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Old 09-23-2001, 11:23 AM   #21
adam warlock
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
 

Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: I live inside of my mind.....
Age: 53
Posts: 3,234

HOW TO BE ANNOYING



Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 800 operators for dates.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Wear your pants backwards.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.


[This message has been edited by adam warlock (edited 09-23-2001).]
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Old 09-23-2001, 12:01 PM   #22
Jerome
Knight of the Rose
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Scotland
Age: 37
Posts: 4,418
[QUOTE]Originally posted by adam warlock:


ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

[quote]

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

------------------


Within the jungle of my deepest emotion,
With a coat resplendant in a golden sheen,
Swiftly hunting my tender love,
Stalks the regal, Feline Queen
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Old 09-23-2001, 01:09 PM   #23
Lioness
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
Posts: 5,837
LOL, Long live the Chamber of Laughter, JJ.

------------------

Lil' Angel
Sword Saint and Enchantress of the HADB Clan
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe
Bestest Mate of the Cyan Knight
Lady of Jerome, The Fallen Paladin
Honored Friend of the Warrior SSJ4Sephiroth, and the Arch-Mage Jafin
PeaceKeeping Force, Intelligence Division
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Old 09-23-2001, 01:10 PM   #24
Vaskez
Takhisis Follower
 

Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
Apparently these questions were actually asked in American courts of law during trials (Ok I think I have posted these before but knwoing how little attention they got here's hoping they are new to some ppl ):


Lawyer: And the date of conception of your baby was august 12th?
Witness: Yes
Lawyer: And what were you doing at this time?


Lawyer: So how far apart were the cars at the time of the collision?


Lawyer: How many children did he have?
Witness: Three
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Witness: None
Lawyer: Were there any girls?


Lawyer: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


Lawyer: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Lawyer: Was it you or your younger brother that was killed in the war?

Lawyer: You were there until the time you left. Is this true?

Lawyer: How many times have you commited suicide?

Lawyer:You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Witness: Yes
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Lawyer: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
Witness: I went to Europe, sir.
Lawyer: And you took your new wife?

Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?


Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Doctor: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Doctor: The autopsy started around 8pm.
Lawyer: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Doctor: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
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Old 09-23-2001, 01:38 PM   #25
J.J.
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new
Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian
Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and
when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going
to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader,
after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called
the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to
be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
:
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
wood in order to be prepared.
One week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going
to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to
be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you
absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely,"
the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

Montana Weather Bureau in action

------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.
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Old 09-23-2001, 01:54 PM   #26
Mirac Honorguard
Red Wizard of Thay
 

Join Date: August 21, 2001
Location: Limburg, Netherlands, Europe
Age: 42
Posts: 894
*cracking up* *choking, can't get air*

------------------
There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard
(Necromancer)
http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac
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Old 09-23-2001, 02:01 PM   #27
250
Horus - Egyptian Sky God
 

Join Date: March 4, 2001
Location: either CA or MO
Age: 42
Posts: 2,674
J.J.....

LOL LOL
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Old 09-23-2001, 02:16 PM   #28
Sorcerer Alex
Guest
 

Posts: n/a
I have a decent joke. Okay here we go....

An old man is lying on his death bed, surrounded by his three sons as he tries to make up his mind on what to give them from his inheretance. He says to his first son, "You're not getting anything out of me, all you care about is money. Look, even your wife is called Penny". He then turns to his second son. "You can forget getting anything from me too, all you care about is your garden. I mean god, even your wife is called Daisy". At this point the third son stands up angrily and says to his wife "Come on Fanny, lets go. We're not here to be insulted"

I won't be surprised if no-one laughs

------------------
 
Old 09-23-2001, 07:20 PM   #29
DragonMage
20th Level Warrior
 

Join Date: September 6, 2001
Location: The lighter side of life, a.k.a. Newnan, Georgia
Age: 55
Posts: 2,767
OK. You asked for it...

Who is Jack Schitt, really? The Lineage Revealed...

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". So to help you handle the situation:

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, a partner in Knee-deep 'n Schitt Industries, married an Irish woman named Oh O'Dear, thereafter known as Oh Schitt-O'Dear.
In turn, Jack Schitt married a lady named Noe, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 Schitt children: Holie, the twins-Deep and Dip, Fulla, Giva and Bull (a high school dropout).
After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous surname. However she was know as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda and they produced a cowardly son - Chicken.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The Schitt-Happens children are Summ, Dawg, Byrd and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now, when someone says you don't know Jack - you can correct them.

P.S. - Late word has it that Summ has left the Air Force and is now a pilot for Alaska Airlines. So, it looks like this Schitt's gonna fly forever.

------------------

The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c)

*Member of the HADB clan. Mage extraordinair.
Occasional subjugate to Gwhanos the Fluffy *
(when G is behaving)
"Allright! We'll call it a draw."

[This message has been edited by DragonMage (edited 09-23-2001).]
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Old 09-23-2001, 07:58 PM   #30
adam warlock
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
 

Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: I live inside of my mind.....
Age: 53
Posts: 3,234
SA - lol

ok ok we're on the roll

Top 9 lines from Internet Chat Rooms...

1 You're different.....I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.

2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile...but tell me more about yourself.

3 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!

4 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.

5 Yes of course I'm female...............

6 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.

7 No this is my only screen name....You mean you can have more then one?

8 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)

9 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (yeah right!)

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