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Old 12-27-2003, 09:55 AM   #11
Bungleau
40th Level Warrior
 

Join Date: October 29, 2001
Location: Western Wilds of Michigan
Posts: 11,752
Quote:
Originally posted by Larry_OHF:
quote:
breaking the kids' toys is taking it out on them, which is inappropriate.
Why did you take what I said to mean that? I said that a toy is broken when the kid is bad, and I should have finished my thought to sa that "when the situation calls for it. [/QUOTE]My mistake in perception. If it's something the kids are doing with their toys, they suffer the consequences. But for me to get rid of their toys because of my issue with my mother... well, that's not their fault, and they shouldn't have to pay. I was on a slightly different page than you.


Quote:
BTW...for what it is worth to you, Karen said that her sister sends the toys that are bought for her stepdaughter by the girl's real mom back to the home of the real mom. If she buys it, she has to make room at her house to keep it. So Karen's sister does not have any toys at her house that she did not buy herself...and if the real mom wants to keep her place tidy...she will not buy junk because she knows that she gets everything back!
There already is a pile of junk there... and frankly, she wouldn't notice the difference. But an interesting idea... I may find a way to make use of it.

Thanks [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 12-27-2003, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: Bungleau ]
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Old 12-27-2003, 10:04 AM   #12
Bungleau
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Join Date: October 29, 2001
Location: Western Wilds of Michigan
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Quote:
Originally posted by SpiritWarrior:
Your mistake lies in not saying what is on your mind. This, she probably expects (even counts on) and abuses, thus the ongoing pattern. There is respect for your mother but there is also respect for yourself. I mean c'mon you're not gonna start throwing punches, you're just voiceing an already-voiced desire.

Like many have said, state it, make it clear and enforce it. After all, would you like it if your own kids couldn't bring themselves to tell you when something really bothered them?
Ouch. True point. It's much easier to avoid all this stuff (mom lives 2-3 hours away, depending on who's driving) than to deal with it. She also suffers from issues with self-respect, personal value, and other internal areas whereby actions on my part are used to perpetuate her myths that no one loves her, everyone hates her, and so on. I don't do well with the emotional side of that; for me, a problem needs to be resolved and moved on from. Of course, this one is sticking around for a bit, isn't it?

And I don't want my kids to grow up with this same schtick, so I'm going to have to work my way through it, to be able to give them pointers on doing the same thing. We'll see how it goes.

I am going to have to deal with it. I'm not quite sure the best way yet, but I've got more options to work with. Thanks to all for your thoughts and support.
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Old 12-27-2003, 12:38 PM   #13
John D Harris
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Join Date: March 27, 2001
Location: Northport,Alabama, USA
Age: 57
Posts: 3,577
Bung, I'll take your word on why your Mother does what she does, which is convenient since I don't know her.

You'll get lots of advice from others that wish to help but also don't know her or you and the family dynamics that have been in place for years. Pick your battles, ask yourself is the battle worth it? If it is then fight it, if it is not then blow it off and don't sweat the little stuff. The only committal advice you'll get from me is: Make a decision one way or the other, accept the consequences, NOT making a decision will tear you up worse then making a decision.
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Old 12-27-2003, 03:36 PM   #14
Bungleau
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Join Date: October 29, 2001
Location: Western Wilds of Michigan
Posts: 11,752
Thanks, John D. Much wisdom in there...

*heavy sigh*

Time to decide how I want this to work and go from there.
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