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Old 09-25-2001, 08:23 AM   #31
J.J.
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
Painters Rule!

A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on
the
gurney in a hospital
corridor awaiting the medical staff.

A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually
examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in
a
white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the
same
examination.

When the third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These
examinations
are fine, but when
are you going to start the operation?"

He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just
here to
paint the halls."



------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.
J.J. is offline  
Old 09-25-2001, 08:40 AM   #32
J.J.
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
> Subject: A BRUNETTE JOKE
>
> A young brunette goes into the doctor's office
> and tells him that her body
> hurts wherever she touches it.
> "Impossible," says
> the doctor, "show me."
> She takes her finger and pushes on
> her elbow and screams in agony. She then
> pushes on her knee and screams,
> pushes on her ankle
> and screams...and so it
> goes. No matter where she touches,
> her agony is apparent. The doctor says,
> "you're not really a brunette, are
> you?
> You're
> really a blonde." She
> sheepishly admits that indeed she
> is a blonde. "I thought so," he says.
> "your finger is broken."
>




------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.
J.J. is offline  
Old 09-25-2001, 12:20 PM   #33
J.J.
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
> > When white men discovered this country, Indians were running it.
> >
> > No Taxes.
> >
> > No Debt.
> >
> > Women did most of the work.
> >
> > Indian men hunted and fished all the time!
> >
> > White men were dumb enough to think they could improve this system.
>


------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.
J.J. is offline  
Old 09-25-2001, 12:28 PM   #34
Sorcerer Alex
Guest
 

Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally posted by adam warlock:
SA - lol

ok ok we're on the roll

Top 9 lines from Internet Chat Rooms...

1 You're different.....I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.

2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile...but tell me more about yourself.

3 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!

4 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.

5 Yes of course I'm female...............

6 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.

7 No this is my only screen name....You mean you can have more then one?

8 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)

9 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (yeah right!)
Haha.... I find myself rather guilty after reading this



------------------
 
Old 09-25-2001, 12:29 PM   #35
J.J.
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to
finish
what I start.
So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I
feel better already.


-




------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.
J.J. is offline  
Old 09-25-2001, 12:31 PM   #36
J.J.
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217

Subject: New Carpet

>
> > There's an old lady in the carpet store and she bent over and
> > touches the carpet and she farted, When she gets up she notices
> > that there is a salesman standing behind her.
> >
> > She then asks the salesman, "How much is this carpet?"
> >
> > The salesman replies, "Well, lady...if you farted just touching
> > it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price."
> >

-




------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[This message has been edited by J.J. (edited 09-25-2001).]
J.J. is offline  
Old 09-25-2001, 12:36 PM   #37
J.J.
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO:

1. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

2. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you
enter
the trailer park."

3. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

4. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

5. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."

6. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to
Goodwill
last month.

7. Patient responsible for "200% of out-of-network charges" is not a
typo.

8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

9. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with
little "m"s on them.

10. You ask for Viagra and get a popsicle stick and duct tape.


11. When you tell the doctor "It hurts when I do this", and his reply is "Don't do that"


------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.
J.J. is offline  
Old 09-25-2001, 06:25 PM   #38
J.J.
Symbol of Cyric
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
here's one almost certain to be annoying to everyone.....
What's the Cuban national anthem? Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They
named
him "Sum Ting Wong."

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other? A
speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half
mast?
They're hiring.

Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not
going
to work in the future, either.

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp.

Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the
Sex Ed
class uses it

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A
southern
zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with
a
recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get
another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.."

Times have changed. Years ago.....When 100 white men chased 1 black man,
we called it the Ku Klux Klan; Today they call it the PGA TOUR.




------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.
J.J. is offline  
Old 09-25-2001, 06:30 PM   #39
Lioness
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
Posts: 5,837
ROTFLMAO!!! And Alex, i laughed at yours.

------------------

Lil' Angel
Sword Saint and Enchantress of the HADB Clan
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe
Bestest Mate of the Cyan Knight
Lady of Jerome, The Fallen Paladin
Honored Friend of the Warrior SSJ4Sephiroth, and the Arch-Mage Jafin
PeaceKeeping Force, Intelligence Division
Lioness is offline  
Old 09-25-2001, 06:35 PM   #40
SSJ4Sephiroth
Beholder
 

Join Date: May 4, 2001
Location: The Outside Looking In
Age: 36
Posts: 4,361
Mwahahaha J.J.! loved that PGA one...

------------------
It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul.


What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me you have feelings now? Ha, ha, ha... Stop acting as if you're sad. And there's no need to act as if you're angry either. Because, Cloud, you are... a puppet.
Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan.
Follower of the mighty Fallen Paladin himself.
Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better!
Dear and trusted friend of the Lioness.
Head of the IronWorks Intelligence Division
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