Are you fit to be a parent? Take the test and find out

[Arvon]

Parenthood Test

Do you have what it takes to be a parent? If you can pass the tests below, you're parent material.

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

[LordKathen]

I cant bealieve nobody has replied to this already! This is the best and most accurate parent to be test I have ever seen or heard of. It is perfect!!! It should be read every friday after school to all kids from the age of 10-18, and emphesized that as it may be a joke, it is actually very close to reality.
This may help with children having babies. Sorry to all the teens who are a part of this forum, but you are kids untill your LEGALLY responsable for yourself. To all the parents out there, is this great or what!?

If you check out my homepage (link in my sig) you will see that I can atest to
ALL of this test as acurate. Good job Arvon. :awesomejob:

[Paladin2000]

Originally posted by LordKathen: I cant bealieve nobody has replied to this already! This is the best and most accurate parent to be test I have ever seen or heard of. It is perfect!!! It should be read every friday after school to all kids from the age of 10-18, and emphesized that as it may be a joke, it is actually very close to reality. This may help with children having babies. Sorry to all the teens who are a part of this forum, but you are kids untill your LEGALLY responsable for yourself. To all the parents out there, is this great or what!? If you check out my homepage (link in my sig) you will see that I can atest to ALL of this test as acurate. Good job Arvon. :awesomejob:

Not to undermine Arvon's effort, but someone has already posted something similar sometime ago. Repeated topics/post contents usually received lukewarm replies or in some rare cases, none at all.

[LordKathen]

Ok. I didnt see the previous post, so it was knew to me. That does make sence as to why there are no replies to such a good post. Is there an easy way to find the other one?

[Paladin2000]

Try using the search option if the topic is still around. I think using "parent" as a keyword should do the trick.

[/)eathKiller]

For a guy with so many jokes i'm suprised he doesnt want to use any for the "Joke thread" [img]tongue.gif[/img] If you win you could get a nice prize that would suit you just perfectly ya know [img]tongue.gif[/img]

If you want to participate as a Commedian and tell some of your jokes you're completley welcome to sign up, But I'm going to bring things to a close if people start losing interest and then I cant give out an "official" Funniest Guy on Ironworks award [img]tongue.gif[/img]

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