Stackman's Adventures (Chapter thirty)

[bsftcs]

Riots, Rapscallions and Rabble-Rousers

Being the thirtieth chapter of Stackman’s adventures

In which the party draws a sigh of relief having visited Sabastio for the last time and in which Stackman establishes himself as a superior oratorical genius.

With a sizzle the party appeared on the main shopping street of Brimloch Roon. They went straight into the Bushi Dojo where they were commended for having slain the darkened one, Thus ended the first of three quests given by the Bushi Dojo of Brimloch Roon. They then undertook the ”kill Bloodbeard” quest. Had they gone but a few metres further back at the back entrance of the shrine they would have encountered the pirate and thus have forfeit their chance of undertaking this quest.

Then they went to the pawn shoppe where some of the party members were awarded for having retrieved the stone clover proving the existence of the leprechaun. (The peculiar circumstances surrounding the undertaking of this and the Talon’s Fang quest are explained by Sazerac on Page four of the Best Tips). Thus ended the second of three quests given by the thieves guild of Brimloch roon.

Next they went to the temple and delivered the Relic of Isis. They then undertook the ”Monk’s Ward” quest. Thus ended the second of three quests given by the priest guild of Brimloch Roon. Finally they visited Sabastio in the magic shoppe and listened to his final tirades. They were rewarded for having shattered the aegis sealing the entrance to Anephas’s Shrine. Thus ended the third of three quests given by the wizards guild of Brimloch Roon.

They were slowly walking towards the inn to spend the night when up the street came a throng of townsfolk towards them. They made quite a din, and a stream of swearwords rained incessantly against the party: ”Death to the leprechaun slayers”. The adventurers closed up as the crowd closed in on them and forced them to back up the hill towards the town hall, where they were eventually surrounded. Events gradually moved. The valkyrie repelled two agressive, armed townsmen with her shield. The barbarian had to raise his axe to keep people at bay. The warlock stood ready to cast the teleport spell if necessary.

The crowd grew more and more irascible when suddenly a very peremptory shout: ”Stop” was heard. The crowd lowered their weapons and looked at each other with an uncertain mien. A path opened up through the crowd as a lone figure strode through. ”Stackman” was the word murmured and whispered throughout the crowd. Stackman made his way to the adventurers, and the crowd respectfully stepped a few metres back.

Stackman looked commandigly at the town bailiff who was among the people in the front of the crowd. Swiftly the bailiff brought about that a crate be brought Stackman to serve as a rostrum. Stackman looked very condescendingly at the bailiff who immediately realized his mistake and brought in two more crates so that they could make a stack. Stackman climbed unto the stack of crates.

The crowd was silent as the grave when the Ironworks Forum member began to speak. ”Listen, you lovers of summary courts... Pray tell, what have these fine adventurers done to offend you in such a way that you straightway would have done them in had I not been here to prevent your foul deeds?”. The crowd was silent for a few seconds which felt like years. Then stepped forward an elderly man - the Leprechaun Cult’s Master of Ceremonies. ”These six people have killed the Leprechaun. The pride and joy of Brimloch Roon and our heraldic symbol”. At these words the crowd began to look at each other, murmur and nod. At the signs of the crowd’s slowly beginning to stir again the ceremony master’s second in command, a young haughty fellow, stepped forward and said provokingly challenging to Stackman: ”Yeah, just give us five good reasons to kill a leprechaun”. Sporadic laughter was heard in the crowd. ”Very well”, said Stackman, ”if you will then accept the deeds of my noble adventurers”. A general exclamation of ”Yes” was heard.

Stackman paused for a while, looking at the sky. Then he raised his voice and spoke solemnly. ”No leprechaun is a member of the League of Sorcery. Their shy and reclusive nature prevents them from joining in with people. For travelling around the Isles of Sand and for quickly hiding from people who chance to get near them, the leprechauns resort to the vanish spell, which is a level six moon spell”. Stackman made a short pause, eyeing the crowd knowing he had their attention. ”The force field fluctuations emanating from vanish spells that have not been approved by the League of Sorcery’s Safety Committee are infamous for causing cancer and skin diseases among infants and toddlers”. A gasp could be heard from the crowd. And several women who were mothers themselves could be seen moving away from the elders of the cult.

”Now then...”, Stackman continued, ”take now the average treasure taken from a leprechaun’s body and from his campsite...”. Stackman looked at the puzzled crowd. ”My party brought in the special stone clover among other much sought after jewelry and trinkets. If you then add the leprechaun’s stick, weapons, and armour you get a treasure totalling about ten thousand gold pieces...”. ”I call upon Miruth as a witness to these figures”, Stackman said pointing at the shady ratling in the rear of the crowd. ”A good salesman equipped with the merchant trait can sell the items for roughly twice as much”. ”That means a net gain of about ten thousand gold pieces”. ”If you subtract that amount from the gross national product of Brimloch Roon your city would fall way beyond the standard of other trade centers such as Ishad N’ha”. The people looked at Duke Brinsly and other town officials who had come out of town hall to see what the commotion was all about. The Duke and the officials were nodding at Stackman’s figures.

”If the Leprechauns were not hunted from place to place and forced to move frequently because their habitats were discovered then they would grow obese and complacent since they have a slow-working metabolism, and that would be a giant threat to public health.”, Stackman went on. The crowd began to nod. ”Wait a minute...”, yelled the young haughty cult administrator, who felt he was losing ground, ”...that argument only concerns hunting them. In fact it specifically involves NOT killing them”. He looked around with a smirk as the crowd began to applaud him. ”All right...”, Stackman replied scratching his head, pausing for a moment, ”...Strike that from the list of reasons”. Stackman hastily flicked through the pages of the Ironworks Forum bestseller: ”Hundred reasons to kill a leprechaun”.

”Okay, how about this one...”, he continued, ”...Soon Lord Cet’s evil minions will be at the pier of Brimloch Roon”. Again the crowd turned silent. ”My adventurers are the spearhead in the mission to stop the dark forces”. Stackman eyed the uneasy crowd intently knowing he had done the right thing playing on their fear for the evil pharaoh. ”The incinerate spell is the primary offensive spell of any well equipped sorceror...”, Stackman continued, ”...And because Leprechauns are so elusive they make the best targets for target practicing”. The eyes of the crowd looked at the adventurers with growing awe. “Only this way my adventurers can become sufficiently adept at casting these spells”.

Stackman knew this was the time to play his trump card. ”If, at any given moment, the killing of the leprechaun should turn out to have been a really bad idea, the problem can always be amended”, said Stackman while the crowd eyed him curiously. ”This...”, he said producing a small lustreless rectangular plastic object, ”...Is the fabled Reset Adventure Button!!!”. The crowd virtually bowed in awe of seing the legendary object. A part of the crowd started yelling a measured ”Stackman, Stackman, Stackman”, and soon the slogan spread to the whole crowd, while the senior cult members slowly began to move towards the edge of the crowd, knowing they had been beaten.

”And finally...”, yelled Stackman quivering exstatically, enjoying his certain victory, ”...The final and best reason for killing the leprechaun is the fact that we at the Ironworks Forum simply cannot stand the sight of him”. Realizing that what they had for so long been beguiled to believe about the likings and dislikings of the members of the celestial Forum was in no way near the truth some cult members started yelling ”Down with the cult” while the others continued to yell ”Stackman”. That very night all high ranking cult personnel were driven from the town while Stackman and his party were chaired to the inn by the cheering crowd.

[ 11-20-2003, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: bsftcs ]

[Wyvern]

ROFL!!!!!

Oh what a picture that makes!! I can envision it all, especially the stack of boxes upon which Stackman stood to give his moving speech!!

Much fun!!!

When I read the opening bit, I was afraid that Stackman's oratorical genius was going to be worked on Sebastio which could be potential dangerous if Sebastio was allowed to get a word in edgewise.

Very well done indeed, bsftcs!!!

Wyv

[Bungleau]

Great stuff! They will follow because the gods of the forum dictate it be so... [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

On for the next....

[Norin]

Great writing! "Behold the mighty reset-adventure" button...