Car Rental CURSED...

[quietman1920]

People, it’s about time that I confess: I've held a secret from you all. It’s not something I'm proud of; in fact I hid it because I've been ashamed to admit it. I'm not sure how it started; I suspect I must have cut in line in front of a vindictive gypsy woman at AVIS once in my younger years. Still, nothing changes the fact that my wife and I are: RENTAL CAR CURSED!

Thinking back, I've Never had a good rental car. When my wife was just my girlfriend (and dinosaurs roamed the earth) we flew to VA to rent a car to get to Bush Gardens, VA. It was a G-2000, or some crappy GM 'K' car, but I was happy and off we went. Just one problem: the AC didn't work. Tell me, have you ever been in The South in summer without AC? Uncomfortable isn't the Half of it.

Next year, we went to Disney World. And we got a 'Free Sports Car Upgrade'. (Beware the 'Free Sports car Upgrade', because they don't even kiss you first.) The Upgrade was to a 5.0 Litre convertible Mustang and I said yes after one glance. There was just one small problem. We were about 20 miles gone from the rental place when we discovered that the convertible top had been Bolted Down. Short of getting a power drill and jig-saw, she was Not coming off. Do you have any idea how Stupid you look, driving around in a convertible in 100 degree heat in Florida with the top up???? But I realized later that this was just to show off the cars best feature of dripping rainwater on my leg, especially when we were dressed to go out to dinner. I remember my wife being Most entertained by it (!).

The next year, my folks asked us to come down to their condo in Florida, so we flew down. And you guessed it: We rented a car. The guy at the counter said that they were all out of sedans, so we could have a 'Free Sports Car Upgrade'.
"Now, wait a minute," I said, pointing a finger at him. "I'll only take this car if you Personally walk out with me into the parking lot and Show Me how that roof goes down. True to his word, he took me to the lot to show me my prize, a Geo Metro, and dutifully showed me how to take down the top. Well, the top went down, so I had to accept the car. Now I’m not a small man…and even when I had a 32inch waist, I was pretty big. And this Geo Metro was Tiny! The trunk only had room for the equivalent of one bag of golf clubs and instead of a back seat, there was in indentation for what would hold One (1) full-size suitcase. My wife, ever the sweet and supportive spouse, took a picture of me in it. I looked like an adult riding a kiddie car ride at an amusement arcade. Now, the Intercoastal/ A-1-A in Florida is one of the largest speed traps in all of America, boasting a patrol car with a radar gun literally on every other corner for a 10 mile stretch. Now, I must brag that I did not get a Single Ticket on that famous stretch of road and I credit that to two reasons. First, the tremendous horse power of my 1.0 litre, 3 cylinder engine (check Google, that’s not a typo) struggled to get to the 25 MPH limit imposed on that road and exceeding it was virtually not an option. Second, I seriously doubt that even the well-trained police officers of southern Florida could jot down a license plate number while doubled over with laughter.

Our Next vacation was to Las Vegas, and I was Damned if I was going to let a car rental company screw me again. The car was a GM sedan that could seat 5 comfortably. If they said they were “out” at the counter, I was set to tell them to jump on their bike with the company Amex, hit a car dealership and Buy one. Oddly enough, they gave me no trouble at the window. I walked to the car. I noticed at the exit to the lot that there was a sign stating that cars driven beyond that point were the renter’s responsibility. So I examined and walked round that car. I checked underneath for leaks. I popped the hood and checked the engine. I examined the trunk before putting in the luggage. I checked that car almost as well as the CSI team does on TV. And everything was fine. So I started her up. And she sounded fine. I turned on the radio…worked like a charm. Check out the AC: at max, it could freeze water to ice, which is no problem. Slowly, I put her in gear and back out of the space. Then I put her in Drive, and pulled her to the gate. I stopped and looked at the sign I’d read before, and now I hear my wife yelling “C’mon, what’s the hold up? We still have to check in. Get going, will you?”

So, I put the car in gear and I drive past that sign. And nothing happens. Elated, I hit the gas and went over a speed-bump at the exit area of the parking lot. And the entire center section of the steering wheel fell into my lap.

Now, It did fall out, but the wires were still live and fully attached, so I did what any guy in a similar situation would do. I pretended it was no big deal as I drove with one hand and tried to put it back with the other. The problem was that every time I touched it to the hole it fell from, the connection to the horn would go off. Now, we’re not talking normal horn blasts here, but short little ‘Morse Code’ blasts that sounded something like . Now, we’re in Friday Night traffic, trying to get to the strip, and with every , there’s at least One California plate shouting a four-letter welcome and tossing us a one-finger salute. It got better at lights when people actually started opening car doors to say/do something, until they saw me lift up the module above the steering wheel and mouth “Its Broken!” through the closed glass. One guy from Nevada actually cheered.

It was at this point that I turned right and got lost. Now, my wife was navigating and technically it was her job to tell me to turn left. But what with the tears streaming down from her eyes as she was laughing, she lost her place on the map. But we ended up on a dead end street with a convenience store at one end. I executed a K-turn to retrace my path, and wouldn’t you know it, the horn popped out again. Now, it was at this moment that the two of us noticed movement to our right from the convenience store parking lot. Three GTOs had their front ends hopping up in time to the music. . I tried to mouth the words “Its Broken”, but 3 or 4 bald guys with tattoos were coming right at us and my wife screamed “Screw the light…get us out of here, or we’re gonna die!” It was perhaps the loudest (and most rhythmic) getaway of my entire life.

My wife and I waited a few years before flying somewhere on vacation after that. I thought that Ireland (ROI) might be a nice place to visit, so we saved up and went. And yes, we rented a car. Now, it’s a Funny thing, those rental car prices in the ROI. It’s about 3 times as much money for an automatic transmission as a standard. Well I can drive a standard…I even prefer it. So we reserved a car with standard transmission. We pick it up in Shannon and I notice that the wheel is on the right. And the stick is on the left. But the clutch is still on the left. The gas is on the right, but you have to keep left when you drive. Sound confusing? And the roads in Ireland are just like those in America with 3 exceptions. In America, the roads are flat, wide, and straight. And while history may prove me wrong on this, I’m firmly convinced that the inventor of the world’s first roller-coaster drove extensively in western Ireland between Clifden and Westport. I credit the fact that I’m alive today to write this story to pure Luck. No, not the Luck of the Irish. I was driving in their country, after all, and if they had had any luck at all I would have been terrorizing the roads of the UK. For all that I know, they may still be pulling Boras & BMWs out of ditches due to me. My wife has said I’m forbidden to drive in Europe…something about being a Bull in the Common Market.

Three years ago, my wife and I were sufficiently recovered from trauma, that we booked a vacation to Disney. All transportation was included and we were to Walk where ever we wanted to go. After four lovely days at the park, we were scheduled to spend 4 days on the Disney Cruise Line. I think I actually bought a pair of tropical drinks for my wife and I and toasted "No Rental Cars!" It was a lovely visit to the park and a lovely voyage at sea which was all scheduled to end when we flew back home on Sept 12, 2001. Sadly, world events prevented planes from flying and by the time we got back to port, everything was grounded. Immediately, I thought we should rent a car, but, alas, there were no rental cars left. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered a shipboard toast to 'no rental cars' as I cursed the fairy god-mother that had granted my wish. Thankfully, we were able to stay on the Disney grounds until we could be put on a plane as we had booked through Disney (ALWAYS book through Disney).


This summer, my wife has planned for us to visit Bush Gardens in Virginia again. We’ve decided to drive there. You might want to start digging shelters now...

[Cloudbringer]

*Snicker, chortle, guffaw* [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] NOW that was a fun post... err. well, I suppose the memories are anything but fun for you, but it was good reading! LOL

I've always had reasonably good dealings with rental cars, with the exception of a local company that ripped me off by verbally offering one price and charging the credit card a much higher one after my car was hit and I needed to rent one to get to work. Otherwise the biggest problem we ever had was the ash tray wasn't empty in one.

My husband and I rented a ford taurus for our honeymoon and didn't have any trouble at all, either picking it up, running it or taking it back! [img]smile.gif[/img] Sorry quietman, I'm sure you don't want to hear that!

As for heat in VA (Busch Gardens in particular), I KNOW exactly what you mean. A friend and I drove (her car, no AC) from NYS down to VA to do Williamsburg and the Busch Gardens in August one year....can we say 'melted'?! We did NOT smell too good by the time we got to the hotel and boy, I couldn't wait for a shower! Good thing they had a laundry in the hotel, because we'd considered burning the clothes we wore down! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[ 07-13-2004, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]

[Aerich]

ROTFL!

The rest of us thank you, quietman. In addition to posting a *very* funny story, you have officially taken onto your shoulders the bad rental car karma of about 50 people. [img]smile.gif[/img]

By the laws of probability, you should get at least ONE pain-free car rental before you die; but laws were meant to be broken, right?

[Bungleau]

ROTFLMAO! That is just a wondrous streak of luck!

Do me a favor, would you? Just hold on to it... 'cause I sure don't want any of it on me, no, no, no...

Hmmm... I get to pick up a rental car tonight. What's that weird theme music I'm hearing...

[quietman1920]

There was another rental, but it didn't seem worthy of mention. We had rented a Dodge Intrepid when visiting my sister in Oregon for her 25th wedding anniversary (trust me, her husband robbed the cradle). Anyways, the car was pretty good. But I locked the keys inside and had to call AAA right before the reception. I missed half of the ceremony.

[B_part]

I realize these mishaps are fun for all but you... yet I cannot stop laughing!!
Don't hate me!

[quietman1920]

Its ok. Thank You for for reading it, everyone! It was Huge, btw, but it had to come out of me. Now I'm wondering if I should submit this to Readers Digest. (Avis might buy me a car!)

[Animal]

I rented literally hundereds of cars in various different parts of the world, and not once encountered a problem.

Sounds like you've been picking up the bad luck for everyone.