07-23-2006, 11:16 AM | #1 |
Unicorn
Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
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Life is Funny
1. Food has replaced sex in my life ... now I can't even get into my own pants! 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood-alcohol content. 3. Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ... so I said, "Implants?" 5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast. 6. Sign in a CHINESE Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea." 7. I have my own little world. But it's OK ... they know me here. 8. I got a sweater for Christmas ... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. 9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 10. I don't approve of political jokes ... I've seen too many of them get elected. 11. The most precious thing we have is life ... Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. 12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of handgrenades ...THAT'S A MESSAGE! 13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. 14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley. 15. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect. 16. I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately! 17. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. 18. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway? 19. How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America? 20. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? 21. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? 22. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. 23. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!" 24. The differences between snowmen and snow-women are snowballs.
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07-23-2006, 12:03 PM | #2 |
Xanathar Thieves Guild
Join Date: March 17, 2001
Location: Wichita, KS USA
Age: 60
Posts: 4,537
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Loved #9. [img]graemlins/Funny_post.gif[/img]
Bonus: If life is a stage, where does the audience sit?
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To those we have lost; May your spirits fly free. Good Music: Here. Interesting read, one of my blogs. |
07-23-2006, 12:31 PM | #3 |
Baaz Draconian
Join Date: May 2, 2005
Location: Finland
Posts: 789
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That's good stuff, made me smile... [img]smile.gif[/img]
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Let it not be said that it was done out of pride |
07-24-2006, 01:31 AM | #4 |
Baaz Draconian
Join Date: May 24, 2004
Location: Bundaberg, Queensland, Australia
Age: 35
Posts: 721
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Ahh, life is indeed amusing
Favourites from that list are #15 and #21 *gives thumbs up*
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"So many thoughts running through my head, I know what you feel, I know what you dread; When a room's filled with laughter, when a room's filled with lies, you're the only one I know that's in disguise..." |
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