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Old 11-29-2002, 07:53 PM   #1
Rokenn
Galvatron
 

Join Date: January 22, 2002
Location: california wine country
Age: 60
Posts: 2,193
Bow down before me or no Ice Cream for you!

Onion Horoscopes!

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
In spite of your repeated entreaties, no one seems willing to take your wife. Perhaps you should consider adding the word "please" to your request.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
The object of your affection seems oblivious to your romantic feelings. This is not surprising, as elephant seals have a limited capacity for empathy.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Three-inch heels are coming back into style. Unfortunately for you, though, they're expected to be attached to shoes.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
The stars find that the time has come for you to put away childish things. Yes, that includes your three small children.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
By the time your clever ruse is exposed, you'll be safely across the Swiss border, which seems like an excessive response to substituting yogurt for sour cream in recipes.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
This would be a good week to retake control of your life. Good, certainly, but not great.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
Much to your consternation, you discover that it takes more than nudity, llamas, and gin to scandalize the British consulate.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
You will reconsider your longtime conviction that there's nothing funny about brain cancer when presented with overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
You will be pleased by your appointment as Emperor Of Ice Cream, as you like ice cream and have always wanted to wield authority.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
You will get a nose ring this week when you momentarily believe yourself to be a Brahma bull.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
You will receive a formal letter from Johnny Cash stating, in no uncertain terms, that he is very disappointed in you.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Remember: Sincerity is all well and good, but your suit and haircut are what the jury sees first.

[ 11-29-2002, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: Rokenn ]
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“This is an impressive crowd, the haves and the have mores. <br />Some people call you the elite. <br />I call you my base.”<br />~ George W. Bush (2000)
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Old 11-29-2002, 07:58 PM   #2
Gabriel
Emerald Dragon
 

Join Date: March 4, 2001
Location: England
Age: 41
Posts: 920
Quote:
Originally posted by Rokenn:

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Remember: Sincerity is all well and good, but your suit and haircut are what the jury sees first.
I'm doomed, doomed I say! Doomed!! Doomied!!!
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Old 11-29-2002, 08:15 PM   #3
Ronn_Bman
Zartan
 

Join Date: March 11, 2001
Location: North Carolina USA
Age: 57
Posts: 5,177
Quote:
Originally posted by Rokenn:

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
Much to your consternation, you discover that it takes more than nudity, llamas, and gin to scandalize the British consulate.
Been there, done that. [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]
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Old 11-29-2002, 09:37 PM   #4
Slizerio
Guest
 

Posts: n/a
If your king of ice cream, I'm lord of Lightning [img]tongue.gif[/img]
 
Old 11-29-2002, 10:31 PM   #5
Lord Starshadow
Quintesson
 

Join Date: October 3, 2002
Location: The plane of non-existence... and Michigan
Age: 43
Posts: 1,087
Quote:
Originally posted by Rokenn:
Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
By the time your clever ruse is exposed, you'll be safely across the Swiss border, which seems like an excessive response to substituting yogurt for sour cream in recipes.
Any excuse is a good excuse to cross the Swiss border. At least it was clever ruse.
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Bah, I don\'t need a sig. You all don\'t care what I do anyway. <img border=\"0\" title=\"\" alt=\"[Razz]\" src=\"tongue.gif\" />
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Old 11-30-2002, 09:20 AM   #6
Steve Fox
Banned Troll
Drow Warrior
 

Join Date: October 29, 2002
Location: Troll
Age: 21
Posts: 259
CHEESE is my Ground of worship
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