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Old 02-21-2005, 08:29 PM   #1
Tasslehoff Burrfoot
The Magister
 

Join Date: September 14, 2003
Location: Deep Space
Age: 34
Posts: 140
ok here it goes
Why can't a blonde dial 911?


She can't find the eleven.


A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
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<img border=\"0\" alt=\"[1polarworm]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/1polarworm.gif\" /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[monster6]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/monster6.gif\" /> <br />how does it feel to die?<br />anyone?
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Old 02-21-2005, 08:31 PM   #2
Sir Degrader
Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
 

Join Date: November 3, 2001
Location: Canada
Age: 63
Posts: 2,871
I thought they were funny, but the human relations people did not...
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Old 02-21-2005, 08:54 PM   #3
Tasslehoff Burrfoot
The Magister
 

Join Date: September 14, 2003
Location: Deep Space
Age: 34
Posts: 140
heres another
A Scottish tourist at his first baseball game...

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"
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<img border=\"0\" alt=\"[1polarworm]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/1polarworm.gif\" /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[monster6]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/monster6.gif\" /> <br />how does it feel to die?<br />anyone?
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Old 02-22-2005, 07:25 PM   #4
Jerry_Seinfeld
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Join Date: December 9, 2004
Location: VA
Age: 35
Posts: 114
I got one, a blonde walks into a store and sees a nice TV. She walks up to the counter and asks how much it costs. THe man at the counter looks at her, then replies "we dont sell to blondes"

She comes back the next day with her hair dyed red, and again asks for the TV. Once again the man at the counter looks at her then smiles and says "i told you yesterday that we dont sell to blondes"

She comes back the 3rd day with her hair dyed black and asks how much the TV is. The man at the counter laughs and says they dont sell to blondes. Frusterated the woman asks how he knew she was a blonde for the last two days.

The man replies, "thats not a TV, thats a microwave."

Ha... Ha...

[ 02-22-2005, 07:27 PM: Message edited by: Jerry_Seinfeld ]
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Old 02-22-2005, 07:53 PM   #5
Tasslehoff Burrfoot
The Magister
 

Join Date: September 14, 2003
Location: Deep Space
Age: 34
Posts: 140
There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
"Anywhere I go, she goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.
''One thousand dollars for the food.''
''But I haven't touched the food."
''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV."
''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''
''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed."
''But I slept on the floor!''
''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."
''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''
''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''
''It was there. You should have!''
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