More Exchange Problems

[WoodyG666]

Hello,some of you might remember me from my previous topic about exchange students. That problem has cleared up now and i have plenty of freinds and i have lots of stuff to do on the weekend. The problem i am having now is with my host family. I live with a older couple around 50 that are ministers of a church. My host mother is realy nice and i think she likes me but my host father doesnt. Whenever he talks to me its to tell me to clean up something or to wash something,(and i have plenty of chores ). The other night i was playing basketball with him and a few other people and i screwed up once(passed to wrong person:p) so he didnt pass to me the rest of the game. He always "needs to have a little talk" with me about realy little things like, Cleaning up and stuff.
You guys are always helpful and i appreciate any help

[Aelia Jusa]

Hi Woody [img]smile.gif[/img] . I guess what advice you need really depends on details that we don't know. For instance, you say your host father always needs to have little talks with you about cleaning up and such - I can't tell whether that's justified or not from your post. Some people (like me ) are more concerned than others about cleanliness and having order, and perhaps your standards are less strict than his - what you call 'little things' he might think are quite important. He may expect you to do more, or better, in terms of chores than you are doing, or you realise you should be doing. That doesn't mean he doesn't like you, though. Without knowing how the little talks pan out (ie whether he's angry or not, how you react and so on), it's hard to say what you should do - maybe just sit down with him and ask for a very clear indication of exactly what he expects and how he expects it to be done?

As for the basketball thing, well that does sound a little petty, but again, details are missing. How long was the rest of the game? Were you in positions where he should have passed it to you but clearly didn't want to? It may be that there was no malicious intent at all on his part, but it seemed that way because you were feeling like he doesn't like you.

[Bungleau]

I agree with Aelia Jusa. There's probably a lot more going on that might explain things.

What I would try in your situation is to have a little talk with him -- identify what his expectations are, and whether they are realistic or not. For you to clean up your dishes after a meal, for example, is realistic. To take your turn at washing the dishes is also realistic. To be the one and only person who does the dishes is not.

Most likely, there's more involved than dishes, but the principle still holds.

Do they have other kids? At 50 or thereabouts, they could be anywhere from grandparents to empty nesters (kids have left) to parents of elementary school children. There are different expectations in all those environments.

I'd talk with him, establish the ground rules, and then stick to my part of it. And if I find I can't stick to it (for example, cleaning my room every day), I'd come back and renegotiate something else.

If you're there as an exchange student, you should probably also have a contact at the hosting organization. You may want to contact them and get their perspective and input into it. They've probably dealt with things like this before, and can help you work through the whole thing.

I know that it's hard because on one level, you're a guest at someone's house, but on another level, you're there as an exchange student, which borders on being another family member. Guests and family behave differently, and are expected to do things differently. Finding the middle ground is the challenge, but once you get there, life will be good [img]smile.gif[/img]

Good luck.

[WoodyG666]

Well they fall under the "empty nest" criteria and the little things are often, i only have a small amount of homework one night and only do around 1-2 hours of study compared to the 4 he expects of me. I am Australian and i will not steriotype myself as being lazy but we in general are not the most diligant of peoples [img]smile.gif[/img] compared to say... the chinese or Japanese which this couple has had both of these exchange students. It feels a little uncomfortable being judged up against someones previous expectations. Its true my room is not the cleanest in the world (hey im 15!) but they dont have to see it everyday and i am leaving no permanent markings or such. Another for instance is that for his birthday i got him one of those hand held puzzle quizes(you know the kind with the ball and string and metal loop)Because he loves puzzles. He had one go and put it away in a cubboard, hasnt seen the light of day since. He didnt say thanks and he even sugested i take it back to the store!
With regard to the basketball game he deliberately didnt pass to me even when he should of, and the game had at least another hour to go.
Thankyou for replying you two. I knew i could count on the freindly people at IW to help me out.
Regards WOODYG

[Skippy1]

Giday Woody.

I've got nothing new to add to what Bungleau or Aelia Jusa have already suggested except that I think Bungleau is absolutely right. You need to talk about it with this bloke. Perhaps in the presence of his wife as well might be a good idea, so that she realises that all is not rosy. Important that you don't loose your cool though and appear accusatory. Simply explain that you feel there is a little tension and that your willing to listen to suggestions to lessen the problem.

One thing that does puzzle me though. You say your an exchange student and Australian, but your still in Australia? Have I missed something?

[Firestormalpha]

What makes you assume he's still in Australia, Skippy?

[Skippy1]

Hmmm....well I suppose it is a little presumptuous of me, but the thing on the bottom of each of his posts that says "From". [img]graemlins/confused5.gif[/img]

[Firestormalpha]

Well duh, He is australian. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Skippy1]

Sorry FSA. Being an Aussie myself, I'm a bit on the slow side.

What I'm getting at is, in your profile it asks your location, then it shows up on each of your posts as "from".

Bit confusin' really.

[WoodyG666]

sorry to confuse you all i am "from" Australia and i am exchanging in Canada. But thanks i will try taliking to him.
I knew you guys wouldnt' fail me [img]smile.gif[/img]