Discussion: Inability to speak well in public, stage fright and all that rubbish

[uss]

I'd like to start a discussion regarding the ability to express one's thoughts and views and emotions and whatnot in public. Since this is and has always been an RPG forum, I'm assuming that I'm not the only one who's having problems with that basic and seemingly easy but, when it gets down to practice, oh-so-distressingly difficult aspect of human nature. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Since *I'm* the one who started the topic, *I'll* take the privilege to ask for help regarding my problems on the matter. [img]graemlins/heee.gif[/img]


See, I changed schools half a year ago. I went to a successful school where I have a moderate number of friends, deal with my hobbies more than I used to and so on. Life is good. ( [img]graemlins/petard.gif[/img] )

Nevertheless, I still tend to have trouble interacting with other people. It often occurs that my voice becomes strangely hoarse and unnatural when speaking with others. During that time, I've a strange tingling feeling in the top of my throat. Quite literally, sometimes I speak with such a voice that it's disturbing for myself to hear it - it becomes high pitched, yet hoarse (what a dreadful combination [img]graemlins/awcrap.gif[/img] ) - and 10 minutes later when I'm by myself again, I can once more speak with my own voice. It sometimes feels as if the mind and body are willing to speak but the throat or somesuch isn't.

I've a speculation regarding that the root of the issue might be. Years ago, when I still was in my previous school, I was extremely introverted and practically didn't associate with almost anyone except my family. Not to mention I was occasionally made fun of at school, during some period, it occured day after day. It was only much later after that that I really started interacting with others. I found out that I sometimes truly want to be and am talkative. But it seems possible that the shadows of the past have had a (subconscious) traumatizing effect on me. So I'm picturing my situation as if I were a bird desperately trying to break the shell sorrounding it.

There also might be a medical problem associated with this. I sometimes find it difficult to speak as loudly and clearly as I wish while interrupted by acoustic blabber that's active in the enviroment. My voice seems weaker and quieter than that of others.


I'd love to hear your thoughts and solutions regarding this. Tips on becoming socially more brave, tips on treatment by vocal exercises, anything. This problem is quite enormous to me as you can imagine.


Oh yeah, and feel free to express problems of your own on the subject if you have any. [img]tongue.gif[/img]


Regards
Peeter

[Bungleau]

In spite of this being an RPG forum, this topic has been touched on a couple of times. My answer remains the same -- you get better at any skill by practicing it, and the best place I know of to practice public speaking is in Toastmasters.

I checked the Toastmasters on-line club lookupm and found one club listed in Estonia:

Search Criteria: Estonia, Tallinn
Tallinn Club - Club #: 3443, Dist #: U, Est: 10/30/2001 Meeting Time: 6:00 pm, 1nd & 3rd Tuesday
Hansa Law office
Gonsiori 7, Tallinn, Estonia
Club Status: Open to all
372 511 5530
Andres.Roosma@gmail.com
www.toastmasters.ee

There doesn't appear to be a lot of Toastmasters activity in Estonia, unfortunately.

The best advice I can offer for you when it comes to speaking is to slow down and take a breath or two. Even after 8 years in Toastmasters and regularly giving presentations, I still find myself rushed and hurried when I present. Sometimes that's good, but often, it's a big challenge.

Most problems stem from fear... fear that you'll sound funny (so you do!), fear that people will laugh (so they will!), fear that you won't be able to communicate (so you can't!). Like most fears, the best way to defeat it is to encounter it so often that it holds no power over you.

There's an English (or American [img]smile.gif[/img] ) expression that when you're nervous, it's like there are butterflies flying in your stomach. The feeling is like that. Practice speaking, and it's not so much that the butterflies will go away, but rather, you'll be able to command them to fly in formation. When I read a piece at my grandmother's funeral, I was *extremely* nervous. I just ignored that, told it to wait until later, and read the piece. Once it was done, I sat down for a few to regain my composure.

BTW, I'm very introverted in general. And I work in sales, which requires many extroverted activities. I do them, and retreat into my shell to regain my energy on a regular basis [img]smile.gif[/img]

Good luck!

[Gimli]

Might be a little OT and I'm not sure if classes like this are generally available, but back when I was in the School of Necromancy (AKA Law School) they gave this "trials techniques" class. They would videotape your performances, and then later you would go over them with professional actors who were soley concerned with how your behavior/actions might effect the jurors. Just seeing yourself over and over again speaking publicly like that helped me.

[Ilander]

When I've done my best public speaking, it's come from practice. School plays and speeches, if you practice them enough, take on a life of their own, and you can't do badly.

As far as meeting new people goes, which I imagine is an outgrowth of the very same anxiety, talking around them is something that also takes practice. It helps to have a predefined set of introductions...not that I'd call them that while I was introducing myself!

I tend to ask questions along the line of basic introductions, starting with "What's your name? I'm Lyle." and working up to asking them what they do for a living, and where they live, while mentioning the most amusing anecdote of the day.

Most important is to maintain eye contact...everything flows from that, really. Well, that, and make sure if you forget the answer to a question, you ask again.

Not that any of that strategy stuff can help you work up the courage to introduce yourself to new people, as you may know, but it can help!

[shamrock_uk]

It's interesting you say that Ilander, I was having a conversation with someone the other day who said that you can tell someone is at ease when they don't feel the need to make eye contact all the time when they speak [img]smile.gif[/img]

The advice above is all very good - practice is key. I found it's very much the old catch-22 - you'll be best at public speaking when you are confident enough not to care about your performance. And of course you only gain confidence when your performance is good!

I've found that the best way to get over your hangups and reach that stage is to be with those who truly won't judge you over the things that are bothering you. It sounds like you have a nice group of friends - as you interact with them more and more, I predict that this will spill over into your conversations with people you aren't as close to. Before you know it, you'll look back and wonder what you were worrying about [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Sir Degrader]

Well, I've noticed that sometimes my eyes water up and my throat clogs up, usually in one class, strangely enough, my favourite class usually, and when I know the answers. Otherwise, I find myself ok, for my IB orals I sped read (only 7 minute presentation, instead of ten, ouch).

[Felix The Assassin]

That is your own personal Stress Alert System 'fight or flight' engaging.
A start has already begun, you have indentified it, and asscoiated it with your discomfort in public, or within an unknown environment.
You are not alone in this, a lot of young folks seem to have this now.
The itchy feeling in your throat is spot on, you have subconcisely dried your throat, and you are now straining too "wet your whistle" whilst attempting to carry on. After the event, and your body returns to normal, your thorax is back to normal as well.
At work, for new instructor certification, repitition is the key to success in the program. A lot of them have very limited experience presenting information in a formal class environment. It's just a little different than barking ordes to 25+ soldiers in captive audience formation type setting.
Eye contact. From an instructors point of view. If presented with an auditorium of 235 or a small class of 8, I attempt to make direct contatc with everyone at least once.
If in a casual environment, occasional eye contact should be made with everybody that is present.

Now, get off the internet and go find somebody new to converse with!

[Bungleau]

There's also a cultural element... in some cultures, looking someone in the eye is important. In others, it's offensive. And in others, not doing it can be offensive. I don't know what it's like in Estonia [img]smile.gif[/img]

I beg to differ that it's really a catch-22. Yes, your performance is better if you are focused more on what you're saying than on how you're saying it; IOW, if you don't care about your performance. However, what makes a performance better, in my opinion, is not that it goes through perfectly and smoothly, but that if something does go wrong, you can acknowledge it (if needed), move on, and continue what you were doing.

An inexperienced speaker will draw attention to what's going wrong -- sorry I don't have all my materials, sorry I'm late, whoops I've lost where I am, and so on. An experienced speaker will simply go on, and the audience will not know that you're missing materials, that you're late, that you've lost your place, or whatever. They will simply know that your message has gotten across.

What practice gets you is not peak performance, but the comfortable knowledge that if something goes wrong, you can handle it. You're already prepared for it.

[johnny]

Start drinking heavily, you're problem will melt like snow in the sun.

[Luvian]

I pretty much went trought the same problems as you did when I was younger. In my early teens I was shy and self effacing, I didn't want to offend anyone so I let them walk over me, because of that I was often teased and ridiculled, just because I let them do it.

Now I'm tend to be pretty popular, but I still have trouble accepting it at times, I'll realise someone like me or a woman is attracted to me, and my first reaction will probably be disbelief. It's hard to rebuild your ego once you let people convince you they are better than you.

About the voice thing, when your voice seem strange to you just clear your throat, it give you some time to regain your composure, and people just think you had a sore throat or something. It happens to everyone when they're nervous.

[ 01-18-2006, 05:17 AM: Message edited by: Luvian ]