05-07-2001, 03:25 PM | #1 |
Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 2,788
|
Apologies if this is an old one, but I just came across it again and it made me grin
I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that... Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole* minutes,wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one. Section 1.01 And it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like "So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!" and howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a pin. Section 1.02 I will never ask for more *foreplay*. Section 2. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there. Section 3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girl's night out, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large balled Himalayan yak, and an elephant would jealous of your genitalia. Section 3.01 I shall mention *often* your sexual prowess and longevity in the bedroom. Section 3.02 And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot. Section 4. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face. Section 4.01 I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname. Section 5. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning. Section 5.01 I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bi-sexual tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay. Section 5.02 I promise to work out at the gym for two hours a day in order to keep my body sexually desirable to you, even though your intake of beer may cause your gut to swell to proportions of a nine month pregnancy. Section 5.03 I promise never to bring up your hair loss and the fact that a baby's arse and/or honeydew melon is somewhat similar. Section 5.04 I promise to shave every *possible* inch of my body, and will always love your *weekend* beard... Section 6. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to talk to me, I will solemnly inform them that you have"ruined me for other men". Section 6. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in charge of anything *mechanical*. Section 6.01 With the exception of the following household items: iron, washing machine and dryer, cooker, fridge, rubbish bin, vacuum cleaner, nappies and toilets. Being of sound mind and body, I enter this relationship contract. Signed ____________________________________ (female) ------------------ Regards Mouse [This message has been edited by Mouse (edited 05-07-2001).] |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Sample Voting Screen | Timber Loftis | General Discussion | 2 | 02-27-2004 08:47 PM |
Halliburton Contract and COSTS | Timber Loftis | General Discussion | 4 | 01-01-2004 02:09 AM |
Sample of things to come | Tobbin | Neverwinter Nights 1 & 2 Also SoU & HotU Forum | 0 | 08-03-2002 12:00 PM |
Another sample of NWN player graphics | Aurican | Neverwinter Nights 1 & 2 Also SoU & HotU Forum | 1 | 05-30-2002 07:01 PM |
Sample chapter of Sea of Swords up... | Ziroc | Entertainment (Movies, TV Shows and Books/Comics) | 3 | 10-09-2001 12:01 PM |