Some funny, some...not so funny.

[Horatio]

Okay, some of these are quite bad, but some are okay:

A man is walking past his son's bedroom at night and overhears his son praying. He stops to listen.
"God Bless Me, God Bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy, God Bless Granny, and goodbye grandad"
The man shrugs and goes to bed.
The next morning, Grandad is found dead, of a heart attack.
The man again walks by and hears his son praying the next night:
"God Bless Me, God Bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy, and goodbye Granny"
"uh-oh," thought the man, but didn't say anything.
The next morning, Granny is found to be dead of a heart attack.
And, once again, the man listens to his son's prayer:
"God Bless Me, God Bless Mummy, and goodbye Daddy"
"JEEZUS!!!" thinks the man. The next morning, he quickly rushes down to the doctors. It turns out that he is pretty fit, and at no risk. Upon returning home, his wife rushes up to him.
"Quickly, get an ambulance, the postman's just had a heart attack!"

To freak out a bank clerk:
Ask a bank clerk if you can discuss your account. They will ask you for your password.
"Mother" you say.
They then ask you for your secret question.
"Who is under the patio" you reply.

At a beach, there is a pier, which, it is said, beings good luck if you throw money off it.
A man is found running underneath it, catching the money in his hood that is blowing insanely in the wind.
"You seem to take this seriously" said one by-passer, eyeing the man's still waving hood and the money inside.
"of course I do," the man replied "it's my Lively-Hood"
*cringe*