Should you smack your children?

[Sazerac]

Originally posted by Mouse: As with all controversial topics, there are pro and anti lobbies. If you want to start in-depth study of both sides of the arguement, here and here might be good places to start. Being a non-breeder myself, I am not sure how I would handle this dilemma.

As usual, Mouse, the true answer probably lies somewhere between the two extremes. I tend way more towards the "non-hitting" pole, but I think it's been roundly shown that a Spockeyan universal view can be equally detrimental. (Dr. Benjamin Spock, I fully feel, *ruined* a large portion of an entire generation of children, and the resulting mindset about "not disciplining" kids is why we have situations like Columbine High School and other such tragic incidents to this day.)

As I said before, the best methods of discipline are the ones that do NOT involve corporal punishment. When corporal punishment is used, everyone loses: the kid, the parent, etc...but sometimes it's the only thing that can work. It's still a lose-lose situation; the lesser of two evils, shall we say. It's also why I suggest it ONLY as a last resort, and only in the mildest forms possible.

-Sazerac

[Sazerac]

Originally posted by johnny: well, you all seem very sure of yourselves on this matter but check this out: i know a guy who's happily married and has an 8 year old son, nothing ever went wrong in his life and as far as i know he never hit the boy in his entire life. But one night he wakes up because he needed to go to the bathroom, turns on the light, and there stands his son with a very, very big knife in his hands. I don't know exactly what he did then, but now they sleep with a lock on their bedroomdoor. I don't know how y'all would react, but before i would place him in some home for mentally disturbed kids, i would surely kick the living shit out of him. Rather that than i would let anything happen to my wife or myself

Was the child threatening him or his wife in any way? I can imagine that would give the father quite a turn. But "kicking the living shit" out of a child is NOT the answer.

I would definitely try to talk with the child first and see if he's disturbed about something, and if he doesn't want to talk, take him in to see a professional. The kid sounds like he needs help. Interesting that you immediately thought of danger to the wife or husband, but didn't consider the possibility that the child may be considering suicide.

-Sazerac

[The.Relic]

I came from one of those homes where smacking, spanking and beating were the end-all be-all, and a person CAN overcome that kind of upbringing. My daughter Brittany will be 16 in July and I have NEVER had to lay a finger on her and she is one of the most well adjusted and stable children I have ever known. Only once have I ever had to give my 11 year old son Bryce a single light swat on his bottom because he was out of control. It wasn't hard, but the shock that I had actually done it got his full attention. Not to mention the anguish I felt for having to resort to it. It brought tears to my eyes just to see his response. There may be those rare occasions when some form of intelligently measured physical reaction is called for, but only in the extreme.

[Mouse]

Anyway, Saz, to discipline kids all you would have to do is threaten them with your evil-smelling fart raptor....... [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

[Catalina]

I have to say I totally disagree with those of you that would hit/ shake a child as a last resort.. I believe that teaches the child that when truly frustrated or angry, it is acceptable to hit. And as far as I know, a child at the age of 3-4-5-6, goes from being in the state of truly happiness to extremely frustrated/ angry on 1-2-3! They are not always as diplomatic/ pacient as an adult usually is (or at least should be..). I don't have a child myself, but I've been working in different kindergardens for some years now, besides having 2 sisters on 8 and 10. I have never even been tempted to hit or shake a child. We are the ones that are supposed to be role-models for our next generation, guys!

[johnny]

Originally posted by Sazerac: quote: Originally posted by johnny: well, you all seem very sure of yourselves on this matter but check this out: i know a guy who's happily married and has an 8 year old son, nothing ever went wrong in his life and as far as i know he never hit the boy in his entire life. But one night he wakes up because he needed to go to the bathroom, turns on the light, and there stands his son with a very, very big knife in his hands. I don't know exactly what he did then, but now they sleep with a lock on their bedroomdoor. I don't know how y'all would react, but before i would place him in some home for mentally disturbed kids, i would surely kick the living shit out of him. Rather that than i would let anything happen to my wife or myself

Was the child threatening him or his wife in any way? I can imagine that would give the father quite a turn. But "kicking the living shit" out of a child is NOT the answer.

I would definitely try to talk with the child first and see if he's disturbed about something, and if he doesn't want to talk, take him in to see a professional. The kid sounds like he needs help. Interesting that you immediately thought of danger to the wife or husband, but didn't consider the possibility that the child may be considering suicide.

-Sazerac[/QUOTE]wouldn't you say that just standing there in the middle of the night with a big knife is freaky enough ? Suppose he woke up a little later the boy would have stabbed his wife ? I know for a fact that they hardly ever communicate anymore (father and son i mean) and that they now lock themselves up every night. I don't think i would wanna live my life like that.

[Catalina]

And the solution to this is to beat the living shit out of this boy? Uhm, nope!

In disagreement with most of ya'll, Absolutely yes!
Pain is natures most effective teaching tool, time outs and being setnt to my room and even grounding did nothing to deter misbehaviour on my part growing up. Getting whacked by my dad got my attention and did instill fear of his discipline. I still managed to love my father and grew up to be a healthy functioning member of society. I still learned how to hunt, fish, repair cars and trucks, tie flies, weld, build a barn and a bazillion other things from my father. The idea that physical punishment of children somehow ruins them is ridiculous. Time outs and being sent to your room, are not going to deter bad behaviour in the least.

When Im instructing my son and he ignores me or his attention wanders a painful flick to his ear will get his attention and focus his thoughts on me and what I am telling him...and yet amazingly he still loves me, still laughs and plays and since he knows I will not hesitate to use pain as an attention getter..I do not have to use it....amazing how that works....he knows I will if I have to...so he avoids making me use those tactics...wow what a concept. You will never see me have to repeatedly call to my kids to "Come Here" only to have them ignore me. I also really really enjoy having elderly people stop me in those stores and compliment me on how well behaved and happy my kids are, while they disdainfully glance at the other kids running amok in the Wal-Mart. My children also enjoy getting these compliments as well. Ill stick to the "Spare the Rod and spoil the child philosophy". The only restrictions I would place on physical punishment, is to never do it while you are angry or heated, do not do it capriciously, be consistant and be sure to be clear with your children what IS and IS NOT acceptable behaviour.

[Melusine]

I don't know how y'all would react, but before i would place him in some home for mentally disturbed kids, i would surely kick the living shit out of him. Rather that than i would let anything happen to my wife or myself

I take it you don't have kids?
And no, I don't have kids either, but at least I can see what's wrong with your picture there.

I will also say that anyone who does not have children or if you are still a minor yourself, your opinion on this whole issue is useless. Untill you personally are responsible for bringing a life into this world and ensuring they are able to survive and flourish long after you are gone, you really don't have a clue. If you are a minor and have brought a child into the world, that just indicates that you do not have the wisdom to be raising a child in the first place.