Is it really possible for a girl and guy to remain close friends?

[Diogenes Of Pumpkintown]

I certainly think guys and girls can be close friends without there being a sexual relationship. I see it around me all the time. I have such friends, my wife does, our friends do. It's not that uncommon.

[Memnoch]

Originally posted by mistral4543: I learnt for the above experience to be more alert to warning signs of a friendship reaching "danger-zone". And I've also made less of an effort to make friends with guys. But anyway, my point is that somehow (at least, in my experiences), the closer I feel to a guy, the more impossible it seems to remain that close without advancing towards a BGR. If we share so many happy times, thoughts and interests, it just seems natural to advance beyond friendship. I'm quite certain that if we were to remain friends, he will one day get attached to another lady and drift off to his new life (if my own brother whom I was pretty close to is doing it now with his wife, I see no reason why a mere friend - close as he might be - should not). I sometimes wonder if my thoughts have been warped by isolated cases of bad experience So, I'm inviting anyone with any comments (regardless of whether you agree or disagree with my observations) to enlighten me on this issue.

Two of my three best friends (excluding my girlfriend) are girls. One of them is an ex-girlfriend of mine. I personally don't have any difficulty in keeping girls as friends, I find that they can add such a different perspective to a friendship. With my ex there's always that bit of sexual tension but we've managed to keep it under control and it really does add so much more to our friendship - because we both realize the value of the friendship is worth more than giving in to that urge.

With my other friend it has always been totally platonic and we've managed to have relationships on the way. (It's been platonic despite the fact that she's very pretty and has done a bit of modelling work - you can see her photo at Stealthy's Site. Her name's Victoria.) Sometimes I don't speak to her for a month or so, sometimes we talk every couple of days - I guess I don't equate contact with closeness when it comes to friendship.

True friends are like stars - you might not always see them, but you know they are always there.

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[This message has been edited by Memnoch (edited 09-29-2001).]

[Fljotsdale]

Just want to throw in my thoughts, Mistral. First off - no need to be embarrassed - I think everyone has the some question at some time or another!

Yes, it is definitely possible to have 'just' friendships with people of the oposite sex. BUT a little common sense is needed to ensure that such friendships do not go beyond what you intend. Some suggestions:

1. Don't spend too much time ALONE with him/her. Do activities/go places with a GROUP of friends.

2. Be bold. If you see the other person is taking more interest than you want -TELL him/her that friendship is all you are looking for. This can be difficult and embarrassing because you will be afraid s/he will tell you that you are mistaken. Or you may be afraid of losing the friendship. Do it anyway.

3. The older you get, the easier it gets! Your hormones lose that first urgency by the time you are in your thirties! It is difficult to have platonic friendships in your teens and early 20s.

Thus spake the wise Alaundo - no! the wise Queen of the Illuminati!

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Dubbed Queen of the Illuminati by Diogenes.

[Cloudbringer]

Very interesting question and you definitely need not feel awkward asking! I tend to think Tobbin has covered the subject quite well! I know that several of my good friends are men, two of whom are married to other friends of mine. We've always been 'just friends'. I have been in the situation where a friendship started to become more on his side and had to say "whoa, I'm not looking for that with you", and have been on the other side of that coin once as well, but I think that's common enough. Fljotsdale has a point, just telling the other party that you value the friendship and nothing more is the best way to handle things.

I too, wish you well, mistral! May you have many friends and find that one special person in your life one day.

Cloudy

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Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
CloudDragon of the OHF
Storm-Queen
Raven's Cloud
StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever
"To sleep, perchance to dream..."

[This message has been edited by Cloudbringer (edited 09-29-2001).]

[Lioness]

I think guys and girls can be close friends, but right now I am having some problems with that myself. I have been friends with this guy for a loong time, but yesterday he called me up and asked if I wanted to go to the movies. I had got word this would be happening, and really didn't know what to say. I DON'T want to go out w/ him, but want to stay friends. I told him I had stuff to do, and hope he'll take the hint. Now I have tot wait til monday to see if he's mad. I hope you can work out your guy problems, Mistral.

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Lil' Angel
Sword Saint and Enchantress of the HADB Clan
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe
Bestest Mate of the Cyan Knight
Lady of Jerome, The Fallen Paladin
Honored Friend of the Warrior SSJ4Sephiroth, and the Arch-Mage Jafin
PeaceKeeping Force, Intelligence Division

[onthepequod]

Originally posted by Lioness: I told him I had stuff to do, and hope he'll take the hint. Now I have tot wait til monday to see if he's mad.

I know it's not easy Lioness but it would probably be better to confront him as opposed to dropping hints. That way you can convey exactly how much his friendship means as opposed to leaving it up to his imagination. Furthermore, if he does catch the hint, he may be embarassed that you don't feel the same way. By being direct with him you can defuse this type of embarasment with well choosen words. There is also the distinct possiblity that he will take you at your word and assume that the only reason you didn't go to the movie with him is because you really did have something else you had to do. This will only lead to future issues. Good luck.


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[Lioness]

I know. Thanx OTP.

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Lil' Angel
Sword Saint and Enchantress of the HADB Clan
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe
Bestest Mate of the Cyan Knight
Lady of Jerome, The Fallen Paladin
Honored Friend of the Warrior SSJ4Sephiroth, and the Arch-Mage Jafin
PeaceKeeping Force, Intelligence Division

[Sazerac]

Just out of curiosity (revisiting the topic, and a LOT of good ideas here, BTW): how many of the "successful" male-female platonic friendships occurred AFTER high school?

During middle school/high school, I would tend to agree that it would be nigh-well impossible to maintain a platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex because one's hormones are raging out of control during that time and even if one party is fine with a non-romantic relationship situation, I would think it would be very difficult for the other party to maintain, or vice-versa. My own example earlier about my friend Julie occurred when I was 23 and she was 22; both of us well out of high school and all that implies. High School, I think, is the last vestiges of a barbaric tribal caste system, where the main goal is survival to graduation, when life truly begins for 90% of its participants and the other 10% live off of their "glory days" in that bullpen.

Anyway, just curious as to thoughts on this.



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I know who you are...I saw what you did!

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

well, i think it may be possible for junior highers to. most of my friends are female at school, and i have never wanted to go any further than that with more than one of them (the feeling has long since passed, as she did not share the same sentiment). they are all, for the most part, quite attractive young lasses, however the fact that i realize that these are my only friends i can trust in RL (in my school, the males backbite more than females. im the go-between).
actually, i used to date two of them, but i unfortunately had messy breakups with both. the friendship has since been salvaged, so for me theres friendship at both ends of the spectrum!

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It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul.


What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me you have feelings now? Ha, ha, ha... Stop acting as if you're sad. And there's no need to act as if you're angry either. Because, Cloud, you are... a puppet.
Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan.
Follower of the mighty Fallen Paladin himself.
Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better!
Head of the IronWorks Intelligence Division

Stalking the woodlands,
the Lioness in my sight,
warm feelings doth come,
into my lonely heart

[Lifetime]

Wait a tick..
YOU'RE SINGAPOREAN!

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