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Old 08-23-2004, 10:38 PM   #1
Ilander
20th Level Warrior
 

Join Date: December 28, 2003
Location: Kentucky
Age: 38
Posts: 2,820
I was really enjoying college-life today...everything was really starting to look up, it really was. I was happy, and I was walking around, singing music to myself, gazing at the puffy clouds, you know, happy stuff...

I even saw some people from my hometown for the first time in a while, and they seemed really happy to see me (I got hugs, and humongous grins).

Then, later, I found the one of the same friends hanging out with another friend from the hometown, and they offered me a ride back to my dorm, which I gladly accepted, because I'd already walked around fifteen miles today...Plus, I was hoping for some conversation...I've been MAJORLY conversation starved here....

They started treating me like they always have, though. I was always the smartest in my class in high school (but never had the best grades ), and people kind of expected me to know everything...and that just ran me into the ground emotionally...what, with pointed questions and all.

Well, they were treating me that same way today, and I've TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED to get out from under that set of expectations, for the past two years...and when I get to college, it seems to have disappeared for a couple of hours, and then come back like never before...

So what should I do? I don't want to get rid of my friends, because they're very dear to me...but I can't tolerate being the automatic "genius" every time they want to know what the layers of the sky are called.

or am I just making a mountain out of a mole-hill, and should tough it out?

I don't know.
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Old 08-23-2004, 10:47 PM   #2
SomeGuy
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Join Date: May 14, 2002
Location: Oklahoma, USA
Age: 33
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Things effect people in different ways, don't worry. If I were you I would just kindly tell them you're not sure and that maybe you're not the genius you used to be or something like that. And maybe let them know how you're feeling.
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Old 08-23-2004, 10:58 PM   #3
Aerich
Lord Ao
 

Join Date: May 27, 2004
Location: Canada
Age: 42
Posts: 2,061
Just shrug and say, "heck if I know, tell me when you find out" for the next few times they ask you. Then suggest politely that they look it up on the Web.

I'm thinking that it's just convenient for your friends to ask their walking dictionary every time they don't know something. However, they may stop doing that if you let them know (nicely) that the dictionary is missing some pages. Also, don't put pressure on yourself to answer their questions. If you don't know or aren't sure, just say so and let it drop.
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Old 08-23-2004, 11:02 PM   #4
T-D-C
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: October 26, 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
Age: 43
Posts: 4,415
I would just say that your not sure and maybe you could help them look it up (study seession perhaps?)

Or just tell them your drunk and have no idea.
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Old 08-23-2004, 11:24 PM   #5
Ilander
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Join Date: December 28, 2003
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Well, it just seems to extend so much beyond that, though...they almost degrade me for what I know...and T-D-C, that's part of the reason I'm upset...they completely blew off talking to "boring old Lyle," who they think they know, because their RA had told them that they could have liquor so long as it wasn't seen...
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Old 08-24-2004, 02:15 AM   #6
The Hierophant
Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
 

Join Date: May 10, 2002
Location: Dunedin, New Zealand.
Age: 41
Posts: 2,860
Dude, be yourself. Do you feel relaxed and comfortable around these people? Do they feel relaxed and comfortable around you? If not, then maybe you arn't as close as you thought, and perhaps 'holding onto the friendship', despite it not being happy or fulfilling is not such a good idea. If this sort of scene and situation stresses you out, and if it happens consistantly, then you are only going to grow to resent these people, and those sorts of vibes suck [img]smile.gif[/img]

You're not going to get along with everyone man. You just arn't. The trick is to not worry about the relationships (both platonic and romantic) that don't work out, and be happy for the ones that do. You're a college boy now, you will meet plenty of new people. Just relax and do/say/behave in the way that you feel most relaxed and comfortable with, and like-minded people will naturally gravitate to you, and you to them. It's kinda like a social sieve. The people that 'fit' you will just seem to show up naturally out of the greater masses, you won't even really remember how you met them or started hanging out. It just kinda happens.
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Old 08-24-2004, 03:02 AM   #7
T-D-C
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Join Date: October 26, 2003
Location: Sydney, Australia
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If they are looking down on you because of what you know then they are not firends. Just people who use you to get what they want.

My advise. If your not feeling confortable around these people then let them go. You are bound to make more friends in college who appriciate you for who you are not what you know.

BTW if they are still seeing you in the same way then they have a lot of growing up to do which you have clearly done.
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Old 08-24-2004, 03:11 AM   #8
Dron_Cah
Horus - Egyptian Sky God
 
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Join Date: March 2, 2003
Location: Kentucky
Age: 37
Posts: 2,637
Hey, bro, I'm sorry to hear that. Who are the punks giving ya trouble? Want I to talk to them?? I know its not me, as I'm on the wrong campus, lol. Anyways, I got a good guess, but I forget everyone that was going there. Well, I'll talk to ya later, man, just take it easy. I gotta wake up in a few hours, so imma sleep, now.
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Old 08-24-2004, 04:04 AM   #9
Aerich
Lord Ao
 

Join Date: May 27, 2004
Location: Canada
Age: 42
Posts: 2,061
Ah, so you're getting the condescension now...

That's a bit tougher. You have to show them you have teeth. Next time one talks down to you, give it right back to him/her. Half in jest, but make sure the edge shows through. Just a couple sentences; enough to show them you won't be their doormat anytime they have nothing better to do. Alternately, you can sit down with one of them and make it clear about how you feel. Don't bare your soul, because you want whatever you say to get to the others.

And I second the good advice of Hierophant and T-D-C. If those dopes don't smarten up after you've dropped a few hints about how you feel, just relegate them to the "familiar acquaintances but not true friends" category. If you feel like a hanger-on when you're with them, spend as little time with them as possible.

It also sounds like the adjustment to college is a little rocky for you. Try not to stress about things. The best advice I can give is to actively try to make friends. Talk to people in your classes, in the cafeteria, and in your building. Make a special effort to talk to people who tend to keep to themselves. Usually those people are shy, but they often make far better friends than the hard-drinking social butterflies.
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Old 08-24-2004, 06:28 AM   #10
Har'oloth
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Join Date: September 28, 2001
Location: The Netherlands
Age: 39
Posts: 209
say that the alcohol has burned away all of your grey cells!
works with me!
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