V0.9b

compiled by Bill Garrett

This list has been edited for spelling and content. Thanks to all who
contributed: Nathan Amed, Paul Brinkley, Jay Cherry, Jonathan Coolidge,
Joe Delisle, Nushae Siobhan Fahey, Curtis Frye, Bill Garrett, Larry
Keber, John Kochmar, Tim Larson, Jonathan Sivier, Brian Snoddy, Stefan
Thieme, and many others.

1 Auditable Glamour
2 Bigby's Groping Hand
3 Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)
4 Blind Self
5 Break-Wind Wall
6 Burning Hands (Yours, ouch)
7 Charm Self
8 Charm Undead (X rated version)
9 Cone of bubbles
10 Cure Light Winds
11 Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm)
12 Darkness, 15 micron radius
13 Deathwish
14 Deeppocket Lint
15 Delayed Blast Flatulence
16 Deny Reality
17 Detect Crying
18 Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself)
19 Detect Stikes and Spares
20 Detect Wind
21 Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...)
22 Dimension Doorknob
23 Dispurse Self
24 Evard's Black Growth (range: 0)
25 Explosive Familiar (it's *your* familiar)
26 Extension Cord I, II, and III
27 Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds)
28 Find Acquaintance
29 Find Floor (somantic component: falling on face)
30 Find Hand (especially useful after casting Remove Hand)
31 Fiscal Projection
32 Heel
33 Hold Self
34 Hug Self
35 Indirection (address register postincrement)
36 Insect Plague, 5' Radius
37 Invisibility to Inanimate Objects.
38 Irritate Self
39 Kooshball
40 Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix
41 Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter
42 Leomund's Sturdy Music Box
43 Level Water
44 Lightning Blot
45 Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location)
46 Magic Boomeranging Missile (hit that 1st level mage for 1d4+1)
47 Magic Missal
48 Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar)
49 Melf's Acid Bow
50 Memorize Spell
51 Micrometeorite Storm
52 Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound
53 Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito
54 Muenster Summoning I-VII
55 Nystul's Undetectible Aura
56 Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck
57 Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level drow spell)
58 Plane XOR
59 Power Word, Smirk
60 Protection from Catnips
61 Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius
62 Protection from Halitosis
63 Protection from Normal Air
64 Protection from Normal Missals
65 Protection from Normal Pillows
66 Protection from Self
67 Protection from Weevil
68 Putrefy Offal
69 Rary's Mnemonic Device--makes silly acronyms out of things
70 Remove Hand (yours)
71 Remove Self
72 Reservation
73 Sheepskin
74 Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)
75 Summon Self
76 Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter
77 Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder
78 Tasha's Uncontrollable Flatulence
79 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand
80 Teleport Without Destination
81 Tenser's Formatted Disk
82 Tenser's Shocking Suggestion
83 Tenser's Slipped Disk
84 This Space for Rent (fills up space on in mage's memory)
85 Time Start
86 Tons
87 Transmute RGB to HSV
88 Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible)
89 Transmute ashes to ashes, dust to dust (priest spell)
90 Unscented Cloud
91 Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls)
92 Walk
93 Wall of Paper
94 Wall of Velcro
95 Wizard Lick

[ 11-08-2002, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: SomeGuy ]

Larry_OHF · 11-08-2002, 09:28 PM

Hey! You won't believe this, but this very same joke is in IW archives, about a year ago.

SomeGuy · 11-08-2002, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Larry_OHF:
Hey! You won't believe this, but this very same joke is in IW archives, about a year ago.

No I don't believe this. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

whacky · 11-09-2002, 10:13 AM

Someguy are you known somewhere as phiber opticz ??

Kaltia · 11-09-2002, 10:18 AM

Man, those should have been the wild mage effects

Horatio · 11-09-2002, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kaltia:
Man, those should have been the wild mage effects

Yeah, with Power Word, Smirk losing your charisma 7 points

Arvon · 11-09-2002, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SomeGuy:

quote:
Originally posted by Larry_OHF:
Hey! You won't believe this, but this very same joke is in IW archives, about a year ago.

No I don't believe this. [img]tongue.gif[/img] [/QUOTE]SDome of these things are worth rpeating once in a while. Mind you not too often.

Kaltia · 11-09-2002, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Horatio:

quote:
Originally posted by Kaltia:
Man, those should have been the wild mage effects

Yeah, with Power Word, Smirk losing your charisma 7 points [/QUOTE]And charm self losing you 7 points of intelligence [img]tongue.gif[/img]

11-08-2002, 08:23 PM	#1
SomeGuy Unicorn Join Date: May 14, 2002 Location: Oklahoma, USA Age: 33 Posts: 4,238	95 SPELLS NOT WORTH MEMORIZING The "Official" List, V0.9b compiled by Bill Garrett This list has been edited for spelling and content. Thanks to all who contributed: Nathan Amed, Paul Brinkley, Jay Cherry, Jonathan Coolidge, Joe Delisle, Nushae Siobhan Fahey, Curtis Frye, Bill Garrett, Larry Keber, John Kochmar, Tim Larson, Jonathan Sivier, Brian Snoddy, Stefan Thieme, and many others. 1 Auditable Glamour 2 Bigby's Groping Hand 3 Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent) 4 Blind Self 5 Break-Wind Wall 6 Burning Hands (Yours, ouch) 7 Charm Self 8 Charm Undead (X rated version) 9 Cone of bubbles 10 Cure Light Winds 11 Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm) 12 Darkness, 15 micron radius 13 Deathwish 14 Deeppocket Lint 15 Delayed Blast Flatulence 16 Deny Reality 17 Detect Crying 18 Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself) 19 Detect Stikes and Spares 20 Detect Wind 21 Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...) 22 Dimension Doorknob 23 Dispurse Self 24 Evard's Black Growth (range: 0) 25 Explosive Familiar (it's your familiar) 26 Extension Cord I, II, and III 27 Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds) 28 Find Acquaintance 29 Find Floor (somantic component: falling on face) 30 Find Hand (especially useful after casting Remove Hand) 31 Fiscal Projection 32 Heel 33 Hold Self 34 Hug Self 35 Indirection (address register postincrement) 36 Insect Plague, 5' Radius 37 Invisibility to Inanimate Objects. 38 Irritate Self 39 Kooshball 40 Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix 41 Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter 42 Leomund's Sturdy Music Box 43 Level Water 44 Lightning Blot 45 Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location) 46 Magic Boomeranging Missile (hit that 1st level mage for 1d4+1) 47 Magic Missal 48 Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar) 49 Melf's Acid Bow 50 Memorize Spell 51 Micrometeorite Storm 52 Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound 53 Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito 54 Muenster Summoning I-VII 55 Nystul's Undetectible Aura 56 Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck 57 Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level drow spell) 58 Plane XOR 59 Power Word, Smirk 60 Protection from Catnips 61 Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius 62 Protection from Halitosis 63 Protection from Normal Air 64 Protection from Normal Missals 65 Protection from Normal Pillows 66 Protection from Self 67 Protection from Weevil 68 Putrefy Offal 69 Rary's Mnemonic Device--makes silly acronyms out of things 70 Remove Hand (yours) 71 Remove Self 72 Reservation 73 Sheepskin 74 Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion) 75 Summon Self 76 Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter 77 Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder 78 Tasha's Uncontrollable Flatulence 79 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand 80 Teleport Without Destination 81 Tenser's Formatted Disk 82 Tenser's Shocking Suggestion 83 Tenser's Slipped Disk 84 This Space for Rent (fills up space on in mage's memory) 85 Time Start 86 Tons 87 Transmute RGB to HSV 88 Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible) 89 Transmute ashes to ashes, dust to dust (priest spell) 90 Unscented Cloud 91 Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls) 92 Walk 93 Wall of Paper 94 Wall of Velcro 95 Wizard Lick [ 11-08-2002, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: SomeGuy ] __________________ \"I firmly believe that any man\'s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious.\"<br />-Vince Lombardi

11-09-2002, 10:18 AM	#5
Kaltia Jack Burton Join Date: May 2, 2002 Location: Canterbury, England Age: 36 Posts: 5,817	Man, those should have been the wild mage effects __________________ The wolf is as cunning as he is ferocious; once he's had a taste of flesh then nothing else will do.

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11-08-2002, 09:28 PM	#2
Larry_OHF Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Midlands, South Carolina Age: 48 Posts: 14,759	Hey! You won't believe this, but this very same joke is in IW archives, about a year ago.

11-09-2002, 10:13 AM	#4
whacky Emerald Dragon Join Date: July 16, 2002 Location: The Abyss Age: 36 Posts: 904	Someguy are you known somewhere as phiber opticz ??

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