Is *THIS* what the schools are teaching?

Garnet FalconDance · 01-27-2002, 04:52 PM

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history
test.
Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The
Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was
the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake
circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He
was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made
much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built
with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits.

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
Madman Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

LennonCook · 01-27-2002, 05:03 PM

[img]graemlins/saywhat.gif[/img]
Now that is... american.

John D Harris · 01-27-2002, 05:11 PM

ROTFLMAO
I loved #'s 8&9, #10(I don't want to go there

), & #17 (I'm glad I missed the Nineteenth century

)

Mouse · 01-27-2002, 05:12 PM

Those are absolutely priceless - keep them coming [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Aelia Jusa · 01-27-2002, 05:15 PM

quote:
Originally posted by LennonCook:
[img]graemlins/saywhat.gif[/img]
Now that is... american.

Oh yes, Sook, in other countries all the students are perfect and know everything [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img]

ROTFL Garnet!!! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

Vaskez · 01-27-2002, 05:31 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Aelia Jusa:

Oh yes, Sook, in other countries all the students are perfect and know everything [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img]

ROTFL Garnet!!! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

Hehe sorry but America does have a very bad REPUTATION for education below university level.
Now education in England is pretty slack below age 16 compared to other European countries but not as slack as America.

By slack I mean the workload is less and there is generally less pressure on kids to do work. This is not always a bad thing as in some countries they stress kids out too much at an early age with work overload...

01-27-2002, 05:41 PM

Here in the UK there is no real emphasis on languages which is why so many of us are mono-lingual unless we go out of our ways to learn another language

Pooey!!

John D Harris · 01-27-2002, 05:48 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Vaskez:

Hehe sorry but America does have a very bad REPUTATION for education below university level.
Now education in England is pretty slack below age 16 compared to other European countries but not as slack as America.
By slack I mean the workload is less and there is generally less pressure on kids to do work. This is not always a bad thing as in some countries they stress kids out too much at an early age with work overload...

I represent that remark

We got good edumacation here...I thunk

Galadria1 · 01-27-2002, 06:12 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Aelia Jusa:

Oh yes, Sook, in other countries all the students are perfect and know everything [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img]

ROTFL Garnet!!! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

Oh, Aelia, ROFLMAO. P.S. Some of us Americans did learn a thing or two in H.S. But colleges are where you learn the good stuff. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Aelia Jusa · 01-27-2002, 06:16 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Galadria1:

Oh, Aelia, ROFLMAO. P.S. Some of us Americans did learn a thing or two in H.S. But colleges are where you learn the good stuff. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

I totally agree there. It wasn't until I started uni and had real lectures where the 50 minutes was taken up by the lecturer actually teaching that I realised how much wasted time and rubbish went on at school. I mean, learning how to read a form guide could come in handy I guess, but probably physics class wasn't the place to learn

01-27-2002, 05:11 PM	#3
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 62 Posts: 3,577	ROTFLMAO I loved #'s 8&9, #10(I don't want to go there ), & #17 (I'm glad I missed the Nineteenth century ) __________________ Crustiest of the OLD COOTS "Donating mirrors for years to help the Liberal/Socialist find their collective rear-ends, because both hands doesn't seem to be working. Veitnam 61-65:KIA 1864 66:KIA 5008 67:KIA 9378 68:KIA 14594 69:KIA 9414 70:KIA 4221 71:KIA 1380 72:KIA 300 Afghanistan2001-2008 KIA 585 2009-2012 KIA 1465 and counting Davros 1 Much abliged Massachusetts

01-27-2002, 05:12 PM	#4
Mouse Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,788	Those are absolutely priceless - keep them coming [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] __________________ Regards Mouse (Occasional crooner and all round friendly Scottish rodent)

01-27-2002, 05:15 PM	#5
Aelia Jusa Iron Throne Cult Join Date: August 23, 2001 Location: Brisbane, Australia Age: 42 Posts: 4,867	quote: Originally posted by LennonCook: [img]graemlins/saywhat.gif[/img] Now that is... american. Oh yes, Sook, in other countries all the students are perfect and know everything [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img] ROTFL Garnet!!! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] __________________

01-27-2002, 05:31 PM	#6
Vaskez Takhisis Follower Join Date: April 30, 2001 Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now) Posts: 5,089	quote: Originally posted by Aelia Jusa: Oh yes, Sook, in other countries all the students are perfect and know everything [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img] ROTFL Garnet!!! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] Hehe sorry but America does have a very bad REPUTATION for education below university level. Now education in England is pretty slack below age 16 compared to other European countries but not as slack as America. By slack I mean the workload is less and there is generally less pressure on kids to do work. This is not always a bad thing as in some countries they stress kids out too much at an early age with work overload... __________________ Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray

01-27-2002, 05:48 PM	#8
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 62 Posts: 3,577	quote: Originally posted by Vaskez: Hehe sorry but America does have a very bad REPUTATION for education below university level. Now education in England is pretty slack below age 16 compared to other European countries but not as slack as America. By slack I mean the workload is less and there is generally less pressure on kids to do work. This is not always a bad thing as in some countries they stress kids out too much at an early age with work overload... I represent that remark We got good edumacation here...I thunk __________________ Crustiest of the OLD COOTS "Donating mirrors for years to help the Liberal/Socialist find their collective rear-ends, because both hands doesn't seem to be working. Veitnam 61-65:KIA 1864 66:KIA 5008 67:KIA 9378 68:KIA 14594 69:KIA 9414 70:KIA 4221 71:KIA 1380 72:KIA 300 Afghanistan2001-2008 KIA 585 2009-2012 KIA 1465 and counting Davros 1 Much abliged Massachusetts

01-27-2002, 04:52 PM	#1
Garnet FalconDance Mephistopheles Join Date: August 30, 2001 Location: deep within the sylvan splendor.... Age: 60 Posts: 1,443	The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling. 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus." 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah." 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper. 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers. __________________ "Nature tells every secret once." Ralph Waldo Emerson

01-27-2002, 05:03 PM	#2
LennonCook Jack Burton Join Date: November 10, 2001 Location: Bathurst & Orange, in constant flux Age: 37 Posts: 5,452	[img]graemlins/saywhat.gif[/img] Now that is... american.

01-27-2002, 05:41 PM	#7
Lord Shield Guest Posts: n/a	Here in the UK there is no real emphasis on languages which is why so many of us are mono-lingual unless we go out of our ways to learn another language Pooey!!

01-27-2002, 06:12 PM	#9
Galadria1 Zhentarim Guard Join Date: January 11, 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 369	quote: Originally posted by Aelia Jusa: Oh yes, Sook, in other countries all the students are perfect and know everything [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img] ROTFL Garnet!!! [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] Oh, Aelia, ROFLMAO. P.S. Some of us Americans did learn a thing or two in H.S. But colleges are where you learn the good stuff. [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ Lady Galadria, a proud Cavalier of Keldorn\'s Order; Oh So Simple Marshmallow Woman of the ORT. Member, HADB<br /><br />\"Romance at short notice was her specialty.\" -Saki<br />Founder of the IW Branch of the Anti-Anomen Society

01-27-2002, 06:16 PM	#10
Aelia Jusa Iron Throne Cult Join Date: August 23, 2001 Location: Brisbane, Australia Age: 42 Posts: 4,867	quote: Originally posted by Galadria1: Oh, Aelia, ROFLMAO. P.S. Some of us Americans did learn a thing or two in H.S. But colleges are where you learn the good stuff. [img]tongue.gif[/img] I totally agree there. It wasn't until I started uni and had real lectures where the 50 minutes was taken up by the lecturer actually teaching that I realised how much wasted time and rubbish went on at school. I mean, learning how to read a form guide could come in handy I guess, but probably physics class wasn't the place to learn __________________

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