The Blight Before Christmas

[Attalus]

How do you like this? I think it's hilarious! John Leo's "The Blight Before Christmas."

BY JOHN LEO
A blight before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

There was Santa again, on his annual journeys,

Ensnared in a group of eight tiny attorneys.

They looked pretty grim and they threatened to sue,

So we knew in a flash–"It's the ACLU!"

They paid us no heed but went straight to their work,

Handcuffing poor Santa, then said with a smirk:

"This is secular airspace, we can't have a saint

Flying our flight paths–we need some restraint.

A sleigh full of toys is OK, we suppose,

But faith-based incursions we've got to oppose." 1

Litigation on Christmas is something we dread,

So we nestled our children all under their bed.

The Grinch doesn't scare them, and Scrooge they see through,

But what kids are prepared for the ACLU?

The reindeer were shackled as a further incitement,

Then the lawyers unpackaged a 12-count indictment.

"Merry Christmas to all!" they just had to foreclose

(Though they had no complaint about all the "Ho, ho's").

One lawyer objected to Santa's red clothing.

"It's religiously tainted," he said with some loathing.

"Poinsettias (the red ones) everybody must note, are

A church-state offense in St. Paul, Minnesota!" 2

Santa's climb up each chimney (one lawyer made mention)

Is a symbolic reference to Jesus's Ascension.

And the reindeer, of course, recall the Apostles,

And those who deny it are nothing but fossils.

These lawyers had labored at neighborhood schools,

Making Christmas extinct there as part of the rules.

Praise Kwanzaa or Ramadan–they think it's quite splendid,

But say "Merry Christmas" and you could get suspended.

Our children, God bless them, don't get or recall

Why "inclusiveness" doesn't include them at all,

Why diversity theory (as the lawyers insist) must

Require the annual quashing of Christmas.

In Canada, home of post-everything living,

Now "The 12 Days of Christmas" are "The 12 Days of Giving." 3

Christmas trees aren't part of their season at all.

They buy "multicultural trees" at the mall.

At a hospital (Catholic) the staff is ashamed 4

To use the word Christmas, so their tree is misnamed

As a "care tree," though some would prefer "tree of life."

(Why not "tall lit-up flora" to avoid any strife?) 5

Australians were told they should have no compunctions

Calling parties at Christmastime "end-of-year functions." 6

The idea is to make Christmas somehow unmentionable,

A tactic I think of as wholly contemptionable.

Instead of "White Christmas," they will probably sing

"I'm dreaming of a snow day some time in pre-spring."

Here's my suggestion, a harsh one I fear,

Why not call Christmas "Christmas"? (It's just an idea.)

Merry Christmas!

Notes on the Poem

1. "Somewhere Santa Claus is weeping. But if he's on public property, I hope the ACLU doesn't get him for trespassing."–Bill O'Reilly's column of December 7


2. In St. Paul, red poinsettias were banned last Christmas at Ramsey County Courthouse-City Hall to placate sensitive people who believe they are Christian symbols. White poinsettias were allowed, but unknown insensitive people smuggled a few red ones in. This year, red poinsettias were restored to the display.

3. The Royal Canadian Mint made this change in its annual Christmas ad campaign. The Rev. Nancy Murphy, an Anglican priest in Ottawa, said: "You know that campaign for women to take back the night? Well, Christians, take back Christmas." Gerry Bowler, a history professor at the University of Manitoba, says "the umbrage industry" and militant secularism are eliminating Christmas from public institutions.

4. In Winnipeg, Misericordia (Catholic) Hospital erected a "care tree" and sponsored a Christmas fund-raising campaign that did not use the word "Christmas."

5. In Montreal last December, a "tree of life" was stationed at City Hall. This year many Christmas trees are placed there. "If you're going to do it, call it what it is–a Christmas tree," said a spokesman for Mayor Gerald Tremblay. Another good sign: This year Toronto's City Hall replaced its "holiday tree" with a Christmas tree.

6. Stuart Kollmorgen, workplace relations partner at Deacons law firm in Melbourne, said many firms are calling Christmas parties "end-of-year functions" to avoid litigation and because "a more accepting and inclusive society will result."

[Sir Galefin]

Hehe

[Ar-Cunin]

what exactly is ACLU

seeing it is lawyers I'd guess something like 'American Civil Lawyers Union'??

EDIT: and [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

[ 12-21-2002, 02:52 PM: Message edited by: Ar-Cunin ]

[Attalus]

Sorry, Ar-Cunin, it stands for "American Civil Liberties Union." But yours is about right.

The whole thing makes me sad. We can teach kids about Islam and Rmadan and Kwanzaa but not about christmas or christianity in our schools....I just don't see the difference. We can see public ads for Kwanzaa on our local television channels but not a word about Christmas..just "Happy Hollidays" and "Seasons Greetings" when talking about the Christian holiday.

It was the Christian religion that really started this country...Repressed catholics trying to get out from under the Church of England and its secular dumping ground for second sons. It was the Quakers and Puritans who settled in this country, and now we cannot even talk about them. (I think this is the real reason history is being dropped from the school curriculems)

Edit:Historical Note, the Quakers in particular treated the American Indians fairly and paid fair prices for lands obtained from them.

[ 12-21-2002, 03:06 PM: Message edited by: MagiK ]

[Mouse]

Originally posted by MagiK: It was the Christian religion that really started this country.

Ouch. I just wonder what these people are all about then

[TheCrimsomBlade]

ACLU = Against Christmas Lawers Unwanted

Originally posted by MagiK: quote: Originally posted by Mouse: quote: Originally posted by MagiK: It was the Christian religion that really started this country.

Ouch. I just wonder what these people are all about then [/QUOTE]Mouse you know better than that. The Native Americans did not start the United States. THey had their lands forcibly removed from them by the Dutch, the English, the Spanish and the Portugese and to a lesser extent the French..(note the french had fairly good relations with native americans compared to other european nations). It is also a matter of record that William Penn and the quakers and people who settled predominantly in Pennsylvania (but also in parts of what is now called Georgia and the Carolina's) did treat fairly with the Native Americans. After having just completed a fairly comprehensive look at the colonization of what is now the US I am sure of the fact about the quakers....as sure as anyone now alive can be that is.

EDIT: One of the reason the "NARF" is having so much trouble is that the leaders of Native American organizations have parleyed exemptions from most if not all federal laws, claiming the right to treat themselves as an independant nation (yeah a really big generalization there) so their wanting to retain their own independance hinders any kid of changes that congress is willing to look at. You cant have it both ways, you cant get congress to help you out if you don't want to be part of the organization....sort of like wanting Union benefits without being a Union Member.[/QUOTE]

[Sir Krustin]

Originally posted by MagiK: The whole thing makes me sad. We can teach kids about Islam and Rmadan and Kwanzaa but not about christmas or christianity in our schools....I just don't see the difference. We can see public ads for Kwanzaa on our local television channels but not a word about Christmas..just "Happy Hollidays" and "Seasons Greetings" when talking about the Christian holiday.

It's a pet-peeve of mine as well. The sikhs and the muslims get offended at prayer and christian topics, demanding they be stopped - yet they also demand the "right" to wear specific clothing, or practice their own religion-specific activities on school property, not once asking if we are in any way offended. I don't mind so much that they practice their own religious beliefs, it's just the principle of the thing; sauce for the goose.

I have similar feelings relating to the sikh/RCMP uniform issue as well. As far as I'm concerned, the sikhs should have to wear the same headgear as the rest of the uniformed force. If they don't like it, they don't have to work for the RCMP.

[Jeffi0]

Reminds me of the "Politically Correct Christmas Story" from the Royal Canadian Air Farce, Christmas Special.

http://www.airfarce.com/video/021213bh.rm

This next one was SO FUNNY! I was literally rofl...

http://www.airfarce.com/video/021213fh.rm

For those of you who don't know, Lucien Bouchard is a fanatic separatist.

If these links don't work, tell me. You HAVE to see the second one. [img]smile.gif[/img]