OK this is proper humour :D

[Vaskez]

A chicken runs out onto the street from the policeman's chicken coup in his garden. It gets run over by a steam-roller. The driver regretfully takes the poor bird back to the policeman.
- I'm terribly sorry sir, but it ran out onto the road and I ran it over. I'll compensate your loss in full.
- There's no need.
- Why isn't the chicken yours?
- We've never had any flat chickens like that.

[Vaskez]

Cop walks over to the shepherd.

- How many sheep do you have?
- Dunno.
- If I guess, will you give me one of them?
- Okay.
- 15.
- Wow! Good guess! The sheep's yours.
The cop grabs one of the beasts but then the shepherd says:
- If I guess what your occupation is, will you give it back?
- Sure.
- You're a cop.
- How did you know....?
- You took the dog.

[Vaskez]

The cops are taking an exam. The supervisor asks the first one:
- Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
The cop answers: Huh?
- You're fired.
To the second cop:
- Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
- Huh?
-You're fired.
To the third:
- Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
- Ja, ich spreche Deutsch.
- Huh?

[Vaskez]

If u didn't see the funny side to these or simply didn't get them, u gotta understand that there are a lot of BLOODY dumb cops in Hungary, even in higher positions. That's why there's so many jokes about their intelligence. U always gotta keep their stupidity in mind when reading those. Hehe, also remember, they're translations.

[Vaskez]

ROTFLMAO! I just read this one.

The cop and his family are moving house. In the new house they're organising everything very carefully, they've even got the places for the paintings marked out on the walls. The husband is standing on a chair with hammer in hand, waiting for the wife to hand him a nail. The wife accidently hands it to him backwards so that the nail's head is facing towards the wall.
- Hey give me another one! Can't u see that this one goes in the opposite wall?!

[Vaskez]

Alright one more before I go to sleep. Hehe.

2 cops meet up on the street. The first one asks for a laugh:
- Hey mate, how many doughnuts can u eat on an empty stomach?
- Eight.
- Hehe, wrong, only one. The rest you won't be eating on an empty stomach.
The cop really likes the joke and decides he's gonna tell it to his friends:

- Say, Bill, how many doughnuts can you eat on an empty stomach?
- Six.
- Aah it's a shame u didn't say eight. I could have told u a really good joke.

[Charlie]

A male dog handler and a female cop leave the station to go out on foot patrol.
As they get a distance from the station the female cop says "Oh shit, I was in such a rush I forgot to put my knickers on, I'd better go back and get them".

The dog handler says "let Fido have a sniff of your crotch, he'll run back, sniff em out and then return them to us, it'll save a load of time".

"Good idea" says the girl.

Anyway, Fido sticks his head up her skirt, has a damn good sniff and takes off back to the station.

"Best sniffer dog on the force old Fido, now he's got your scent he won't have any trouble finding your knickers" says the dog handler smugly.

The dog returned five minutes later with the desk sargeants cock in its mouth.

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One love, peace.

[Cloudbringer]

Originally posted by Vaskez: Cop walks over to the shepherd. - How many sheep do you have? - Dunno. - If I guess, will you give me one of them? - Okay. - 15. - Wow! Good guess! The sheep's yours. The cop grabs one of the beasts but then the shepherd says: - If I guess what your occupation is, will you give it back? - Sure. - You're a cop. - How did you know....? - You took the dog.

HAHA.. I heard it with a lawyer

Good ones Vaskez! Welcome to GD, we haven't met before!


Cloudbringer
Self-Appointed Welcome Wagon of the Ironworks Forum

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Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight
Heart Mind Soul Forever

[Vaskez]

Cheers. I'll be posting some more later. Are u the only one who's read 'em?

[Moiraine]

I read something in a French newspaper recently, and it gave me a good laugh. Please you English people tell me if it is true - never mind, if it is not, it deserves to be !

A woman has recently been discharged of the charge of having thrown tomatoes to Tony Blair. Here is what she said for her defense (I translate) :
"I was looking at this man next to to me, he was throwing tomatoes, and he never seemed to hit. I kept thinking that I could do better. So at one point I got annoyed, took his tomato and threw it. It was only when I saw that it had hit Tony Blair just under his ear that I started to think 'Uh-Oh ...'"

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The world is my oyster !