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04-29-2004, 07:05 PM
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#1 |
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Horus - Egyptian Sky God
        Join Date: March 2, 2003
Location: Kentucky
Age: 37
Posts: 2,637
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I have to rewrite a piece of mine for my portfolio in high school, 'cause a certain teacher lost it. I am enjoying the process, though, as it is a short story based on a BG character... Anyways, I was wondering which way this phrase had more effect:
"Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them. So he did: By their feet. To a nearby tree." or, possibly "Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them. So he did: To a nearby tree, by their feet." Yes, it is just a nit-picking thing, but I've been working on this crap all day, and wanted a guilt-free escape for a while. So, what do you think? |
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04-29-2004, 07:06 PM
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#2 |
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Elite Waterdeep Guard
 Join Date: February 2, 2004
Location: UK
Age: 57
Posts: 40
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I prefer the latter, as it seems "neater".
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04-29-2004, 07:09 PM
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#3 |
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Egyptian Goddess of the Dead
 Join Date: July 12, 2001
Location: South Carolina
Age: 40
Posts: 3,771
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I cant tell the difference lol.
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04-29-2004, 07:13 PM
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#4 |
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Horus - Egyptian Sky God
Join Date: March 2, 2003
Location: Kentucky
Age: 37
Posts: 2,637
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Aye, I can see that, but I kinda like the choppiness of the first, as well. might just be my humor. Any other opinions?
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04-29-2004, 07:17 PM
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#5 |
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Elite Waterdeep Guard
Join Date: February 2, 2004
Location: UK
Age: 57
Posts: 40
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There's also a third option:
"Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them. So he did... To a nearby tree... By their feet." |
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04-29-2004, 07:21 PM
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#6 |
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Horus - Egyptian Sky God
Join Date: March 2, 2003
Location: Kentucky
Age: 37
Posts: 2,637
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Same choppiness effect, but use of ellipses instead of colon and periods. I like it though. We'll see.
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04-29-2004, 07:35 PM
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#7 |
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Apophis
  Join Date: July 10, 2002
Location: I can see the Manhattan skyline from my window.
Age: 38
Posts: 4,673
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How about...
"Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them, so he did. To a tree. By their feet.
__________________
http://cavestory.org PLAY THIS GAME. Seriously. http://xkcd.com/386/ http://www.xkcd.com/406/ My heart is like my coffee. Black, bitter, icy, and with a straw. |
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04-29-2004, 07:56 PM
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#8 |
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Banned User
Join Date: November 1, 2003
Location: My own little world
Age: 33
Posts: 828
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Well I like 400th post!
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04-29-2004, 08:29 PM
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#9 | |
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Lord Soth
 Join Date: July 25, 2002
Location: Melbourne FL
Age: 59
Posts: 1,971
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Quote:
__________________
----- Help feed animals in shelters with just a mouse click at The Animal Rescue Site !! |
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04-29-2004, 09:29 PM
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#10 |
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Horus - Egyptian Sky God
Join Date: March 2, 2003
Location: Kentucky
Age: 37
Posts: 2,637
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Thank you. I was also considering that one, Illumina. Well, you guys would be so proud! I had to work for about three hours, but I got it all taken care of! Just to add that small change, and I'll be done. WOOT!!
EDIT: Oh, and I made a slight, as I like the somewhat longer pause. final look: "Dron decided to simply tie up the two living bandits rather than kill them. So he did... To a tree. By their feet." Well, thanks guys, made my time a little more bearable! Now, I can finally ascend from the pits of portfolio hell! [ 04-29-2004, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: Dron_Cah ] |
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