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Old 07-23-2006, 11:16 AM   #1
Arvon
Unicorn
 

Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
Life is Funny

1. Food has replaced sex in my life ... now I can't even get into my own pants!

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood-alcohol content.

3. Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ... so I said, "Implants?"

5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.

6. Sign in a CHINESE Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

7. I have my own little world. But it's OK ... they know me here.

8. I got a sweater for Christmas ... I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

10. I don't approve of political jokes ... I've seen too many of them get elected.

11. The most precious thing we have is life ... Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of handgrenades ...THAT'S A MESSAGE!

13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.

15. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

16. I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

17. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

18. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

19. How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America?

20. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

21. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

22. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

23. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

24. The differences between snowmen and snow-women are snowballs.
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Old 07-23-2006, 12:03 PM   #2
robertthebard
Xanathar Thieves Guild
 

Join Date: March 17, 2001
Location: Wichita, KS USA
Age: 60
Posts: 4,537
Loved #9. [img]graemlins/Funny_post.gif[/img]
Bonus: If life is a stage, where does the audience sit?
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Interesting read, one of my blogs.
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Old 07-23-2006, 12:31 PM   #3
Bithron
Baaz Draconian
 

Join Date: May 2, 2005
Location: Finland
Posts: 789
That's good stuff, made me smile... [img]smile.gif[/img]
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Old 07-24-2006, 01:31 AM   #4
Lauren
Baaz Draconian
 

Join Date: May 24, 2004
Location: Bundaberg, Queensland, Australia
Age: 35
Posts: 721
Ahh, life is indeed amusing
Favourites from that list are #15 and #21 *gives thumbs up*
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"So many thoughts running through my head, I know what you feel, I know what you dread; When a room's filled with laughter, when a room's filled with lies, you're the only one I know that's in disguise..."
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